Ever wonder why people simply enjoys putting you down?
Ever wonder why people don't tell the truth about how they feel?
Ever wonder people likes to play the game of deceit?
Ever wonder why people spread insidious rumours?
Ever wonder why people create conflicts between people?
Ever wonder why you stop trusting people?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you lost an emotional bet?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you lose friends because of misunderstandings or rumours, which you don't even get to defend yourself?
Ever wonder what are you ever gonna do if you lose the courage to stand tall and continue fighting for what you believe in?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you stop believing in what you used to believe?
Ever wonder what the hell is going to happen to you emotionally and physically when all you've held dear to your heart's all shattered?
Sunday, November 14, 2004
"There are days when I feel the best of me is ready to begin
And they're days when I feel i'm letting go and soaring on the wind
Cause i've learned in laughter or in pain how to survive" - Jaci Velasque, On my Knees
This is what I truly feel right now. I am all ready to stop crying, pick myself up and move on. Really, I am willing to put all that has happened behind me and just move on. It doesn't matter who once did me wrong, who once betrayed my trust, who once manipulated me, who once duped me, they are all over and I am glad I am still me, still here as me and even though there are days when I've broke down and cried because I couldn't take it anymore but those are just moments when I felt vulnerable and miserable but there's more to life and living. I don't just want to survive, I want to live, I crave to rise above all difficulties and I will keep on fighting and when you feel someday you have nothing to hold on to, just remember you have yourself to take care and account to, and for that I'll keep on fighting.
And they're days when I feel i'm letting go and soaring on the wind
Cause i've learned in laughter or in pain how to survive" - Jaci Velasque, On my Knees
This is what I truly feel right now. I am all ready to stop crying, pick myself up and move on. Really, I am willing to put all that has happened behind me and just move on. It doesn't matter who once did me wrong, who once betrayed my trust, who once manipulated me, who once duped me, they are all over and I am glad I am still me, still here as me and even though there are days when I've broke down and cried because I couldn't take it anymore but those are just moments when I felt vulnerable and miserable but there's more to life and living. I don't just want to survive, I want to live, I crave to rise above all difficulties and I will keep on fighting and when you feel someday you have nothing to hold on to, just remember you have yourself to take care and account to, and for that I'll keep on fighting.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Today was a really cold and foggy day, it is one of those days which you would just like to stay in or hop on a bus to thaw yourself since its so freaking cold and I absolutely hate the idea of walking around when its so cold and guess what, there are still beggars on the street asking for spare change (that is a nicer way to beg for money I guess).
Sometimes I wonder, if the beggars on the street are sad and/or hungry everyday? To be snubbed away repeatedly many times a day is definitely a horrible feeling, especially when it is so cold out there now. Makes me wonder, if someone out there cries for help, what are the chances of them being heard and assisted? I feel really sad for these people sometimes but sometimes the reasons why I refuse to help them is because they are using these monies for drugs and other vices like drinking, smoking etc, makes me wonder again, if it is really worth empathying them. Life is such, full of contradictions.
Sometimes I wonder, if the beggars on the street are sad and/or hungry everyday? To be snubbed away repeatedly many times a day is definitely a horrible feeling, especially when it is so cold out there now. Makes me wonder, if someone out there cries for help, what are the chances of them being heard and assisted? I feel really sad for these people sometimes but sometimes the reasons why I refuse to help them is because they are using these monies for drugs and other vices like drinking, smoking etc, makes me wonder again, if it is really worth empathying them. Life is such, full of contradictions.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
“Some backstab each other and threaten to settle their differences with a punch”
- Thomas Boswell
For those deceitful creatures doing the above-mentioned or even people who resort to violence to resolve your issues with others, do yourselves a big favour, pull up your socks and get those stupid ideas out of your head. I really hate to say this but it has always been my favourite quote, I got it off somewhere but I just cannot remember where, here goes:
"May God be with you, because he is the only one who will be there for you at the very end"
For all the lies you've told, for all the violences you've committed against others, for all the underhanded means you've gone through just to get things done your way, you are nothing but a low class creature which I don't even have any idea why I am blogging about you this low class creature who cannot seem to see beyond that puny little world of yours, I mean seriously why should I care? But seriously, if you made the mistake and you realised it, sometimes all we need from you people is just an apology, not that we are going to be all chummy again but it is to give this entire saga thing a closure. Sometimes all we need from people is acknowledgement of fault and we may well forgive that person, I know I will but obviously, like I said I will forgive you and bear no grudges but somehow we will not be as chummy as before.
The only mistake I've made this year is to tell 2 freshmen about what happened between somebody else and myself, gee what was I thinking right? Well I guess when you are being slimed all the time, and you hear them from various sources, from different people who are not closely connected to one another, you just find the need to protect yourself and sometimes you would rather tell people about what happened first, then later when the other side of the story has been told and well sometimes you don't even get to present your side of the story.
