"I was thought to be stuck up. I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." - Bette Davis

If there is any category of adjectives that has been splashed to me one too many times, it would be the type of adjectives along words like arrogant, aloof and so on and so forth. But I have never been arrogant or even tried to be anything close to it, I have always been me, that is someone who is sure of herself. Since when did being comfortable with being who you are became a crime?

You may recall me blogging about a friend of mine quitting law school to join some voluntary organisations and in that particular entry, I mentioned about people having problems dealing with one's loftiest ambition or goal but what I didn't quite mention is that people in general have problems with people who are successful in life, one way or another.

It is true. Despite the fact that everyone desires success and success in life is in general encouraged, ironically, it seems that the people who are criticised and/or are hated/disliked are somehow those who achieved success in life, again, one way or another. The pretty ones, the rich ones, the ones with good jobs and so on and so forth are hated or talked about behind their backs one way or another to the extent where they are thought of as stuck-up, aloof, arrogant and a lot more of such adjectives come gushing their way, flooding them to perhaps MJ's neverland but more practically, neverend.

This I simply cannot accept. Why is it so hard to accept others' success? Why is it so hard to appreciate those who are sure of themselves when the entire world is perhaps packed with those who are either lost or confused, why condemn those who are sure of themselves, why condemn people who can act as sources of inspiration to those lost or confused souls? Are we really suffering from the "at least I am better off" syndrome, where we can only accept people who are worse off than ourselves, because this at the very least consoles our very tortured starved losers' soul / mentality.

We've been taught from young that we should all go to schools, universities and make something out of ourselves when we graduate and try to carve a niche in whichever industry we choose to work in after graduation and so why such negativity? Why are we not appreciating the value of one's success and instead we are going on a vicious rampage on these people who somewhat attained some hint of success? I mean, it is not as if these people have been trying to be something they are not but rather they have achieved the things they have set out in their life, they are who they are and they are sure of it, why get all so jealous of such people when they have most probably worked their ass off to achieve that little bit of success and why hate them for what they have or are?

When one blogger posted her nude picture on her blog, she became the subject of criticisms when all she did was to post a nude picture of herself on her blog, she was, in my own opinion, being comfortable with her own body and am flaunting what she's got, you don't get the catchy phrase of if you got it flaunt it for nothing you know? She was just sure of herself, why is that a crime? Personal satisfaction seems to bother those who don't have it.

Whenever I post about my thoughts on certain topics, people always have something negative to say about my post, there will be people emailing me criticising my style of blogging, telling me what I should be blogging, how I should be blogging to avoid being an egoistical nightmare to them all. I admit to a certain extent, I do blog for readership but must I compromise my style to some self-depreciating style to entertain those who cannot tolerate my so called egoistical entries? Get a life, I mean seriously, digressing a little, it is my blog and if you so hate the things I have to say, don't read my blog, it is that simple, I am not pointing a gun at your head forcing you to read my blog am I?

Some girls I know, had to be less than who they truly are so as to satisfy their boyfriends, or rather their male chauvisnist KINGKONG pigs' boyfriends who cannot accept girls who are better than them. Some people have to be less than who they are so as to not be viewed as a stuck up bitch or ass. So moral of the story is to stop being yourself, stop achieving success, change yourself to someone who is perhaps useless or someone lousy or get persecuted if you are not lousy enough. How much use is this to anyone really?

Somehow, I can't help but to think this world's full of sadists, sadists who derives pleasure from watching others struggle the same way as they are struggling, it is perhaps easier to connect with others who are struggling the same way as you are or with those who suffer worse fate than yours.

Trick to life?

Stay afloat, amidst all the chaos, lawlessness, uncertainties and so on.

It is those who stay afloat and thus alive that matters, not those who sunk, those will be forever buried in the sea and nobody will ever remember them, what's left of them anyway?

Can a relationship really be a relationship when the people involved in it don't actually want each other as much as they should? Can it really be considered a relationship when people somewhat settled for one another because of pragmatic reasons and not because of chemistry? Can we really call the relationship we have with others one when we somewhat chose to settle for less and that lesser of a partner is somewhat your other half in that relationship?

Some of my pretty good friends told me outright, straight in my face, without even any hint of embarrassment, that they have indeed settled for less in their own relationships. I am not saying any of them should feel embarrassed for their decisions and choices, it is afterall them who are emotionally involved with someone, not me. Their confessions struck me like bolts of lightning, for once, I was, in a very long time, dumbfounded. Utterly shaken by the actuality of reality.

For a very very long time, I've been trapped in my own utopia, a fantasy like world which I've created at the back of my head, where love without the special chemistry will simply not exist, where being just compatible (in every aspects, from intellectuality to living styles and standards etc) just won't do, something more is needed. The anxiety attacks whereby one will suffer just by thoughts of meeting that someone special or even just daydreams of that person alone, the butterflies in your stomach conjured up by accidental contact with that special someone and so on are all pre-requisites in order for someone like me to start seeing someone. Wild explosions, getting all shy and extremely happy just by one glance shot at me by that special someone is somewhat something I've always kept in my playground, my utopia. Yes, I am seeking for that adrenaline rush feeling.

Quixotical? Not necessarily, I believe such wonderment exists so long as you are willing to wait for it. That coming from me must be certainly a surprise since I am more popularly known as a pragmatist, shouldn't I be more down to earth and face reality and admit that people do settle for less when it comes to relationship. Well I do accept that, but that does not mean I have to give up my own pursuit for the knock my socks off relationship.

I don't think it is ever wrong to settle for less when it comes to relationships, however I do think one will ultimately be at the losing end if he/she decides to ever do so, for one, he/she will never be able to experience the euphoria of a blow me away relationship, and secondly you'll never know what's really out there because you are too afraid to really venture out and see if you'll ever find the legendary mermaids living under the sea and I can really go on and on about this but I'll just stop here with a thirdly, thirdly, you'll probably never feel the excitement and sparks in your relationship, for you people, it might just be a monotonous roller coaster ride.

Some ex-classmate of mine once said this to me, "I would love to meet your future boyfriend, he must be someone really special", I remember asking why she said that and to that she replied, 'because you want more out of life', that coming from someone who don't really know me that well. Makes me really wonder if I am indeed that obvious or is she a gypsy, I would really wish it's the latter, damn cool to have a gypsy friend can?

Hi everyone,

I'm taking a break from this space for about 2 weeks, will have more stuff to entertain when I am back.

Also, for people who have been accessing my blog with vivacious-oomph.com, you guys can now set the addy to gwendoliv.blogspot.com as I am no longer continuing the subscription of the web hosting.

best regards
livvy