Being Single
I'm 21 and I am single. I'm not on the prowl and believe it or not, I am happy being single, really just trust me. Recently, people around me have been posing the big 'why' question as to my status of being either single or attached and as if this is not embarassing enough, my so called chummy friends fixed me up with their supposedly good catches, oh come on people, give me some credit, surely I don't need all these unwarranted attention, shower your attention to your other half, I mean really, give me a break, my parents are not even worried about me being single and why should you? *duhz*
Sure, people at my age would already have met their special half and even the 'most disgusting ones' are attached according to my wonderful friend, Sebastian. (I'm giving you all the credit Sebas!) So what? This means I should quickly grab some random guy or in fact any guy friends of mine and seal their fate? Hell no, sorry as much as you think I should, I rather leave everything to fate, chance and opportunity.
Being single's definitely not a crime and I am enjoying every bits of freedom it entails and everything about being single right now, at this point in time, there is really nothing but all good fun! Someone told me we are all on the search for this mysterious object known as love but are we all really searching for love? There may actually exists two main categories of people, those who are on the prowl, thus constantly on the search for love or those who are not on the search for love but will not reject it if it comes along, so which category do you belong to then? For me, I believe I fall very much within the latter category.
Loneliness, age is catching up on you etc etc are simply not reasons to hook up with someone. Come on, have a little pity on the person you are flirting with, don't hurt people and waste his/her time and most importantly your time, surely you have better things to do! And if the right one's not here yet, it means you'll have to wait and hold out there alittle longer, besides all good things are worth the wait. A relationship, in my own opinion (of course you are entitled to your own so long as you don't impose yours on me) is pretty much an investment of your care and concern, patience and emotions, if you are not ready for it, you shouldn't get yourself committed because end of the day, you might just hurt yourself or others and feel get all guilt-ridden for hurting someone who is truly a gem.
Relationships these days have become so commercialised in the sense you actually have fixed a list of expectations and le désir, you meet A and you start checking against your list if he/she is of marriage material, are you both from the same social status, are you guys compatible generally on the whole and if most of the answers are positive, I'll consider and give A a chance. You see what happen to those fairy tales love stories like Cinderella and Snow White & seven dwarfs, do we even heed the implied advice given by Snow White when she sings her "Some day my prince will come, Some day my prince will come ...." no, we don't! WE tend to check our status of being single or attached against the social timeline when one should be getting ready to commit him/herself to someone, we escalate friendships and transform them to relationships thus killing every magic touch to the word 'romance'
Hey you know what, love is not a commodity, you don't get it off shelf the supermarkets after selection and comparison as to which is healthier for you, low carb etc etc, just let nature takes its own course and relax, if you are destined to be a damn bacherlor or spinster, you will be one even if you are attached now at the end of the day! So screw the social perceptions as to when you should find someone to be faithful to and really compel everyone else to see the world and how things work for you in your eyes.
ok I've digressed a little, getting back to my point, I'm perfectly normal and am not a gay, I'm single and I'm loving it so please leave me alone and don't ask me or your friends who have been single for awhile, as unfortunate as you think we are, we are actually enjoying ourselves and the reason why we might be single is perhaps because the right one is not here yet and we are still waiting for him/her to sweep us off our feet and perhaps only then we'll be willing to shack up and walk in sunsets with Mr/Ms the one for me.
Friday, August 13, 2004
Part II
Then came work, (most of us might have worked either part time or temporary during the holidays to earn some extra pocket money) you meet people who are also known as your colleagues at work and inevitably, through sheer proximity, the immense common source of pressure you guys faced complemented with the daily 8 hours or more made these people your friends for the moment till you quit. But of course, not everyone makes friends for the moment, some manage to maintain the friendships even after leaving the work place. Which sets me thinking, what is it that make someone your friend/s?
Moments spent together are perhaps one of the requirements on your 'checklist', for Isabel and me, it was the years we've spent debating and discussing issues pertaining to our lives and our direction for the future, the things we both like to do, the times we've spent laughing ourselves silly and crying ourselves silly all these and so much more, we are much more fortunate than the others because we have found each other and somehow she's my soulmate, we are also much more fortunate because of all the amazing times we've spent going on and on about things we've talked about endlessly without getting bored of one another. It's perhaps the 'X' factor that kept us together, chemistry that is. But are these all?
