Hi all,

taking a break from this space as exams are nearing and hence this space won't be worth checking out till after 23rd January 2006. Before I go, here's one last post. So till then, see you all next year!

Regards
Liv

I was part of something which I am proud of

It's been about two or three weeks since I handed over my Singsoc duties as a Chief Editor and a committee member to the juniors and I am somewhat feeling the pinch which I never thought would be possible.

Forget about what those people said about singsoc being a political entity full of political creatures, truth be told, there's politics everywhere you go and in fact the only way to shun away from politics is to be away from people. The equation is simple, people = politics, not very complicated indeed. Which makes me really wonder, when people don't run for positions in Singsoc because they don't want to be tangled in all these politics and come out of it being seen as the bad person or lesser the person they really are, are they trying to imply that everyone who ran for their positions actually enjoyed being tangled up in all this mess and come out being viewed as a person lesser than they truly are then?

I know people's been saying things about me(whoever they are, whichever religion they subscribe to, may their god be with them), like I haven't been doing much for Singsoc this time round (referring to my second consecutive year as a comm member not during my first year).

Sure, I've stopped giving as much as I used to as compared to my first year because from day one when I decided to stay on because someone who ran for my position resigned hours after the election and the new committee needed me to be there (I specifically said to them that I will only stay on if you guys need me to but as a dormant Chief Editor who will still publish the Lions' Roar as per normal but would not like to participate in meetings unless its meetings concerning Adnd and I will be in active mode once sssm starts preparing for Adnd) and because I told them before the election that I will support them no matter what after the election and this is my way of fulfilling that promise. I did all that I could for SSSM as a committee member, apart from not attending some meetings, what else have I not been doing?

And to have people saying such things about me? Was I upset? Of course, I was and still am but hey what do these people know about what I've done for Singsoc, what I've given to Singsoc and people in my committee have eyes and even if nobody recognises what I did, I have at the end of the day been part of something which I am still proud of and along the journey I've done things which I never knew I was capable of and I've learnt new things through this process, so yeah, I will be upset for awhile but I will get over with it and let it all go. Nobody will be able to take such pride away from me, not even gossips or rumours.

Watching the two adnd videos which I've created, I cannot help missing the whole crazy experience of organising adnds, the toughest event (and you can call it the bitch event of all events SSSM have to organise) and yet the most memorable event organised by my committees because we spent so much time working on it together as a team and whether most of them realised it or not, those times were actually fun of course fun when you reflect about it.

During my first year, I was the entertainment IC and I was basically in charge of all the performances to be held on the Adnd night itself. It was pretty crazy because our original plan was to abort organising Adnd and then sometime during the easter break, we decided that we will have the Adnd and it was during the easter break, when most of the people were then either back at home or away on trips, that I had to source out for performers and thankfully, I managed to get a few really good performers for the night and managed to sell the idea that we should have an interactive salsa dance workshop on the night itself to the dance society who thankfully was happy to do it. The salsa dance workshop was well received and I was really glad that the crowd was spontaneous and they enjoyed themselves. I was once again part of something which I am proud of.

During my second year, I still sourced out for performers and the only thing that was different this time round was, I scripted a play and participated in it. All those crazy hours spent on editing the scripts, directing the plays and rehearsing them was all worth it because people enjoyed the play and this is another thing which I was part of and am proud of.

Through Singsoc, I was able to grow and develop into someone who is capable of almost anything if she tries hard enough and through Singsoc I was able to forge some very genuine friendships and most of which holds a very dear place in my heart and I am thankful for the experience and such great friends, through Singsoc I've weathered storms with these supportive friends, through Singsoc I've seen my friends at their best and their worst moments and vice versa.

Sense of satisfaction, sense of self-fulfillment, whatever you call it, I have them all and what gave me the opportunity to feel this great about myself, it is once again Singsoc, so I am truly grateful to Singsoc for letting me tryout things I would probably not try, for letting me learn something out of it, for letting me have all the fun I could possibly have, for letting me forge such genuine friendships with people, for letting me be in such the good company I was with (referring to my committees) and most importantly, for letting me be part of something which I am proud of and will be proud of for a very long time.

My friend made a very interesting point with regards to the posting on the rude shop assistant, that the guy have some serious identity crisis, he thinks he is Yoda, or Yoda he thinks he is.

Lol...hilarious...I had to post this right?

LOL

Chinese doesn't = bad english

I had the rudest encounter with one Marks and Spencer's shop assistant the day before. As usual, I went town to get some tights to prepare myself for the bitter cold winter that's approaching. I was on my mp3 player as I was making my payment for the stuff in my basket and I could have completed the buying transaction without saying a single word had it not been for the rude shop assistant's rude and presumptuous statement.

I couldn't quite understand at first the problem the shop assistant was having when he was laughing up his sleeves as I presented my basket of item, I thought to myself, maybe I am just being sensitive and he might just be uncomfortable with handling women's tights and then when he opened his mouth and said the following to me, I clobbered him at least 100 times at the back of my head:-

SA: "You must be not able to speak english very well?"

Liv: "Of course I can, what are you talking about?"

SA: "Where you are from? China?"

Liv: "No, I'm from Singapore"

SA: "Yeah? and english you can speak?"

Liv: "No I can't, I am speaking some ancient tongue now. Anyway thanks"

I didn't even utter or murmur any word before he opened his big fat mouth. And believe it or not, this guy's not even a Briton, he's just some random guy from some random country who speaks with a randomly weird accent and his english, sucks (as highlighted).

Ok fine, I get the point, generally people think Chinese can't speak good english but that is not true, maybe 100 years ago, I would agree with you but not now, not anymore, more and more Chinese people are learning english and they are sometimes not very good with the language because everyone at home speaks mandarin and I think there is nothing wrong with that, I would be very worried if all Chinese can't speak their own language but only english.

Also what's with that conspicuous laugh and that senseless statement of his? Is he trying to imply Chinese people are bad with english? Is being bad with english (or so he assumed) a shameful matter? If that is the case, I too have a right to disregard him for his bad english, don't I? Also does this too means that I can then laugh at him for not being able to speak mandarin or hokkien or even teochew? Languages makes different racial groups unique in their own ways and so what even if english is commonly spoken, does that give anybody who is fluent in english or who thinks they are fluent in it a right to disparage others? Absolutely not.

Such blatant display of discrimination is just unacceptable, chinese does not equal bad english, even though there are chinese who speaks bad english, they don't represent all and for your information not all caucasians speak good english, white trashes don't speak proper english, a proportion of spanish, italians and germans don't speak good english too, why don't discriminate these groups of people too? Languages does not give anyone a right to disparage or disregard anybody in particular and people should all know that and accept people who speaks a different language with an open mind so as to promote prosperity and harmony in the society and what respect should anyone accord one who mocks at others' inability to speak a certain language and what does that really tell you about that person other than he/she being a shallow and narrow-minded ass?

Last but not least, I shall end with the following:

"Those who know, teach."

Baked them with my flatmates!

Who says it's impossible?

Every single day, everyone is trying or doing something which someone once said was impossible. Thus you can achieve what you want to achieve in life if you try and if you give everything a fighting chance, you can make things happen.

Someone great once said, "We are all winners, we just have to show it now" and I truly believe in that, no matter how hard life was before, it is now the past and things can only get better. I believe in trials and tribulations and I believe in good karma, I believe in what comes around goes around, I believe you reap what you sow.

Even if what comes around don't go around, it does not matter anymore as I quote my learned friend Kelv, "we should just sit back and believe, at the very least, in ourselves".

We should thus believe in ourselves, at least in our abilities, what we are capable of and woo the world we what we have to offer, more importantly, stop being all bothered about what kind of glam life those big bad wolves are leading, we don't get paid for scrutinizing their lives do we?

P.S: I hardly link anyone's blog so his blog is indeed worth checking out, too bad he doesn't keep archives.

Some songs are just so apt that you have to share the lyrics with others...

