He made me realised how important it is for one to stay true to oneself and how much I've been trying to be someone else whom I think is much better than my real self. I guess to a certain extent, I really don't want to be labelled as arrogant and stuck up like the past but to another extent that actually is a good thing and that is being myself I guess. I was not born to be arrogant or even aloof, I just am not exactly that friendly but I've been learning how to be friendly and I guess my attempts have somewhat been too over the top.

I guess I should start being the real me all over again, don't want to give the wrong impressions again. I need to start reverting back. I can still be friendly but not so friendly and accessible anymore. I don't want to be everyone's best friend.

I should not be sorry that I am no longer the other person whom I thought I can become, friendly, approachable and accessible to everyone. I should start living my own life as I've always wanted to and avoid all social stigma or even expectations to enjoy my lifelong roller coaster. Why is it so hard to practice what I preach sometimes, I really wonder. I should not be ashame to be myself, else things are just going to get harder for me.

Sometimes when something good happens to us, we need to believe that we deserve them. Yes, it is hard isn't it? Especially when you think so lowly of yourself and constantly beat your inner self up. Trust me, we all have such moments, by that I mean every single one of us breathing and walking on this blue planet. Surely there is something good inside of you anyway.

If you don't believe that you are well worth the good thing that comes your way, nobody will believe you are worth it. Only by believing that you do deserve the good thing will you truly own that moment and validate your self worth. As I always say, existence of oneself is more often than not the true validation of self worth. Love yourself, in every way, pay no attention to what people have to say about you, you need to show them the way to look at you and how to respect you, starting with your very self.

I know whenever things go wrong, friends who care wants to be there for me and every now and then they would like to fix me and pick up the broken pieces I left behind. I appreciate all of that, however one thing everyone needs to realise is I don't need anyone else to fix me, I basically fix myself, growing dependent on others is simply not the way to live. I am a soldier, I fight all the time, yes there may be moments when I felt completely lost, confused, upset and even beaten but I never give up, there will always be something somewhere worth fighting for, yes somewhere. I might say 101 things to make myself feel miserable but that does not mean I will ever give up, if I do, I make sure it is for the right reasons.

I had a miserable day yesterday but when a new day starts, I am all ready to start a new battle again. I am unbreakable, nobody can break me, for I am a soldier who lives my life the way I want to and yes discourage me all you want, make me feel miserable but don't just stop there and think yes, I've beaten her inside out, she's given up. No, I am terribly sorry, don't think of me that way, don't insult me for who I am that way, I will somehow fight my way back and you can be sure of that. Sure I might have tons of bruises here and there, whimpering as you thrust another blow at me, but that is all temporary.

I don't know how relevant is this but anyway, Sebas and I had a long chat the other day over the phone, debating about what I've been doing for the society which I'm currently involved with, he like everyone else thinks that I have been wasting a lot of my time to put things together and perhaps I did waste some time on the society but it was what I needed to do. I for one, don't believe in the theory that there will always be someone there to do the job, if everyone were to think that way, then where the hell is that someone who is supposed to be there doing the job?

The world is a place full of irresponsible individuals who are basically selfish and cannot be bothered to do their job and these people are the slackers and when they don't do their job, someone else might have to do them because it might be a team project or something which involves other people, slackers slack because they know they can and why are we encouraging them to slack by doing their share of work? Simple, because it concerns us too, if they don't get the job done and we don't cover them, consequence will most probably end up with you being affected, which is why you do the dirty job for them. Smart asses? Maybe. Me the fool because I cover their asses, uh uh, I don't think so, I am only doing it because it concerns me, if it doesn't, I say good luck to them all and live my life as per normal, no time for such losers anyway. Think of me as the fool who dedicated her time to the society, think of me as someone who is stupid but hey, I don't care, I do what I have to do and that is what I've always been taught, responsiblity. Sure what kind of responsiblity are we talking about when you are covering people's asses. Well look at it this way, the world's full of slackers, if you can't seem to find ways to get them move their butts then instead of thinking of you being the silly fool covering their ass, just think of them as losers by birth who can never seem to get things done and sadly, in the long run or the long marathon also known as life, you will be the one who reap the most benefits out of everything. Words of comforts? Nah, it is just practicing what I always preach, if you don't like something, change it, if you can't change the way you think about it.

They say whatever campaigns that politicians are running, no matter how good they look on the surface, no matter how much good they seem to be doing to us or even just other less well provided for people, they are nothing but shams and too one of the means to achieve the end-results, to receive as many votes as possible. Ah yes, the clever politicians who has been playing the game of manipulation and temptation, by doing something or by giving us something that we want, they get their votes. It does not take a genius to realise, while they were campaigning for the good of mankind or what have you, they are actually one step closer to achieve what they have set out to achieve. They are the despicable scums dressed in suits and earning high salaries who carefully blindfolded us, citizens, so skillfully that we thought it was night when it was just the blindfold doing the trick.

"Scums", you say, everything is not about the people but themselves, they are all trying to achieve their own objectives through us, but then again so what? Who in the world can say that they have never done anything with a cleverly hidden agenda? I say, nobody. We've been busy catching the dirty politicians playing the game but isn't this a game we all play too? Isn't this just an issue of how good you are at hiding your secret agenda? Food for thought?