Let's backtrack a little and reminisce. When we are young, we are all on a clean slate, we are generally more open to making friends with anyone and I mean anyone or even anything, a barbie, a toy car, a pet dog or fish can too be your friends. There is simply no friends-to-be checklist nor is there any expectations set to call someone your friends. But as you grow older, you start developing a certain form of attitude towards life, start pontificating abit more about life, your experiences start shaping you and with each passing year, we become more focused on our interests, ideologies and thus form our own school of thoughts, anyone who don't share your ideas and philosophies of life just don't 'click' with you and you are certainly not interested to know more about what people who are different think, you understand your needs in a friend and start zooming in for friends who share the same interests, same beat pounding on political issues and in short people who are like you. Sometimes because you make friends based on interests like the sports you fancy and the cars you fancy, you tend to get disconnected with these friends after awhile because these people are replaceable, why? Common interests such as kind of sports one play, the passion for cars and hobbies like shopping and dining are commonalities which are not unique and hence people are dispensable once again, there is really nothing to hold the friendship. Sometimes such friendships die after awhile because they got too boring and you need something refreshing, so 'bye bye old friend, here comes a new blood'. And perhaps this is one of the reason why it becomes harder to find new friends and build friendships on an intense level because we have all continued on to our own individual paths and set a certain expectations for our friends-to-be, with the 'those who don't meet the requirements need not apply' kind of attitude, is it really possible to build friendships on an intense level?
People who have known each other for a long time share an amazingly rich history are likely to stay as friends because of the thick context given to the friendship built over the years and it is simply difficult for new friends to jump in to such situations because they cannot understand the 'recycled' jokes that are forever funny, the idiosyncracies, the quirky ways which are deemed funny and not weird because they have not been there then and somehow its never easy to make this new friend see the full picture for he/she has been missing in action through the years the old friends spent, and sometimes people get lazy and they just don't want to repeat their stories like some mindless broken record player that goes on and on and this is also perhaps one of the reason why people like you and me find it hard to make new friends.
Effort is another factor which is not too difficult to understand, it is easy to be friends with anybody when you see them every now and then, be it in school or at work so on and so forth, but it is never easy to remain as friends once you leave school or the same firm. Effort is also a vital ingredient in keeping friends around you close to your and their hearts, you may miss out on the thick context of friendship based on rich history part and find it hard to befriend such new friends but with a little more effort to start building your new history and initiatives to understand a person, you may just find your new great friend. Everything starts out somewhere. I do not think people can be friends and stay friends without making any efforts to keep it alive and going. Quite honestly, very minimal efforts are required to make friends when you are in school or in the same department as someone, like i've said earlier on, it is inevitable your co-workers transform to your friends due to the sheer proximity and time spent everyday together, likewise same theory apply for school, these are perhaps your convenient friends.
What I've blogged today might sound a little depressing but look at it this way, this is the harsh reality of life, try viewing this as the great Tapestry of Life which is made up of many single thread that gets woven among and around other threads and somehow one way or another gets cut. Signing off on a brighter note, there are always exceptions, sometimes a thread is woven in the tapestry till the very end of it's used up. :)
Then came work, (most of us might have worked either part time or temporary during the holidays to earn some extra pocket money) you meet people who are also known as your colleagues at work and inevitably, through sheer proximity, the immense common source of pressure you guys faced complemented with the daily 8 hours or more made these people your friends for the moment till you quit. But of course, not everyone makes friends for the moment, some manage to maintain the friendships even after leaving the work place. Which sets me thinking, what is it that make someone your friend/s?
Moments spent together are perhaps one of the requirements on your 'checklist', for Isabel and me, it was the years we've spent debating and discussing issues pertaining to our lives and our direction for the future, the things we both like to do, the times we've spent laughing ourselves silly and crying ourselves silly all these and so much more, we are much more fortunate than the others because we have found each other and somehow she's my soulmate, we are also much more fortunate because of all the amazing times we've spent going on and on about things we've talked about endlessly without getting bored of one another. It's perhaps the 'X' factor that kept us together, chemistry that is. But are these all?