Louise - 2 Faced

(Who does she think she is)
(I dunno)
(Do you reckon they’re real?)
(Nah)
(Hi, girls)
(Hi, Louise, you look great)

Ow, ow, twisted and deceitful
All those two-faced people
Taking me for some kind of fool
Ow, ow, pretending to be so nice
Let me give you my advice
I don’t need you, ooh
Friends in disguise
Dressed up in lies
It’s an act that you’re playing
Ow, ow, first you recognise me
Then you criticise me, what’s goin on

Stop your bitchin’
‘Coz you’re so sad
Bitchin’ behind my back
Honey, I don’t need that
So kick it to the curb
Because I heard you’re two-faced
Tryin’ to get in my place
Work too hard to make mistakes
So stop your bitchin’ on me
Ow, ow, they’re so narrow-minded
Truth is so one-sided
They’re just counterfeits
Ow, ow, hot and cold you’re blowing
Keep them walls closed
And who are you trying to kid, eh
Two-faced people are so shallow
Put yourself in my place
Ow, ow, the fairy tales you’re spinning
Sounding so convincing
But I’m at a loss

Stop your bitchin’
‘Coz you’re so sad
Bitchin’ behind my back
Honey, I don’t need that
So kick it to the curb
Because I heard you’re two-faced
Tryin’ to get in my place
Work too hard to make mistakes
So stop your bitchin’ on me

Poison words are spoken
My faith in you is broken
But I’ll make it on my own
Ow, ow, twisted and deceitful
All those two-faced people
Taking me for some kind of fool
Ow, ow, they’re so narrow-minded
Truth is so one-sided
But honey you’re wrong

Stop your bitchin’
‘Coz you’re so sad
Bitchin’ behind my back
Honey, I don’t need that
So kick it to the curb
Because I heard you’re two-faced
Tryin’ to get in my place
Work too hard to make mistakes
So stop your bitchin’ on me
Stop your bitchin’
‘Coz you’re so sad
Bitchin’ behind my back
Honey, I don’t need that
So kick it to the curb
Because I heard you’re two-faced
Tryin’ to get in my place
Work too hard to make mistakes
So stop your bitchin’ on me

Stop this hypocrisy
You’re criticising me
‘Coz I don’t wanna be With two-faced people, yeah

(Ya know, she’s probably talking behind our backs right now)
(She probably is, she’s like that)
(She’s two-faced)
(You never know what she’s gonna say, hahaha)
(I cant’ believe you said that about me)
(Believe it, honey)

There is absolutely no need for a soul in the corporate world.

Are you ready to enter the corporate world?

"Love always wins" - Tuesdays with Morries

Pontificate on it further and you'll derive the following:-

If one loses love, he/she's got nothing left to win.

How true is it?

Something somebody was saying to me just the other day:-

"The only way to make some one trustworthy is to trust them"

Penny for your thoughts?

I will be leaving for Manchester today and somehow I am feeling a little sad and happy at the same time. I feel happy because I will be seeing some friends of mine really soon, friends I've met in Manchester and too because it is my final year of college. Sad because I am leaving so much familiarity behind, my loving parents, my lovely relatives especially my aunties and my cousins whom I am close to, my best friend and my chummy friends. So much I've accumulated over the years.

That being said, you must too wonder, what about the relationships I have built over at Manchester? Well of course, those are important too, in fact some of these friendships hold a very dear place in my heart because of all the trials and tribulations we went through together. I often wonder to myself, what is it about people that makes me want to remain great friends with them and what is it about me that people see in me that they like so much so that they want to save a place for me in their heart.

Is it the common interests we share? Is it the things you experience with someone? Is it the things you've done for people and vice versa? Or is it the storms you guys weathered together as friends? I think all of the above plays a part. I believe I am a very sincere person when it comes to friendships and I believe sincerity can be felt. Of course there are plenty of plastics around you and they can most certainly pretend to be your friend and do lots of things for you on a very superficial level but what comes from the heart, comes from the heart and time will always tell what kind of person you really are and hence the friendships you and I made with these plastics will not last at the end of the day.

When it comes to friendship in general, both men and women have different way of classification. To men, there's only two types of friends, the male ones and the female ones and from those two main branches you may derive a further subset of best friend for the former and girlfriend for the latter. For women, things are a lot more complicated, (by no means am I trying to say men are simple minded creatures, no they are not) we have a hierarchy system when it comes to friends, at least for some of my female friends and myself, we advocate that. Just take me for example, I have about 7 types of friends, best friend, great chummy friends, friends, 7-11 convenient friends, hi and bye friends and acquaintances.

I award each of the different individuals a different classification and of course different ratings as well, some friends can fall under the friends category and have ratings of about 4 stars out of 5 and as years go by, I either give them more stars or just take away the stars depending on the circumstances and what has happened between us. Yes, dynamics between people changes all the time, sometimes I feel sad that A couldn't be my great chummy friend no more and sometimes I feel happy that B has upgraded from my 7-11 friends category to the friends category.

I often wonder if there is such system in place for my friends and if there is, have I been gaining more stars as time goes by or have I been losing the stars which I once had. I guess there is no clear cut answer as to that, you can't possibly ask your friends if they actually like you as much as before or not because half the time people can never be honest when it comes to such stuff, especially for people who tries to be everyone's best friend. Perhaps a better gauge is your instincts. Whatever your heart tells you is probably right.

That leads me to the next question of, what do we do next when we feel that certain friends of ours are no longer treating us as their great friend like before? Do we try to fix the relationship? or do we move on to other bigger things and perhaps other people?

Over the years, I've gained and at the same time lost quite a fair bit of friends and the losing part is especially hard for me, especially when those friends of mine are particularly dear to me. I am not so much a believer of fixing friendships that has gone bad but I am a believer in moving on. Sometimes, miraculously, I manage to befriend those people I've once lost and that is truly to me, a blessing. Sometimes people stop being friends with one another because things have gone awfully awkward between them, or sometimes people are not whom they really were when they first befriended you, and of course there are also people who stopped befriending one another because of the rumours spread around about them and so many other reasons.

When it comes to judging people, I am no expert, I have my moments of uncertainty, moments of doubts and moments of disappointment but these are only fleeting moments. Once I doubted a person who is now a pretty close friend of mine and I felt so bad doubting her when she is the one that I should trust more than anyone else and till today, I still feel guilty towards this close buddy of mine so please don't assume it is easy for me, it never is and never will be. But the beauty of such mistakes made is that, I understand the importance of trusting not just your guts but too the person whom you actually know. Sometimes hearing from others corrupts our minds but that does not mean we have to stop thinking for ourselves and see if that person is truly that sort of person whom people claim he/she is. There is really no short cut when it comes to befriending, trusting and knowing somebody. There's really none.

So many times, so many things I've said and done, so many how I wished I could have done things in a better way. All of those are really useless. Once you've doubted someone you are just plain guilty, there's no appeal that will acquits you of the charge. Ultimately it is all about how well you know somebody as a person and how much you trust that person that earns that person a place in your heart and I've always believed in that just that sometimes applying it is hard. But hey what a great summer, I finally sorted my thoughts out properly and well at least all that bumming around made me spring clean my heart and relationships with people and well you can be sure to know that I'll always be the person you know me by and you'll always be the same person I've known you as and I'll trust you just the way I've always have unless something disastrous happened, which is quite unlikely, isn't it?

Part II - Birthday Alarm ya a Godsent! But what happened to me?

Then just the day before, while I was waiting for my consultation slot with my family doctor at his clinic, I overheard a conversation between two grannies. They were perfect strangers five minutes before they started chatting. They might have had nothing in common apart from age / generation but they sure had lots of stuff to talk about while waiting for our family doctor to return back from his lunch. Topics ranged from their children to grandchildren and of all they discussed, the most interesting one was the one about the young generation.They were discussing how lonely the young people these days have become, how anti-social the younger generation are these days, how the doors of these young neighbours were tightly shut day in day out, 24/7 and how little they have said to one another despite having stayed next to one another for about 10 years. 10 years, a relatively long period of time isn't it? I thought to myself, how sad it must have been to stay along that corridor.

What happened? What happened to the friendly environment whereby everyone living in the same block knows basically everyone and sometimes their affairs? Why do we talk to people? What is it that makes us talk? Why have we all become so lonely? Why are we all so self-absorbed these days? Are we only talking because we need something from someone? Hence if there is nothing anybody can do for us, there is most certainly no need to talk to them? And why then are we conveying whatever message we can via emails and even sms-es (well my friend is complaining about her boyfriend sms-ing her more often than he calls her) when we could have just added a more human touch to the message which we are conveying to another person?

What is it about interacting that frightens us? Is it because talking makes us pregnant? Else what? The difference between us and animals is that, we think and we talk while animals don't talk and as for the think part, I am not so sure if animals don't think, their brains are not there for decoration, just because we don't understand how their brains work doesn't render them brainless. I don't think talking makes the world a more humane one when so many people out there are doing so much evil but hey talking makes this world a more friendly one, sure who cares about the world when I gain nothing from making the world a more friendly one. Hey excuse me, you are part of the world, geddit? geddit? yes, you are part of the world, so if you contributed to the friendly environment around your neighbourhood, hey that's one good thing considered done for yourself. If everyone is to do things only when they get something in return, I think that person never truly lived. I love talking! I do! I love exchanging greetings with people, I love to meet new people, I love to interact with people, because that makes me happy!

