When I was young, I was kind of always hanging out with lots of boys of around my age who lives down the block or in the same block. We do silly things like catching worms, climbing trees all sorts of funny and sometimes dangerous stunts, I enjoyed them anyway.

I remembered playing tug-o-war with a boy when I was 9 years old, he was a neighbour's friend's son. It started out as a friendly match kind of thing, but it turned ugly when I won the one on one tug-o-war against this boy because he pushed me because he lost. I refused to be treated badly and I know for a fact that if I allow him to push me like that, he will continue to bully me. Hence I pushed him harder and made sure he fell to the ground with just one push. That sent him crying and into his mum's arms, whining and moaning about how I bulied him.

Then when I was 15 or 16, back in secondary school, during a confrontational session about some stupid girl problems, which are strangely never found in boys' relationship with one another as friends, someone wanted to stand up for this girl and threatened to wack me if I continue to talk. Instead of shutting my trap, I took one step forward towards that girl till her face and my face were just 6 inches away and I told her "Go ahead". She flung her bag on the table and attempted to hit my face but instead I was the one who managed to slapped her real hard and dodged her attempt. She cried after that, but do i really care? No. Because the concept of life is, you never allow someone to pick on you, not especially in front of a crowd, because the rest of the pack will just all take their turn and have a go at bullying you.

These 2 incidents not just showed me how I must retaliate when treated badly but too taught the two that in life, you can always pick on someone but just remember that someone may not let you get away with it and sometimes, more often than not, they will kick your ass back and shut your trap and keep you where you really belong.

Reflections

This is something new I am attempting to do for my blog, I've decided in order to prevent repeating myself over and over and over again, I decided to keep track of what I post by taking note of what I've been posting and perhaps do a reflections entry every time I feel like it's about time to. So regulars who have been reading my stuff will just probably have to bear with such entries.

Past few months, have been nothing but jam packed with negative emotions, I have been on a palpitating and overwhelming emotional roller coaster ride, some very strange thoughts about life will possess me every now and then and realisation of such shocking, stark naked facts and truth can be sometimes that scary and this feeling is not something one would like to really experience. It has been a dolorous period. I bitched about plastics, I questioned about almost everything, I then continue moaning and moaning about how I feel and finally the long awaited moment has arrived, I am all ready to move on. Moving on are probably the two of the most frequently used words by me, I like to move on and it's like my pet phrase kind of thing. I have had ups and downs, I have been vulnerable, I might have been browbeaten by my thoughts, but hey on the bright side, I have survived them all. You know how it is like with life, sometimes when we are going through some difficulties, no matter how upset or worried we may feel, somehow a part of us know, we will get through this and we always do, don't we? I think moments of desperations and helplessness are somehow very enlightening experiences, only having countered them will you be able to say "hey look, I am proof that everything is possible!" How cool is that? Simply love this concept. At the end of the day, what kept me going are my parents and my positivity, somehow I can manage to make everything seem not so bad. That's perhaps the best gift I've ever had.

So who's google-ing / yahoo-ing you now?

What do you do when you need to look for a long lost friend these days? Well you can either log on to your friendster account and search for that person or just go googling or yahooing that person on the www. Unbelievable? Well folks, I've just been googled & yahooed not once but thrice this year. What on earth? Seriously, I have no idea how people can actually go about googling and yahooing for some people and the best part is they actually manage to find that person through their BLOG! My gawd, what have I exposed myself to man, I mean really, I didn't even include any surname of mine while signing up for this blog and I used pseudonymous name like gwendoliv and strangely type out my full name and there my blog is, the very first link on the search page of yahoo.

No wonder all that warning for people who badmouth their employers in their blogs should becareful as for all they know, one fine day their employers may just chance upon their blogs and give them the sack (Well in the olden days, the relationship between employers and employees are that of master and servants and the servants lived with the employers until they are given the sack to pack up and go when they are dismissed)

It is just not very encouraging sometimes knowing how vulnerable I actually am on the net, how exposed I am actually when I post an entry or create something on the net but then again I chose to expose myself by creating this blog, so well, no complains or whatsoever. It just scares the bejesus out of me sometimes knowing that someone out there on the world wide web is yahoo-ing or googling me but then again I'm not the sole object that orbits around people's world.

Tommorow always come but will everything remain the same tommorow? Things changes, all the time, if there's any more useful thing I've ever learnt is the only one constant in life is changes. We all know life's unpredictable, nothing stays the same but yet we still enjoy taking things, in particular, people for granted. We never know how to treasure people around us until they are gone and when they are gone, we try to make things up but sometimes we all know somethings are very breakable and fragile and once broken, it's as good as destroyed forever.

I think relationships between people are that fragile and that easily breakable. A friendship I have once treasured a lot was gone because I got sick of proving to my friend I was her worthy and true friend who will be there to catch her when she falls, I got sick of waiting for her to see I am worth it. I moved on with my life without her and then voila ici! One fine day, she was enlightened, she seemed to have understood the special bond we once shared was so unique and something she should have learnt how to treasure before I decided to move on, but like I said, I have then moved on, it was all too late, it is difficult sometimes to really mend the broken mirror when there's so many cracks on it or even if there is just one, its bad enough. I know that as much as I enjoyed the times we have once spent together and all the happy memories we have given one another, I know things will never be the same again. I've tried to put all the negative things I felt about her behind me, behind us, but its not possible, for somehow the pain inflicted was then too much for me to bear, it is still now, it's like how I think back and remember those happy times we've once spent doing crazy things, driving each other bananas, all the petty fights and naturally the pain and hurtful choice she made over someone else and how she has once taken me for granted, will all too be remembered. It is hard for her to comprehend why I am not willing to really put myself out there for her again, because she don't know how much she once meant to me and how much hurt I've felt before finally moving on.

I don't think anyone on this planet, in their right frame of mind would appreciate the fact that they have all been taken granted by someone, be it a friend, the special someone, anyone actually. Somehow I think the younger me has always been placed in such situations of allowing people to take me for granted because of my niceties. I used to be always there for people around me and that was stupid. I figured people enjoying treating people as insignificant when they are always there for them and why should I be the fool who's always willing to welcome people into my open arms when they are in need? Hence, I morphed into someone else, I no longer want to be there for people for all times, I don't get anything out of all these, sadly as much as you all like to criticize me for being such a meanie, just ask yourself, will you want to get yourself in a relationship, be it between friends or bgr kind of relationship knowing that you will be the one giving and never receiving? There we go! It's not wrong to be considerate to yourself, for in this world, by being too considerate to others' feelings will do you no good at the very end of the day if that person don't reciprocate, we have to right our own injustice by being considerate to our very selves. People like you and me need to understand, tommorow always comes but no one thing stays the same tommorow, the sun may have been up today but it does not necessarily mean the sun will rise tommorow, someone might be waiting for you today but just tommorow, he/she might have just decided to give up the wait and move on for something worse or better, your friend today might be your foe tommorow, such is life, full of changes. Pity your soul if you lose something the very next day, pity it only when you never treasure it.

I think changes are good sometimes and I really welcome them sometimes despite they might sometimes be too radical for my own good, sometimes I feel almost sad that things have to turn out the way they did and such invokes powerful perplexing and sorrowful thoughts. But then again, this all teaches me how to really cherish every moment of my life and the people around me and sometimes just reminiscing the times we've spent are sometimes good enough, these will be memories stored in my heart, for le coeur, qui est la source de la mémoire (the heart is the source of memories) Will you survive changes? Yes you will, what don't kill you, only makes you stronger.