Let's backtrack a little and reminisce. When we are young, we are all on a clean slate, we are generally more open to making friends with anyone and I mean anyone or even anything, a barbie, a toy car, a pet dog or fish can too be your friends. There is simply no friends-to-be checklist nor is there any expectations set to call someone your friends. But as you grow older, you start developing a certain form of attitude towards life, start pontificating abit more about life, your experiences start shaping you and with each passing year, we become more focused on our interests, ideologies and thus form our own school of thoughts, anyone who don't share your ideas and philosophies of life just don't 'click' with you and you are certainly not interested to know more about what people who are different think, you understand your needs in a friend and start zooming in for friends who share the same interests, same beat pounding on political issues and in short people who are like you. Sometimes because you make friends based on interests like the sports you fancy and the cars you fancy, you tend to get disconnected with these friends after awhile because these people are replaceable, why? Common interests such as kind of sports one play, the passion for cars and hobbies like shopping and dining are commonalities which are not unique and hence people are dispensable once again, there is really nothing to hold the friendship. Sometimes such friendships die after awhile because they got too boring and you need something refreshing, so 'bye bye old friend, here comes a new blood'. And perhaps this is one of the reason why it becomes harder to find new friends and build friendships on an intense level because we have all continued on to our own individual paths and set a certain expectations for our friends-to-be, with the 'those who don't meet the requirements need not apply' kind of attitude, is it really possible to build friendships on an intense level?
People who have known each other for a long time share an amazingly rich history are likely to stay as friends because of the thick context given to the friendship built over the years and it is simply difficult for new friends to jump in to such situations because they cannot understand the 'recycled' jokes that are forever funny, the idiosyncracies, the quirky ways which are deemed funny and not weird because they have not been there then and somehow its never easy to make this new friend see the full picture for he/she has been missing in action through the years the old friends spent, and sometimes people get lazy and they just don't want to repeat their stories like some mindless broken record player that goes on and on and this is also perhaps one of the reason why people like you and me find it hard to make new friends.
Effort is another factor which is not too difficult to understand, it is easy to be friends with anybody when you see them every now and then, be it in school or at work so on and so forth, but it is never easy to remain as friends once you leave school or the same firm. Effort is also a vital ingredient in keeping friends around you close to your and their hearts, you may miss out on the thick context of friendship based on rich history part and find it hard to befriend such new friends but with a little more effort to start building your new history and initiatives to understand a person, you may just find your new great friend. Everything starts out somewhere. I do not think people can be friends and stay friends without making any efforts to keep it alive and going. Quite honestly, very minimal efforts are required to make friends when you are in school or in the same department as someone, like i've said earlier on, it is inevitable your co-workers transform to your friends due to the sheer proximity and time spent everyday together, likewise same theory apply for school, these are perhaps your convenient friends.
What I've blogged today might sound a little depressing but look at it this way, this is the harsh reality of life, try viewing this as the great Tapestry of Life which is made up of many single thread that gets woven among and around other threads and somehow one way or another gets cut. Signing off on a brighter note, there are always exceptions, sometimes a thread is woven in the tapestry till the very end of it's used up. :)
Monday, August 09, 2004
Friends - Part I
I think one really needs to talk to someone to start disliking them or if one can afford the time one should understand someone before he/she dislikes someone. I think accounts from another person's or in fact rumours and gossips about someone's half the time never true, of course the old saying "There's no smoke without fire" is somewhat profound and sound but don't forget malice is everywhere and people who practice malice are found almost everywhere. Best bet is to really have a chat with someone and feel the vibes see how he or she is like before passing off judgmental remarks like "He/She is a bad person because A told me so or I heard something like that about him/her"
Had it not been the chance both my best friend and I took, to chat with one another and see how one another is like, we would have missed one another in school and never be where we are today, our relationship wouldn't have progressed till today. I think like most others, we have all been victims of malicious gossips and too many times we have both heard bad things about one another and don't ask me how and when we just started giving one another dirty looks as we passed one another until one fine day we were both placed in the best class in the school. Well I remembered vividly how we've met and became friends, it was during one of the PE lessons (PE = physical exercise) and there was then 3 of us, we decided to skip that tortuous lesson and to avoid attending make-up PE lessons from the then PE instructor we had to hide ourselves in the toilet and we stayed there chatting for one entire hour. That was how our friendship began and I'm glad we've met.
I think in a way, my life is alot better since I met her and another friend of ours, I never had any faith in friendships, never had anyone to confide in, never had someone whom I can trust and having betrayed one too many times, I just got sick of the idea of friendship. To me friendship was then just another word that's devoid of its meaning and I just am afraid of having friends, no matter how sincere I am to others, no one really appreciates me. I'm not saying Isabel's some kind of superwoman who changed my life dramatically or whatsoever with a flash of lightning bolt, but she's been an amazing friend, with time on our side, she showed me how I can place my trust in her, how I can confide in her my silliest moments without her being judgmental, how I can rely on her in moments when I'm troubled or when I'm in need and so on and so forth.