I don't know if it is the Singapore culture but I realised this, people sometimes from other parts of the world are much more friendlier than Singaporeans, they smile at complete strangers, made people's day by saying kind things to them or just by a simple hello or thank you but in Singapore, it seems as though one would be regarded as some sort of demented person when he/she smiles at people and say hi to people on the streets. I tried that out, so don't you dare say I won't know for sure because I am away half the time and mind you I was born and raised in Singapore like a true blue Singaporean. If it is our culture, I HATE IT. I felt so freaking happy when strangers taking a morning jog smile and greet me with a hearty morning! as they run past me, in some strange way, they made me smile, I felt so much like a human being (you must be wondering what rubbish am I uttering, it is indeed a little difficult to express this sort of feeling, you must experience it first hand to understand it, but try to imagine the situation and feel it?) See little acts of kindness and friendliness does help to make this world a better place so we should all start doing that, who knows we might get an award for being the friendliest nation?

Really, if you don't want your kids to grow up without anyone to play with them because all the neighbours' kids are all just not bothered to interact with anyone else apart from their parents and siblings and if you don't want you, yourself to start losing that humane side of you, please, for goodness sake, start smiling or just exchanging some greetings, for a start, I say start with smiling and smile like you mean it. :) *smiles*

**** Ok for some part of this part II, the thoughts are not that organised, if you think they are of no relevancy, you are probably right, I must state this, I am not, I repeat, not trying to link what I've typed a few days ago up, I think they are inter-related in a certain way and I stand firmly by my views that although they don't exactly match each other like a T but in some way you can relate them. But since I am not entirely satisfied with this entry, I might amend it so till then! :) ****

Birthday alarm, ya a godsend, but what happened to me?

Knowing you are remembered and treasured is indeed a happy feeling, no in fact an exuberating one that warms the cockles of one's heart. When people from afar send me their sincere birthday wishes or little handmade cards / cards, I feel cherished and it is a very special feeling knowing your friends care for you, somehow you are allocated a space in their hearts. Especially those people who you'll never imagine remembering your birthdays or even people who found out about your birthday through someone else but you.

Lately, a pretty good friend of mine just celebrated his 22nd birthday, in fact it was last sunday August, 14 and as his so called pretty good friend, I didn't even know about it. I felt so guilty and so disappointed in myself. I wondered why is it that I never bothered finding out his birthday if he meant that much to me, when he remembers my birthday and bothered sending me a card and I cannot even be bothered to find out his date of birth. I am so sorry ya. Not trying to look for an excuse but I realised the problem with me is my dependency on Birthday alarm.

For the benefit of the hermit clan, Birthday alarm is a service provider who reminds you your friends' birthdays a few days in advance of their date of birth for free, all you need to do is to invite your friends to fill in their birthdays for you and once that is done, you'll never forget about your friends' birthdays unless you are trapped on some isolated island where there is no internet connection.

Yes that's right, I've stopped asking my friends the question of "when is your birthday?" and too at the same time stopped making a mental note to remember these friends' birthdays. I just stopped doing all these and let technology get the better of me. Technology, gosh sometimes I love it to bits but sometimes I simply dread it. It simply devoured me. Why on earth do I rely on this damn service so much now? Why can't I just open my big fat mouth and ask sincerely my friend's birthday? Is technology aiding us or ate-ing (I KNOW ITS EATING :P) us?

This reminds me of the situation I encountered once while I was then temping during the holidays. My job and everything was great but the people there are in general cold, and I mean cold. There is little eye contact and interaction between co-workers, one by one, they each passed by one another without even smiling or greeting each other a "Hi" or what have you, the culture was suffocating, suffocating! Then my mentor had to make things harder for me by emailing me a "Livia, can you please go get this file ____" when she was just seating right beside me. I was like "HUH?", I mean you've got to be kidding me, is speech that redundant now? There is zero verbal interaction between my mentor and myself throughout the entire temping period, zero, the only communication we had was via emails, loads of them.

(Part II will be up in a couple of days)

Whenever someone complains to me how much they dislike a particular blog, I often advice them not to continue reading it if it irritates them and like all good advices, they are often ignored. I often think people brings about trouble upon themselves and if you were to look around and observe, you will understand what I mean. I don't think of myself any different from them, I am afterall too someone who often creates problems for myself and I admit that, what I try to do is to not cause too much trouble for myself.

You may think of me as someone who is overly judgmental and yes, maybe you are right, I don't often give second chance after forming an impression. When I pick up a book by a certain author and I find that book poorly written or boring, I simply condemn the author and will not read other books written by him/her unless it is one that has earned itself a reputation or even a spot on the best selling shelves, only then will I reconsider. That is the exception to the don't give second chance principle of mine. I often find myself a very lucky person becaues I know clearly what is it that I like and what is it that entertains me and I don't make my life miserable by doing things I dislike or reading things which will put me off.

Which is why, I cannot simply understand why is it some people I know of, make things harder for themselves and then in their twisted minds, they make it seemed as though they were coerced into making their life difficult. There is always a choice in life so don't make others shoulder any part of your responsibilty. It is like how I continue reading a particular person's blog even when I dislike the style and contents but I still choose to read it out of curiosity, you don't see me complaining about how this person should write or perhaps suggests how he/she should just disappear from this literary world do you? Why complain when you choose to be curious?

Let me explain the steps of visiting a person's blog to you, in case you don't already know. First, you type the address of the blog, second, you hit enter on your keyboard and voila ici, in two steps, you reach the site. Bear in mind, you actually need to type and hit enter before you can start reading a person's blog. So how is it that people can actually say they've been coerced into reading another's blog and how can you compare a person's blog to spam mails? Help me understand will you? I am simply too dense to understand. When you choose to read a person's blog, you need to remind yourself, regardless of how senseless a person's blog may seem to be to you, you made the choice to read the blog and if you don't like it, leave promptly and never return to the same blog. If you don't like it, leave it is what I am driving at, I hope you are not too thick to understand, put your cash where your mouth is at, match your opinions with your actions, don't torment yourself by making yourself go through things you dislike, you do realise you are not very far from being a sadist if you continue this cycle do you? It is not too hard or even too late to learn how to be a man of your word, really.

This world is materialistic, no matter how you look at it, it simply is a shallow little world we are all living in. People are judgmental and they tend to impose their views on what should have been on others rather than experimenting what could have been. Wherever you are from, whichever culture it is that you have, you are judgmental and but a pathetic fool.

Whenever we first acquaint ourselves with others, we tend to ask them either about the course they are currently reading or their job positions and it is from there we start playing the judges of others' life. If you are reading law, medicine, neuroscience, sociology bla bla, you should be smart. If you were previously from a good college or tertiary institution, you should too be intelligent, somehow one way or another. If you are working as a lawyer, a doctor, a banker, a financial analyst, certainly you are expected to be a high flyer and you should have enough brains to hold on to that position of yours.

But is it all true? Are you sure all lawyers, doctors, bankers, psychologists and so on are indeed intellectual? Why are we letting the qualifications of others speak for themselves when we could have taken the time to sit down and decide for ourselves if that particular lawyer or doctor bla bla sitting right in front of you is not just booksmart but too measured in terms of ability, capable? Sure, we are all busy, we are busy all the time aren't we? Too busy to look around and appreciate the trees planted around us, too busy to do this too busy to do that, now we are even much more busier that we let people's degree qualifications and job positions fool us.

Certainly, by no means, not every single first class student of whichever discipline they graduate from are dumb, there are indeed a few of them who are indeed booksmart and simply put, they are just smart on the whole, but then again you must too realise there is another group of first class students who are merely good at regurgitating whatever they have read somewhere either from books or from others' essays. When put to the test, which might all be a little too late, that is when they have secured a job, these jokers may prove to be much worser than sometimes even a third class degree holder.

Ok a little too extreme you say, but it is true, nothing in this blue globe like thing, also known as the world is not memorizable. I tell you this for sure, nothing. As much as I like to think academics do know how to mark papers properly, I tell you, hell no, at least not those I've came across. I regurgitated quite a whole lot of rubbish from some of the lectures I have attended as well as materials from the textbook once for my non-assessed essay, which took me less than an hour to complete that 1500 words essay and I gotten a high 2:1 for that piece of work that requires zero brain cells to produce. My other fellow coursemate, who by no means is dumb, gave his all to that essay, which I must say is pretty well written as well as evidently clear that he did quite a fair bit of research and critical thinking, and guess what did he get? A mere 2:2, a pretty high 2:2 though, but what is particularly ironic is the remarks given on his essay is that his essay is too descriptive and what is written on mine is something along the lines of there is trace of critical analysis. Ha! What a joke! Ok to be honest, quite a fair bit of his essay was pretty introductory, but it is not exactly introductory without merit. He was at least working on style, something which I tend to indulge in when I can afford the time. I am in the opinion that my seminar taker should have at the very least given him the credit for his style and the analysis he did independently.