And if you would have the brains to figure things out, yes those 2 betrayed me, how would I know that? Because I only told them and it has to be them who leaked out the information, trust me I know who I tell my stuff to and also because of some things that happened which kind of pointed out to me indirectly that I was telling them stuff. You know what, I admit I have myself gossiped about the other person but I did not say anything that was not true or put words into that person's mouth and that is all I have done. I am not hurt because of some unpleasant things that happened yesterday but I am unhappy and hurt because what I was deducing actually was true and I genuinely liked these people before until everything came out, it is hurtful, I was even having doubts as to my judgment and was thinking maybe things are not the way I've imagined them to be but sadly they are, never mind, this taught me something, do not be too eager to protect yourself, let the truth speaks for itself, I've made a mistake and I have to live with it and bear it in mind and just move on. In any case, don't worry about me, I'm happy. I'm a happy girl!
- Thomas Boswell
For those deceitful creatures doing the above-mentioned or even people who resort to violence to resolve your issues with others, do yourselves a big favour, pull up your socks and get those stupid ideas out of your head. I really hate to say this but it has always been my favourite quote, I got it off somewhere but I just cannot remember where, here goes:
"May God be with you, because he is the only one who will be there for you at the very end"
For all the lies you've told, for all the violences you've committed against others, for all the underhanded means you've gone through just to get things done your way, you are nothing but a low class creature which I don't even have any idea why I am blogging about you this low class creature who cannot seem to see beyond that puny little world of yours, I mean seriously why should I care? But seriously, if you made the mistake and you realised it, sometimes all we need from you people is just an apology, not that we are going to be all chummy again but it is to give this entire saga thing a closure. Sometimes all we need from people is acknowledgement of fault and we may well forgive that person, I know I will but obviously, like I said I will forgive you and bear no grudges but somehow we will not be as chummy as before.
The only mistake I've made this year is to tell 2 freshmen about what happened between somebody else and myself, gee what was I thinking right? Well I guess when you are being slimed all the time, and you hear them from various sources, from different people who are not closely connected to one another, you just find the need to protect yourself and sometimes you would rather tell people about what happened first, then later when the other side of the story has been told and well sometimes you don't even get to present your side of the story.
And if you would have the brains to figure things out, yes those 2 betrayed me, how would I know that? Because I only told them and it has to be them who leaked out the information, trust me I know who I tell my stuff to and also because of some things that happened which kind of pointed out to me indirectly that I was telling them stuff. You know what, I admit I have myself gossiped about the other person but I did not say anything that was not true or put words into that person's mouth and that is all I have done. I am not hurt because of some unpleasant things that happened yesterday but I am unhappy and hurt because what I was deducing actually was true and I genuinely liked these people before until everything came out, it is hurtful, I was even having doubts as to my judgment and was thinking maybe things are not the way I've imagined them to be but sadly they are, never mind, this taught me something, do not be too eager to protect yourself, let the truth speaks for itself, I've made a mistake and I have to live with it and bear it in mind and just move on. In any case, don't worry about me, I'm happy. I'm a happy girl!
Monday, November 01, 2004
I am not trying to be different, I am different, I just am.
Alot of times, people think of me as the girl who is always trying new stuff, accepting challenges, doing all sorts of things to stand out from the crowd, they all think I am trying to be different, unique in other words. Sometimes they wonder, why can't I just be like everyone else, why can't I just be like them, but I am not them, not now, not ever, will never be like them.
I sail away from the safe harbour not to prove anything or even my self-worth, my existence is the best proof of my self-worth, I sail away from the safe harbour far too many times because I want to see what exactly lies beyond these safety limits, I want to experience life the best way I can, I want to push myself to the limit and that is life for me, sure I demand alot from my life but who doesn't? People who lack the guts to explore and test their own mettle deserves no praise, neither do they have the right to criticise and put down those who dare to dream and live a life with no regrets.
Sure, your life can be far more glamourous than mine because you've taken the well travelled path but can you derive as much satisfaction as I can? Far too many times have we seen successful people leading a empty, hollow life with zero satisfaction let alone a life filled with energy, spirit and happiness. There is one certain pleasure in life that most can't enjoy, that's the pleasure to own the freedom to be different. I don't try to be different, I just am different.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less
traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost
Alot of times, people think of me as the girl who is always trying new stuff, accepting challenges, doing all sorts of things to stand out from the crowd, they all think I am trying to be different, unique in other words. Sometimes they wonder, why can't I just be like everyone else, why can't I just be like them, but I am not them, not now, not ever, will never be like them.
I sail away from the safe harbour not to prove anything or even my self-worth, my existence is the best proof of my self-worth, I sail away from the safe harbour far too many times because I want to see what exactly lies beyond these safety limits, I want to experience life the best way I can, I want to push myself to the limit and that is life for me, sure I demand alot from my life but who doesn't? People who lack the guts to explore and test their own mettle deserves no praise, neither do they have the right to criticise and put down those who dare to dream and live a life with no regrets.
Sure, your life can be far more glamourous than mine because you've taken the well travelled path but can you derive as much satisfaction as I can? Far too many times have we seen successful people leading a empty, hollow life with zero satisfaction let alone a life filled with energy, spirit and happiness. There is one certain pleasure in life that most can't enjoy, that's the pleasure to own the freedom to be different. I don't try to be different, I just am different.
"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less
traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost
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