It's been a swank-ilicious (That's my equivalent for superlicious) whooping 6 years coming 7 years and we are still the best of friends! I think we have worked our asses off to really keep the friendship going, there's really no magic formula as to how we kept the friendship alive and still going but just loads of love, respect, trust and honesty. (I pray and I pray may we grow old to be funky old ladies together, who will go around wrecking havoc in town wearing those big weird hats scaring the bejesus out of everyone and get away with all that crap cos we are cute little old ladies, too hot for the authorities to handle, I pray and I pray very very hard!)
I don't know if it's just me or everyone, but I do feel that the older I get, the more I value friends and this concept of friendship. Indeed, what makes you form a friendship with someone and what don't is the mind-bogging thing which somehow I can never quite figure. A lot of my friends say its the 'click' factor, it really depends if you can click with someone and also fate for people who are equally as superstitious as me who believes in chances, luck and fate. ok I don't attribute everything to fate and chance but for human relations I really like to relate fate with it.
Back in school, friendships came as of right, they came naturally, you and your friends will form your own cliques and hang around at the various spots in school spending time eating, gossiping (casual gossips), laughing at one another's weird behaviour like farting or burping, hanging out at someone's place to watch some movies, studying together, in fact almost anything under the sun that's doable, you guys will just do it, in packs.
...Part II will be back soon...
I think one really needs to talk to someone to start disliking them or if one can afford the time one should understand someone before he/she dislikes someone. I think accounts from another person's or in fact rumours and gossips about someone's half the time never true, of course the old saying "There's no smoke without fire" is somewhat profound and sound but don't forget malice is everywhere and people who practice malice are found almost everywhere. Best bet is to really have a chat with someone and feel the vibes see how he or she is like before passing off judgmental remarks like "He/She is a bad person because A told me so or I heard something like that about him/her"
Had it not been the chance both my best friend and I took, to chat with one another and see how one another is like, we would have missed one another in school and never be where we are today, our relationship wouldn't have progressed till today. I think like most others, we have all been victims of malicious gossips and too many times we have both heard bad things about one another and don't ask me how and when we just started giving one another dirty looks as we passed one another until one fine day we were both placed in the best class in the school. Well I remembered vividly how we've met and became friends, it was during one of the PE lessons (PE = physical exercise) and there was then 3 of us, we decided to skip that tortuous lesson and to avoid attending make-up PE lessons from the then PE instructor we had to hide ourselves in the toilet and we stayed there chatting for one entire hour. That was how our friendship began and I'm glad we've met.
I think in a way, my life is alot better since I met her and another friend of ours, I never had any faith in friendships, never had anyone to confide in, never had someone whom I can trust and having betrayed one too many times, I just got sick of the idea of friendship. To me friendship was then just another word that's devoid of its meaning and I just am afraid of having friends, no matter how sincere I am to others, no one really appreciates me. I'm not saying Isabel's some kind of superwoman who changed my life dramatically or whatsoever with a flash of lightning bolt, but she's been an amazing friend, with time on our side, she showed me how I can place my trust in her, how I can confide in her my silliest moments without her being judgmental, how I can rely on her in moments when I'm troubled or when I'm in need and so on and so forth.
It's been a swank-ilicious (That's my equivalent for superlicious) whooping 6 years coming 7 years and we are still the best of friends! I think we have worked our asses off to really keep the friendship going, there's really no magic formula as to how we kept the friendship alive and still going but just loads of love, respect, trust and honesty. (I pray and I pray may we grow old to be funky old ladies together, who will go around wrecking havoc in town wearing those big weird hats scaring the bejesus out of everyone and get away with all that crap cos we are cute little old ladies, too hot for the authorities to handle, I pray and I pray very very hard!)
I don't know if it's just me or everyone, but I do feel that the older I get, the more I value friends and this concept of friendship. Indeed, what makes you form a friendship with someone and what don't is the mind-bogging thing which somehow I can never quite figure. A lot of my friends say its the 'click' factor, it really depends if you can click with someone and also fate for people who are equally as superstitious as me who believes in chances, luck and fate. ok I don't attribute everything to fate and chance but for human relations I really like to relate fate with it.
Back in school, friendships came as of right, they came naturally, you and your friends will form your own cliques and hang around at the various spots in school spending time eating, gossiping (casual gossips), laughing at one another's weird behaviour like farting or burping, hanging out at someone's place to watch some movies, studying together, in fact almost anything under the sun that's doable, you guys will just do it, in packs.
...Part II will be back soon...
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