Everyone else in the same seminar group thinks that this guy is perhaps dumb or something, and that he is perhaps better off reading some other courses. But because I had the privilege of reading his essay and too gotten to know him on a personal level, I judged him differently. I know he knows his stuff, he is perhaps just not good at knowing how to present his points effectively within the 1500 words limit, that in itself, you may say is evidently destructive but hey the old english way of writing essays is to illustrate your point, which may be summarized in 5 - 6 words, in like 20 words. Yuppy, three times more. So, he's not exactly wrong either.

Had I not had the privilege to read his essay and to know him for who he is, I would probably have been one of those judgmental fools who has no regards for his brains. But reminding myself from time to time, that people with good grades are not necessarily smart, I tend to keep my mouth and mind where they are and not let them wander off too far. Of course, you may say, without prior knowledge of what the person is like, degree qualification and classification is perhaps the easiest way to judge a person quickly (but not effectively), certainly with such a fast paced society, we cannot afford to sit everyone down and understand them one by one. I agree with you totally, but if you are starting to acquaint yourself with somebody and gradually better associate yourself with them, don't let the first impressions (which you may derive from the shallow questions like, "so which sch are you from?" "oh HARVARD!" *mental note* smartass smartass right in front of me) you have get to you and let it be an obstacle to know that person on a more intellectual and personal level. I mean really do yourself a favour, you can be shallow but you can too stop being shallow, know when to stop yourself is the point I am driving at.

And oh, by no means am I trying to say people without proper qualifications are the winners in life, qualification is one thing, education is another, education opens the door of opportunities for one and education helps someone who is smart to become smarter.

Last but not least, the real battle starts at work, so whether you are a dumbass or a smartass, your employers will know, unless you get super lucky, which is not impossible you know?

I am sorry, but what has talent got to do with your disability?

A particular chinese singing competition, titled Project Superstar has made some news or rather created some topic of discussions. A particular blind contestant, Tan Weilian entered the competition and made it to the semi-finals (I think) and that sparkled off some widely debated topic, which is the reason why this guy by the name of Weilian is still in the competition. According to the majority, the reason why he is staying is because he is disabled, because he is blind, everyone is more sympathetic towards him and thus supported him in the competition because they feel sorry for him. Yes, of course, then you have people saying the reason why he is still in the competition is because he has the talent or both the talent and the sympathy votes. I feel sorry for him, not because he is disabled, I feel sorry that his talent for singing has to be viewed this way. This is a singing competition right? So why is it everyone is turning this competition to some sort of charity show? As if we don't have enough charity shows on the television set all year round.

Stevie Wonder is a legend in the music industry,he is blind yet we all still love him but you don't hear people explaining the formula of his success in the music industry as being blind, you don't hear things like people feel sorry for him that is why he is able to sell that much of singles or albums, people recognise his talents for playing a variety of musical instruments and his voice talent, so why can't people in Singapore do the same for this Weilian guy? I heard him performed like twice on the television programme and I really think he has a great voice and definitely the potential for being a superstar, ok definitely not the next Stevie Wonder since he is not a multi-instrumentalist but you get the idea.

Singers using cartoon characters to represent themselves like this Ocean guy or Zhou Hui, were both accorded recognition for solely their voice and for all you know, what happens if this Ocean guy is actually a disabled person too? Will you still say the reason why he is so successful (at least now) is because he is disabled? If people can accept internet singers' songs without first knowing who sang it and without knowing their physical characteristics, why can't we accept this Weilian guy for his talent?

People supporting Weilian because you feel sorry for him, please stop doing that, he is not sorry for himself and he is not any worse off than the ordinary you and me, stop insulting him by voting for him because you are sorry, because you simply am not by doing so. Please save your compassion for some other stupid charity shows on mediacorp.

Everyone enjoys using self-giving people but nobody hangs around with them once they are done using them. Using is the word. So shouldn't you be looking after your own welfare at a certain point in life and not be too considerate to others when nobody's being considerate to your very own existence?

A mother's plea, have you heard her loud and clear?

When Marie Fatayi-Williams, the mother of the missing son, Anthony Fatayi-Williams who has been missing since the latest London terror attack, appealed to the terrorists to stop the vicious cycle of killing before more mothers' hearts will be maimed by any future terrorists attacks, my heart sank. Indeed, if there is any possible way whereby one can reach the terrorists, they ought to hear Marie's plea and ingrain that in their minds for good and stop killing people's children, the children's parents, people's loved ones, for they are all innocent and has certainly no such need or whatsoever to be embroiled in this rebellion against the 'civilised world''s government, particularly the mastermind of the Iraq war, 'Bush, the Butcher'. What has the innocent public got to do with their governments' decisions?

Taking lives without even hesitating to send a message of we will continue to terror the supporters of the anti-terrorists groups as long as we live, is this an effective way of taking a stand now? Since when did violence suddenly became the only way of communication and why is it that nobody bothered informing the 'civilised world'? Who are these self-proclaimed righteous followers of their own version of the religion islam and why on earth should the power to deceide who should live be in their hands? What kind of world are we all living in now?

Life is precious, regardless of how insignificant an individual is, it is afterall life. Life is a form of common good according to Finnis and it is something which all human communities treasure and attempt to protect, this is why laws prohibiting murder are set in motion. There is so much to living, so much love to be spread around this world, so many people to help, so much knowledge to share with this world, so much more things one can do to make this world a better place, so much happy stuff to do in this life of yours, why subscribe to this new religion death and start spreading it around by slaughtering people?

That being said, my mentor from my previous work place reminded me today, what one is born to do in this life, that is to remember 'one's impact on lives will impact more lives' and continue doing what one is good at that is making this world a better place, with even the most insignificant way which one can contribute and restore the peace we once all shared and enjoyed. We must remember all the good that is done from day to day and continue promoting such good and pray that the good acts will continue for generations to come.

Is the value of life really a grand total of zero now? Why is it terrorists like Al-Qaeda has simply no regard for life? There are certainly a whole lot of other means to send the message across, why resort to violent attacks like the latest bombings in London?

Why too create more racial problems as if they are not already enough? I cannot imagine what the lives of the muslim population in UK will be leading from now on, after 911 attack, muslims in the US are watched with tight supervision, discriminated and alienated from the general population, regardless of the fact that some of them are too Americans. I reckon the situation for UK will too be the same. *sighs* I just hope the Brits will be more understanding towards the muslim population in UK, they are too victims of such a situation.

"I was thought to be stuck up. I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." - Bette Davis

If there is any category of adjectives that has been splashed to me one too many times, it would be the type of adjectives along words like arrogant, aloof and so on and so forth. But I have never been arrogant or even tried to be anything close to it, I have always been me, that is someone who is sure of herself. Since when did being comfortable with being who you are became a crime?

You may recall me blogging about a friend of mine quitting law school to join some voluntary organisations and in that particular entry, I mentioned about people having problems dealing with one's loftiest ambition or goal but what I didn't quite mention is that people in general have problems with people who are successful in life, one way or another.

It is true. Despite the fact that everyone desires success and success in life is in general encouraged, ironically, it seems that the people who are criticised and/or are hated/disliked are somehow those who achieved success in life, again, one way or another. The pretty ones, the rich ones, the ones with good jobs and so on and so forth are hated or talked about behind their backs one way or another to the extent where they are thought of as stuck-up, aloof, arrogant and a lot more of such adjectives come gushing their way, flooding them to perhaps MJ's neverland but more practically, neverend.

This I simply cannot accept. Why is it so hard to accept others' success? Why is it so hard to appreciate those who are sure of themselves when the entire world is perhaps packed with those who are either lost or confused, why condemn those who are sure of themselves, why condemn people who can act as sources of inspiration to those lost or confused souls? Are we really suffering from the "at least I am better off" syndrome, where we can only accept people who are worse off than ourselves, because this at the very least consoles our very tortured starved losers' soul / mentality.

We've been taught from young that we should all go to schools, universities and make something out of ourselves when we graduate and try to carve a niche in whichever industry we choose to work in after graduation and so why such negativity? Why are we not appreciating the value of one's success and instead we are going on a vicious rampage on these people who somewhat attained some hint of success? I mean, it is not as if these people have been trying to be something they are not but rather they have achieved the things they have set out in their life, they are who they are and they are sure of it, why get all so jealous of such people when they have most probably worked their ass off to achieve that little bit of success and why hate them for what they have or are?

When one blogger posted her nude picture on her blog, she became the subject of criticisms when all she did was to post a nude picture of herself on her blog, she was, in my own opinion, being comfortable with her own body and am flaunting what she's got, you don't get the catchy phrase of if you got it flaunt it for nothing you know? She was just sure of herself, why is that a crime? Personal satisfaction seems to bother those who don't have it.

Whenever I post about my thoughts on certain topics, people always have something negative to say about my post, there will be people emailing me criticising my style of blogging, telling me what I should be blogging, how I should be blogging to avoid being an egoistical nightmare to them all. I admit to a certain extent, I do blog for readership but must I compromise my style to some self-depreciating style to entertain those who cannot tolerate my so called egoistical entries? Get a life, I mean seriously, digressing a little, it is my blog and if you so hate the things I have to say, don't read my blog, it is that simple, I am not pointing a gun at your head forcing you to read my blog am I?

Some girls I know, had to be less than who they truly are so as to satisfy their boyfriends, or rather their male chauvisnist KINGKONG pigs' boyfriends who cannot accept girls who are better than them. Some people have to be less than who they are so as to not be viewed as a stuck up bitch or ass. So moral of the story is to stop being yourself, stop achieving success, change yourself to someone who is perhaps useless or someone lousy or get persecuted if you are not lousy enough. How much use is this to anyone really?

Somehow, I can't help but to think this world's full of sadists, sadists who derives pleasure from watching others struggle the same way as they are struggling, it is perhaps easier to connect with others who are struggling the same way as you are or with those who suffer worse fate than yours.

Trick to life?

Stay afloat, amidst all the chaos, lawlessness, uncertainties and so on.

It is those who stay afloat and thus alive that matters, not those who sunk, those will be forever buried in the sea and nobody will ever remember them, what's left of them anyway?

Can a relationship really be a relationship when the people involved in it don't actually want each other as much as they should? Can it really be considered a relationship when people somewhat settled for one another because of pragmatic reasons and not because of chemistry? Can we really call the relationship we have with others one when we somewhat chose to settle for less and that lesser of a partner is somewhat your other half in that relationship?

Some of my pretty good friends told me outright, straight in my face, without even any hint of embarrassment, that they have indeed settled for less in their own relationships. I am not saying any of them should feel embarrassed for their decisions and choices, it is afterall them who are emotionally involved with someone, not me. Their confessions struck me like bolts of lightning, for once, I was, in a very long time, dumbfounded. Utterly shaken by the actuality of reality.

For a very very long time, I've been trapped in my own utopia, a fantasy like world which I've created at the back of my head, where love without the special chemistry will simply not exist, where being just compatible (in every aspects, from intellectuality to living styles and standards etc) just won't do, something more is needed. The anxiety attacks whereby one will suffer just by thoughts of meeting that someone special or even just daydreams of that person alone, the butterflies in your stomach conjured up by accidental contact with that special someone and so on are all pre-requisites in order for someone like me to start seeing someone. Wild explosions, getting all shy and extremely happy just by one glance shot at me by that special someone is somewhat something I've always kept in my playground, my utopia. Yes, I am seeking for that adrenaline rush feeling.

Quixotical? Not necessarily, I believe such wonderment exists so long as you are willing to wait for it. That coming from me must be certainly a surprise since I am more popularly known as a pragmatist, shouldn't I be more down to earth and face reality and admit that people do settle for less when it comes to relationship. Well I do accept that, but that does not mean I have to give up my own pursuit for the knock my socks off relationship.

I don't think it is ever wrong to settle for less when it comes to relationships, however I do think one will ultimately be at the losing end if he/she decides to ever do so, for one, he/she will never be able to experience the euphoria of a blow me away relationship, and secondly you'll never know what's really out there because you are too afraid to really venture out and see if you'll ever find the legendary mermaids living under the sea and I can really go on and on about this but I'll just stop here with a thirdly, thirdly, you'll probably never feel the excitement and sparks in your relationship, for you people, it might just be a monotonous roller coaster ride.

Some ex-classmate of mine once said this to me, "I would love to meet your future boyfriend, he must be someone really special", I remember asking why she said that and to that she replied, 'because you want more out of life', that coming from someone who don't really know me that well. Makes me really wonder if I am indeed that obvious or is she a gypsy, I would really wish it's the latter, damn cool to have a gypsy friend can?

Hi everyone,

I'm taking a break from this space for about 2 weeks, will have more stuff to entertain when I am back.

Also, for people who have been accessing my blog with vivacious-oomph.com, you guys can now set the addy to gwendoliv.blogspot.com as I am no longer continuing the subscription of the web hosting.

best regards
livvy

Tony Blair's Historic Third Term - Bravo Blair! Well done!

I woke up this morning checking the results of the election, feeling all so pleased and happy that my favourite politician, Tony Blair has won the third term of the election. This is no mean feat, afterall no labour party has ever won three consecutive election term.

Now all of you who are unhappy about this result and who might too think at the same time I have gone mad supporting someone who advocates war and all that, hold that thought now. I for one am not a supporter of war. One thing I dislike about this entire election is the focus on what Blair has supposedly done wrong in participating in the war, I mean who are you to justify whether the war is right or wrong? I don't agree with the justification made by the British government however I believe the war can be justified based on the premises that Saddam's regime is one that is repressive, oppressive and causes nothing but hardship to people. Do any of you have a single clue as to what the sons of Saddam and he himself has committed against their own subjects? Sure, you are right to say, this is still wrong because how can countries just intervene when a regime is repressive, shouldn't we all just mind our own business? Ok valid point made and for one, I do agree US politics are ever so nosey with other states' affairs but still I support the war in the name of greater good, compassion for humanity, in spite of all the lawlessness that went on in the regime for awhile. I am no massacrer and no butcher, mind you.

Another thing I hate about what some of the Britons have said about supporting any other party except for Labour because "we should send out a clear indication that this country has no tolerance for massacrer". Gosh people, you sure understand your electoral power placed firmly in your hands but do you actually know how to use it? By supporting other parties by which you have no intention of doing so but the reason why you voted for them is all because you disagree with Blair's views on iraq war is being plain childish, stupid and abuse of your own electoral power which the politicians try so desperately to woo. Do you know that this single day is the only day by which you can exercise your powers as a citizen effectively and vote for whichever party that will effectively be the government in power. Why are your views that myopic people? Iraq war is a thing of the past that happened and yes you are entitled to your views that it is morally wrong and you don't like it, but don't vote for other ineffective government just to spite Labour. Consider properly as to what is it about Labour you don't like and what is it that you like about Labour, weigh all the pros and cons up, consider the past achievements and promises made by the party, consider their current manifestos and then decide. By doing so you would have given yourself enough credit to moan and groan if the taxes do inflate in near future when you clearly voted for a party that advocates no inflation of taxes. I mean, come on look at the bigger picture, not just an angle of the picture.

Another relevant point with regards to this election, which I particularly find distasteful is some of the Britons' laziness to vote, if you don't bother voting for the party which its manifestos supports better NHS services and that party don't win the election, should nothing be done about NHS services, can you then still complain? Moan and moan is what everyone else is doing and what they only know how to do when they don't even bother contributing their own votes to make their stand and expect things to go their way, what kind of warped logic is this man? You believe in something, you go out and advocate it, you want something, you go get it, you do nothing and expect something to happen your way, fat hope is all I have to say.

Another distasteful point of this elections is the abuse of ethnicity as well as religion. Many has claimed that Iraq war is not just a war but a war on muslims, give me a break. COME ON, what the hell is wrong with your puny brains, it has nothing to do with ethnicity and religion, it was a war supposedly declared against "weapons of mass destruction", stop abusing religion and ethnicity. That was a war against Iraq, a war against weapons of mass destruction, THIS is an ELECTION, where people should not go on a rampage and scath bitterly at Blair over the iraq war, surely the issues Labour party is set on sorting out are something of current interests and something which matters more and what is it with you people for crying out disrespect for ethnicity and religion when there are already legislations set up to protect you? This reminds me of Omarosa in the Apprentice, yes the black woman who cried discrimination when none of such issues arose during the show, I am sure all of you will agree with that if you've watched that season of the Apprentice.

On an ending note, I am so pleased with Blair's triumph! Me likey! Let's hope for better NHS services and oh to a better chamber of House of Lords whereby 92 of the remaining hereditary peers will say bye bye to their posts! *Celebrates* Ahahaha, maybe i should go set up a Blair fansite

He made me realised how important it is for one to stay true to oneself and how much I've been trying to be someone else whom I think is much better than my real self. I guess to a certain extent, I really don't want to be labelled as arrogant and stuck up like the past but to another extent that actually is a good thing and that is being myself I guess. I was not born to be arrogant or even aloof, I just am not exactly that friendly but I've been learning how to be friendly and I guess my attempts have somewhat been too over the top.

I guess I should start being the real me all over again, don't want to give the wrong impressions again. I need to start reverting back. I can still be friendly but not so friendly and accessible anymore. I don't want to be everyone's best friend.

I should not be sorry that I am no longer the other person whom I thought I can become, friendly, approachable and accessible to everyone. I should start living my own life as I've always wanted to and avoid all social stigma or even expectations to enjoy my lifelong roller coaster. Why is it so hard to practice what I preach sometimes, I really wonder. I should not be ashame to be myself, else things are just going to get harder for me.

Sometimes when something good happens to us, we need to believe that we deserve them. Yes, it is hard isn't it? Especially when you think so lowly of yourself and constantly beat your inner self up. Trust me, we all have such moments, by that I mean every single one of us breathing and walking on this blue planet. Surely there is something good inside of you anyway.

If you don't believe that you are well worth the good thing that comes your way, nobody will believe you are worth it. Only by believing that you do deserve the good thing will you truly own that moment and validate your self worth. As I always say, existence of oneself is more often than not the true validation of self worth. Love yourself, in every way, pay no attention to what people have to say about you, you need to show them the way to look at you and how to respect you, starting with your very self.

I know whenever things go wrong, friends who care wants to be there for me and every now and then they would like to fix me and pick up the broken pieces I left behind. I appreciate all of that, however one thing everyone needs to realise is I don't need anyone else to fix me, I basically fix myself, growing dependent on others is simply not the way to live. I am a soldier, I fight all the time, yes there may be moments when I felt completely lost, confused, upset and even beaten but I never give up, there will always be something somewhere worth fighting for, yes somewhere. I might say 101 things to make myself feel miserable but that does not mean I will ever give up, if I do, I make sure it is for the right reasons.

I had a miserable day yesterday but when a new day starts, I am all ready to start a new battle again. I am unbreakable, nobody can break me, for I am a soldier who lives my life the way I want to and yes discourage me all you want, make me feel miserable but don't just stop there and think yes, I've beaten her inside out, she's given up. No, I am terribly sorry, don't think of me that way, don't insult me for who I am that way, I will somehow fight my way back and you can be sure of that. Sure I might have tons of bruises here and there, whimpering as you thrust another blow at me, but that is all temporary.

I don't know how relevant is this but anyway, Sebas and I had a long chat the other day over the phone, debating about what I've been doing for the society which I'm currently involved with, he like everyone else thinks that I have been wasting a lot of my time to put things together and perhaps I did waste some time on the society but it was what I needed to do. I for one, don't believe in the theory that there will always be someone there to do the job, if everyone were to think that way, then where the hell is that someone who is supposed to be there doing the job?

The world is a place full of irresponsible individuals who are basically selfish and cannot be bothered to do their job and these people are the slackers and when they don't do their job, someone else might have to do them because it might be a team project or something which involves other people, slackers slack because they know they can and why are we encouraging them to slack by doing their share of work? Simple, because it concerns us too, if they don't get the job done and we don't cover them, consequence will most probably end up with you being affected, which is why you do the dirty job for them. Smart asses? Maybe. Me the fool because I cover their asses, uh uh, I don't think so, I am only doing it because it concerns me, if it doesn't, I say good luck to them all and live my life as per normal, no time for such losers anyway. Think of me as the fool who dedicated her time to the society, think of me as someone who is stupid but hey, I don't care, I do what I have to do and that is what I've always been taught, responsiblity. Sure what kind of responsiblity are we talking about when you are covering people's asses. Well look at it this way, the world's full of slackers, if you can't seem to find ways to get them move their butts then instead of thinking of you being the silly fool covering their ass, just think of them as losers by birth who can never seem to get things done and sadly, in the long run or the long marathon also known as life, you will be the one who reap the most benefits out of everything. Words of comforts? Nah, it is just practicing what I always preach, if you don't like something, change it, if you can't change the way you think about it.

They say whatever campaigns that politicians are running, no matter how good they look on the surface, no matter how much good they seem to be doing to us or even just other less well provided for people, they are nothing but shams and too one of the means to achieve the end-results, to receive as many votes as possible. Ah yes, the clever politicians who has been playing the game of manipulation and temptation, by doing something or by giving us something that we want, they get their votes. It does not take a genius to realise, while they were campaigning for the good of mankind or what have you, they are actually one step closer to achieve what they have set out to achieve. They are the despicable scums dressed in suits and earning high salaries who carefully blindfolded us, citizens, so skillfully that we thought it was night when it was just the blindfold doing the trick.

"Scums", you say, everything is not about the people but themselves, they are all trying to achieve their own objectives through us, but then again so what? Who in the world can say that they have never done anything with a cleverly hidden agenda? I say, nobody. We've been busy catching the dirty politicians playing the game but isn't this a game we all play too? Isn't this just an issue of how good you are at hiding your secret agenda? Food for thought?

Conceited, contemptuous people who takes relationships for granted ought to know something, relationships between human beings are never constant, neither is it always there, it can be broken as easily as it was first built.

Nobody waits around for people indefinitely, people linger around a while longer after break ups but that does not mean they will always be there for the heart breakers at the end of the day. So contemptuous people, whoever you are, who has nothing but excessive high regards for yourself who thinks that your ex lovers will always be there for you when you are ready, please pull up your socks and wake up and get this straight, you are replaceable and base on the fact that you only allow yourself to make the decision to get back when you are ready or work on the relationship when you are ready, you are hardly worth the wait and don't even think about it for even 1 second, you just need to know that someone as selfish and self-absorbed as you don't deserve whatever you expect.

I just learnt that if someone trusts you, they trust you, if they don't, every negligible thing that you have said or done, which might be completely innocent but it all became so not innocent because opportunists who are there to discredit your character and personality turned things around, or added their own unjustified interpretation of what your actions meant and turn that someone against you. Basically in short everything will discredit you if someone don't trust you.

Yes maybe sometimes we will all doubt the supposedly trusted ones at a certain point based on hearsay, but at the end of the day you need to evaluate what kind of person that person who tells you about what your trusted friend has said or done is, you need to ask yourself how much do you trust that trusted friend of yours, is it enough to give him/her enough credit to trust that he/she will never say or do anything like that? If still in doubt and provided that trusted person is important enough, you probably might want to go to him/her and talk things through and see what he/she has to say before disposing them conveniently.

If the informer is some kind of double-faced whore, don't even bother about what they say really, if right from the start you have doubts in that same person, don't bother trusting him/her, because at the end of the day, the only fool will be you and your trusted friend, not them.

When you and I were babies long time ago, did we ever give up learning how to walk? Did we ever stop grasping the technique to walk like our parents? Sure, we crawled before we walked. We might have stumbled here and there, went all wobbly and fell so many times that our butts were sore but we never stopped trying did we? Yes, we were brave little beings when we entered the world, yes, just by the very fact we never stopped trying and that got us all walking around, progressing eventually to running around.

But are you still the same old you now? Well, probably not, we stopped trying a lot of different things as we grow older. Was it the naivety instilled in us then that kept us trying, was it the same set of ignorance that kept us going? I think so. It seems like as we grow older, we tend to be less courageous, we tend to restrict ourselves to trying new things, we tend to hold back a little because we need to establish what we are doing is normal so as to guarantee ourselves that we won't be laughed at if we attempt this. Of course, some of us are risk takers but like I said, its some, not all. So what is it that stole our courage away? Awareness of society's perceptions of what is normal. Perhaps it is too because, giving up without attempting is sometimes the safest option, at least you didn't try and fail and allow everyone to laugh at you but what happens if you managed to pull it off, irrespective of the consequences, you are a winner by attempting and if you pull yourself together and attempt the walk again, people will somehow never look at you the same way again. They know for a fact that you are one hell of a person, you believe in your convictions, you either give up after trying because you know its impossible, or you continue working on it till you succeed, either way, they would admire you for the strength they lack in, that is to try.

Then again there is this category of people who give up before they even try, because they received feedback from the vast majority that their ideas will never materialise because they said so and trust me half of the population let these people get to them and they give up before even trying. Well these people are certainly weaklings, yes of course, there is a fine line between striving for the impossible and the possible, but who is to say what you are attempting is impossible until you tried that out? Ignore those idiots who tells you, it is impossible because based on their experiences, that can never happen. Well to hell with them, a long time ago, people told Richard Brandson that his dream to launch Virgin Galactic is impossible, did he bother about what was said? No and in fact, he is in the midst of preparing launching Virgin Galactic in the next 5 years. Now how's that?

Criticisms, critcisms and more criticisms are what people have to offer, day and night, all year round, 365 days, 24/7, everyone just knows how to criticise without offering solutions. All they ever know is judge, judge, judge and give more and more of those useless advices, advices and more advices and all those weak people ever do is take in all that is said and stop trying. Somehow these people's calling is just to heed the advice from the supposedly wise majority and give up, they are unexceptional, and did I mention, great followers? This is too what sets entrepreneurs/leaders and employees apart. These people lack the mental fortitude to press on in whatever they believe in and hey when you believe in something, give it at least a shot, that is the least credit you can give to your own ideas and dreams.

Nobody will be there to tell you what gives you great success, you have to work hard towards it and oh yes find it first. Be innovative, creative, be different because that is what sets you apart from the rest of the pack. Nobody can predict what will happen in life and nobody should ever have a right to tell you what you should do with your life or plans you have in life, just who the hell do they think they are?

My ex hallmate, despite being naughty and crazy the way she is, she is unique and she don't really give a damn as to what people think about her. For that I respect her for who she is. She chose to do textiles and designing regardless of what others have told her like how she can make a better living after university if she was to choose a business degree or anything that is in demand but textiles and designing? What can she do with it? Well lots, if you were to ask me, she has the talent in designing clothes, talent in art and basically that is her strength, why is it that everyone don't see that and they try to make them see the world from their perspective rather than trying to see the world from her views? If she has a talent in art and designing, she could jolly well carve a niche and get a hell of a career out of designing, for all you know, she might even be the next Marc Jacobs (the female version though). She exudes differentness, a sort of charm that you don't find in everyone these days. Everyone from long long time ago wanted to be different individuals, they have their own sophiscated thoughts and ideologies, but now? Everyone is just so mainstream, adhering to society's views and the general crowd's ideas and opinions, compromising their convictions to normalcy, giving up when people tells them what they are going to embark on is impossible, giving up without even trying.

Answer, strangely, your very self. Because you allow, what the society perceives as what is normal, get to you and because you never give more credit than you actually are worth to yourself, how can you ever live a life that is fulfilling and belongs to you? Put it simply, you are living a life that is defined by people to be a life, rather than living a life that you define as life and your life that is. How much is the life defined by all others but yourself worth at face value? A grand total of, ZERO, yes repeat after me, ZERO, again let's do it together one last time, ZERO. Somebody please help me understand how not to look down on these people who lack the mental fortitude because seriously I cannot comprehend what kind of life that is. Sometimes I get so sick of seeing people compromising their views just to so call fit in when there is no such "in" for them to fit into. Striving for normalcy is sometimes just dumb, you are who you are and don't try to change the fact that you are different, you cannot just live your life like every dead dictated zombies in this pathetic world. As if a material world is not sad enough, a pathetic world where you are trying to be everyone else is just inexplicable state of hopelessness.

My advice to you all? Never stop trying. Never stop believing in yourself. Live a life not just live. Don't be afraid to be different. Live a life for yourself, not for others. Attempt on what you think is possible and screw everyone else's views, they don't matter anyway. It's hard but you'll enjoy it.

When I was young, I was kind of always hanging out with lots of boys of around my age who lives down the block or in the same block. We do silly things like catching worms, climbing trees all sorts of funny and sometimes dangerous stunts, I enjoyed them anyway.

I remembered playing tug-o-war with a boy when I was 9 years old, he was a neighbour's friend's son. It started out as a friendly match kind of thing, but it turned ugly when I won the one on one tug-o-war against this boy because he pushed me because he lost. I refused to be treated badly and I know for a fact that if I allow him to push me like that, he will continue to bully me. Hence I pushed him harder and made sure he fell to the ground with just one push. That sent him crying and into his mum's arms, whining and moaning about how I bulied him.

Then when I was 15 or 16, back in secondary school, during a confrontational session about some stupid girl problems, which are strangely never found in boys' relationship with one another as friends, someone wanted to stand up for this girl and threatened to wack me if I continue to talk. Instead of shutting my trap, I took one step forward towards that girl till her face and my face were just 6 inches away and I told her "Go ahead". She flung her bag on the table and attempted to hit my face but instead I was the one who managed to slapped her real hard and dodged her attempt. She cried after that, but do i really care? No. Because the concept of life is, you never allow someone to pick on you, not especially in front of a crowd, because the rest of the pack will just all take their turn and have a go at bullying you.

These 2 incidents not just showed me how I must retaliate when treated badly but too taught the two that in life, you can always pick on someone but just remember that someone may not let you get away with it and sometimes, more often than not, they will kick your ass back and shut your trap and keep you where you really belong.

Reflections

This is something new I am attempting to do for my blog, I've decided in order to prevent repeating myself over and over and over again, I decided to keep track of what I post by taking note of what I've been posting and perhaps do a reflections entry every time I feel like it's about time to. So regulars who have been reading my stuff will just probably have to bear with such entries.

Past few months, have been nothing but jam packed with negative emotions, I have been on a palpitating and overwhelming emotional roller coaster ride, some very strange thoughts about life will possess me every now and then and realisation of such shocking, stark naked facts and truth can be sometimes that scary and this feeling is not something one would like to really experience. It has been a dolorous period. I bitched about plastics, I questioned about almost everything, I then continue moaning and moaning about how I feel and finally the long awaited moment has arrived, I am all ready to move on. Moving on are probably the two of the most frequently used words by me, I like to move on and it's like my pet phrase kind of thing. I have had ups and downs, I have been vulnerable, I might have been browbeaten by my thoughts, but hey on the bright side, I have survived them all. You know how it is like with life, sometimes when we are going through some difficulties, no matter how upset or worried we may feel, somehow a part of us know, we will get through this and we always do, don't we? I think moments of desperations and helplessness are somehow very enlightening experiences, only having countered them will you be able to say "hey look, I am proof that everything is possible!" How cool is that? Simply love this concept. At the end of the day, what kept me going are my parents and my positivity, somehow I can manage to make everything seem not so bad. That's perhaps the best gift I've ever had.

So who's google-ing / yahoo-ing you now?

What do you do when you need to look for a long lost friend these days? Well you can either log on to your friendster account and search for that person or just go googling or yahooing that person on the www. Unbelievable? Well folks, I've just been googled & yahooed not once but thrice this year. What on earth? Seriously, I have no idea how people can actually go about googling and yahooing for some people and the best part is they actually manage to find that person through their BLOG! My gawd, what have I exposed myself to man, I mean really, I didn't even include any surname of mine while signing up for this blog and I used pseudonymous name like gwendoliv and strangely type out my full name and there my blog is, the very first link on the search page of yahoo.

No wonder all that warning for people who badmouth their employers in their blogs should becareful as for all they know, one fine day their employers may just chance upon their blogs and give them the sack (Well in the olden days, the relationship between employers and employees are that of master and servants and the servants lived with the employers until they are given the sack to pack up and go when they are dismissed)

It is just not very encouraging sometimes knowing how vulnerable I actually am on the net, how exposed I am actually when I post an entry or create something on the net but then again I chose to expose myself by creating this blog, so well, no complains or whatsoever. It just scares the bejesus out of me sometimes knowing that someone out there on the world wide web is yahoo-ing or googling me but then again I'm not the sole object that orbits around people's world.

Tommorow always come but will everything remain the same tommorow? Things changes, all the time, if there's any more useful thing I've ever learnt is the only one constant in life is changes. We all know life's unpredictable, nothing stays the same but yet we still enjoy taking things, in particular, people for granted. We never know how to treasure people around us until they are gone and when they are gone, we try to make things up but sometimes we all know somethings are very breakable and fragile and once broken, it's as good as destroyed forever.

I think relationships between people are that fragile and that easily breakable. A friendship I have once treasured a lot was gone because I got sick of proving to my friend I was her worthy and true friend who will be there to catch her when she falls, I got sick of waiting for her to see I am worth it. I moved on with my life without her and then voila ici! One fine day, she was enlightened, she seemed to have understood the special bond we once shared was so unique and something she should have learnt how to treasure before I decided to move on, but like I said, I have then moved on, it was all too late, it is difficult sometimes to really mend the broken mirror when there's so many cracks on it or even if there is just one, its bad enough. I know that as much as I enjoyed the times we have once spent together and all the happy memories we have given one another, I know things will never be the same again. I've tried to put all the negative things I felt about her behind me, behind us, but its not possible, for somehow the pain inflicted was then too much for me to bear, it is still now, it's like how I think back and remember those happy times we've once spent doing crazy things, driving each other bananas, all the petty fights and naturally the pain and hurtful choice she made over someone else and how she has once taken me for granted, will all too be remembered. It is hard for her to comprehend why I am not willing to really put myself out there for her again, because she don't know how much she once meant to me and how much hurt I've felt before finally moving on.

I don't think anyone on this planet, in their right frame of mind would appreciate the fact that they have all been taken granted by someone, be it a friend, the special someone, anyone actually. Somehow I think the younger me has always been placed in such situations of allowing people to take me for granted because of my niceties. I used to be always there for people around me and that was stupid. I figured people enjoying treating people as insignificant when they are always there for them and why should I be the fool who's always willing to welcome people into my open arms when they are in need? Hence, I morphed into someone else, I no longer want to be there for people for all times, I don't get anything out of all these, sadly as much as you all like to criticize me for being such a meanie, just ask yourself, will you want to get yourself in a relationship, be it between friends or bgr kind of relationship knowing that you will be the one giving and never receiving? There we go! It's not wrong to be considerate to yourself, for in this world, by being too considerate to others' feelings will do you no good at the very end of the day if that person don't reciprocate, we have to right our own injustice by being considerate to our very selves. People like you and me need to understand, tommorow always comes but no one thing stays the same tommorow, the sun may have been up today but it does not necessarily mean the sun will rise tommorow, someone might be waiting for you today but just tommorow, he/she might have just decided to give up the wait and move on for something worse or better, your friend today might be your foe tommorow, such is life, full of changes. Pity your soul if you lose something the very next day, pity it only when you never treasure it.

I think changes are good sometimes and I really welcome them sometimes despite they might sometimes be too radical for my own good, sometimes I feel almost sad that things have to turn out the way they did and such invokes powerful perplexing and sorrowful thoughts. But then again, this all teaches me how to really cherish every moment of my life and the people around me and sometimes just reminiscing the times we've spent are sometimes good enough, these will be memories stored in my heart, for le coeur, qui est la source de la mémoire (the heart is the source of memories) Will you survive changes? Yes you will, what don't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Never settle for the path of least resistance

I'm down to my last paper, which is the employment paper and well am kinda looking forward to it in a good way, I just want to sit for it, ace that paper and move one step closer to what I've set out to accomplish. I sound really positive, don't I?

But just yesterday, the 'me' whom everybody knows just wasn't herself. I was defeated or rather I felt defeated and I felt I've wasted my parents' time and I haven't been doing what I can, that is to excel. My own laziness almost caused me a huge price to pay. Why was I feeling that depressed? Well, it all boils down to this paper called EC Law paper which I had to take as a mandatory requirement. I didn't put any effort into trying to learn what EC Law is about until it's too late for my own good, which is during the christmas break. I went back home for about a month or so and during the first week I actually sat down and studied EC Law and remarkably I understood what the big fat green textbook more commonly known as craig and de burca was saying and I was actually interested in the subject but due to the flu I've caught, I kind of stopped at chapter 2 of that big fat daunting green book and because time was passing by so quickly and because tommorow ALWAYS come and my first paper was the one subject I enjoyed quite a fair bit and was also the paper which I want to get my 2:1 for that, I kissed EC goodbye and wave a warm hello to this other purplish blackish textbook better known as hanbury and completely abandoned EC.

Was planning to cover EC within 2 days after my first paper for its due 2 days after the first, bad planning, terribly bad. I fell terribly tired and sick on the first day thus didn't accomplish much save for touching the bit on free movement of goods and the second day I got up at 6am and from the moment my eyelids defied gravity and the moment I wake up, I started studying like a mad woman from 6am to 1am, taking 1 hr break for lunch and 15mins for dinner and perhaps 45 mins running around my tiny little room to stretch abit. You see the golden rule about revising is, you have to REVISE not START LEARNING and the thing about leaving things to last minute is you usually screw them up and yesterday was the worst day of my life.

You see the thing about me is I am usually very lazy when it comes to studying and I've always maintained that attitude towards my academic all the way till one year after my O levels, for some strange reason I actually pulled my socks up and was somehow enlightened by how much potential I have in me to accomplish what I want, the only condition is if only I TRY. So yes, back to yesterday, yesterday I was cramming perhaps 6 weeks of EC stuff into my head and because I gotten so tired by the time the clock strikes 9pm, which is actually my bedtime, I started tearing. Yes, I felt as though I am going to fail this paper because I simply cannot remember what I've covered, I looked at past year papers at least 10 times and started crying and I said to myself, I am not going to make it this time. I then questioned myself why didn't I take the advice of this lecturer of mine back in some institution in Singapore, why don't I just go to some lousy university and 'be the star of the faculty' (yes in his own words) and graduate with a first class degree, why do I even think I can excel in a top 10 law school in UK? WHY? WHY? WHY? I hated myself for making that decision and that was at 9.10pm, this is actually not something new, I've said this a million times to some other friends when I complain how bad EC is and blah blah but I forgotten how enjoyable I found it a read when I went back and sat down, put aside the discriminatory feelings I have for that big fat textbook and just sat there sipping a cup of tea, enjoying the read and I forgotten the reasons why I chose to put the 4 top law school choices on my ucase (ok let me be honest, I did include 2 average universities as safety nets), because the Livia then believe in herself, because people who love me and knows me the best believe in me and I told myself then, life's all about trying so I applied and received the said offers, one of which is the institution which I am currently in. I made the choice to enter a good law school because I believe I can, because I have the potential, because I dream, because I have such dear wishes I want to carry out, because if I have to go to some lousy law school and excel in that, there will then be no pride or self-worth value for myself. There will then be nothing to feel proud of. I wanted challenges and here it is staring right at me. I gave myself 2 tight slaps and I continued the battle and I must tell you, from that point onwards, I somehow, quite strangely understood what I've studied so far and remembered what I've covered back home. I thought about my parents, my father and my mother, the more I think about them, the more resentment I have, when you compare both my parents and myself, they put me to shame, my father for one, is a very determined and strong person, he has a strong conviction in whatever he believes in and he will never give up till the result or outcome is finite, he for one is one such man who will fight till his very last breath and my mum on the other hand is one who is never afraid to try anything new, never afraid to fall down and pick herself up and learn whatever she was trying to learn all over again (ok this is a little like my dad too, no wonder they are so compatible) and me? I am just one spoilt brat who just crumbles when everything seems too much for me to take. (Ok although I've sat for my EC paper and the outcome of it is still unknown, I am still pretty happy that I gotten my act altogether and fought till the very end, its like they always say, its the journey that matters)

The mere thought of falling short of two very important people's expectations, well not really expectations but convictions in me just made me terribly upset and I know that if they've heard all that rubbish I've said, they will be disappointed in me so I told myself, do not disappoint people whom you love and hold so dearly to your heart, you are just not making things work for you, please concentrate and please fight till the very end, only then will you not be sorry. A good scolding I gave myself sent me back in the arms of that big fat daunting green textbook and well it now seems to me that in life, you can only set out to be the best and you will be the best if you believe in yourself, if you always take the route that's well-travelled by all others, you'll be like everyone but you are not everyone, you enjoy being irreplaceable, not interchangeable, you have to 'never fear those mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance, living might mean taking chances but they are worth taking' and this is what I've finally understood and will live with for the rest of my life. I hope the rest of you who once fell in the arms of despair will find this encouraging, nothing's impossible, not trying means everything's impossible. I guess its true that we all have our moments of desperation, helplessness and mixture bag of emotions of nothing but negative emotions but hey you know what, heck those, face them head on and fight bravely, it is then when you discover your own strength (something I heard somewhere but cannot remember where) and oh 'give faith a fighting chance' and good luck everyone in whatever you all do.

Dear friends and people who are reading my blog,

My site's still on hiatus, I am writing just to make an appeal to you all to make a generous donation to the victims who were struck by the tidal waves that hit asia, the regions which many call their home. Every little bit counts, we all can make a difference, many times we feel sympathy and pity for people who have been hit by natural disasters but don't just feel sorry, do something. Provide some assistance to them and make a difference, at the very least, you know you have helped someone who needs assistance badly and together we can create miracles, be the pillar of strength for these people, let them know someone out there on this blue planet actually cares for them. I think the best gift now which we can all give is money, nothing else really matters, please donate generously, pool some money together with your friends and family, make donations to the Singapore Red Cross Society or American Red Cross Society, Oxfam etc today. Do your bit. I know I have contributed, what about you?