Hi everyone,

here's wishing you all a merry christmas in advance and well I'll be taking a break (once again) from this space till mid-jan when my exams are over. Have a good holiday.

cheers
livvy

Networking - a really good tool

I was just chatting with a friend of mine the other day and we were just talking about the number of job opportunities one can get with his/her 2:1 or 1:1 and somehow we digressed and chat abit more about networking, tool or dirty act?

I think at a certain point of our life, we all feel networking is some kind of underhanded, despicable, morally wrong thing to do, I know I did but not anymore. Stop whining there like a baby crying out loud the words "it's unfair" incessantly, life's never fair, too bad cry baby. Everything you do involves people, knowing how to network (i.e. who to approach to ask for help or even get things done your way) is what makes the world go round. Networking, aka the ability to pull strings is quite actually a privilege, you sometimes gain such privilege or priority in life from the relationships your family members formed with others, you sometimes gain such privilege from the relationships you yourself established with others and technically, there's some effort involved, its just a matter of direct (your own connections) or indirect (through your family members), nothing to go hopping around like a mad rabbit. Life's a bitch but I love living it.

Theme of the month - Plastics

A not so shocking discovery, PLASTICS ARE EVERYWHERE and by that I don't mean our good ol' Ah lians or Ah hueys who are somehow by far better than the average plastics because, they simply don't pretend, they ask you the damn question of "Kua simi Kua" (literal translation: What are you looking at? It can also mean "What's your problem")

You see alot of Singaporeans I know of, including my friends, think ah lians and plastics mean the same thing but behold! THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Plastics are people, typically girls, who goes around trying to be everybody's best friend (when they are not) and they are also the most odious bunch of people who are not only two-faced (somebody please hand them the oscar award man) but also damn good at backstabbing, they might well too be the one causing all the gossip uproar in your little community of friends. Right, as I was saying, the two are not the same, you see ah lians and ah hueys (we call the young one juvenile delinquents but the old ones gangsters' girlfriends) sometimes do have better personality than the PLASTICS because there is no need for them to pretend to be what or even who they are not, they can even trash things out with you should you offend them and well simply don't have the time to play the game of "who is Miss Popularity" or even the time to go around backstabbing you.

Plastics are the conniving ones, they scheme and plot against you, oust you out of their community or even your community, when you offend them. Sophiscated wackos? Well maybe so, but they probably spent half their time plotting and the other half executing the plans that the plans they had come up with had to work? Sometimes I really pity the plastics, they can be all shiny and attractive, but do they own a soul? Probably not, they might have given their soul away when they swore to their sisterhood of plastic-ship that they will be plastics till the very end and nobody can rip the plastics apart because they were never ever together. Ask me if I envy their popularity, absolutely not, why would I wanna envy people who firstly, don't have a soul, secondly, feels lonely and empty inside out and ever so insecure about themselves that they have to make others look bad in order to soothe their ego and thirdly, people who don't have any real friends around? Would I rather have a plastic as my friend, well absolutely not, who needs plastics when you can have mattel's barbie and ken?

Haha I am going nuts...

Ever wonder why people simply enjoys putting you down?
Ever wonder why people don't tell the truth about how they feel?
Ever wonder people likes to play the game of deceit?
Ever wonder why people spread insidious rumours?
Ever wonder why people create conflicts between people?
Ever wonder why you stop trusting people?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you lost an emotional bet?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you lose friends because of misunderstandings or rumours, which you don't even get to defend yourself?
Ever wonder what are you ever gonna do if you lose the courage to stand tall and continue fighting for what you believe in?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you stop believing in what you used to believe?
Ever wonder what the hell is going to happen to you emotionally and physically when all you've held dear to your heart's all shattered?

on a break for a week.....

"There are days when I feel the best of me is ready to begin
And they're days when I feel i'm letting go and soaring on the wind
Cause i've learned in laughter or in pain how to survive" - Jaci Velasque, On my Knees

This is what I truly feel right now. I am all ready to stop crying, pick myself up and move on. Really, I am willing to put all that has happened behind me and just move on. It doesn't matter who once did me wrong, who once betrayed my trust, who once manipulated me, who once duped me, they are all over and I am glad I am still me, still here as me and even though there are days when I've broke down and cried because I couldn't take it anymore but those are just moments when I felt vulnerable and miserable but there's more to life and living. I don't just want to survive, I want to live, I crave to rise above all difficulties and I will keep on fighting and when you feel someday you have nothing to hold on to, just remember you have yourself to take care and account to, and for that I'll keep on fighting.

Today was a really cold and foggy day, it is one of those days which you would just like to stay in or hop on a bus to thaw yourself since its so freaking cold and I absolutely hate the idea of walking around when its so cold and guess what, there are still beggars on the street asking for spare change (that is a nicer way to beg for money I guess).

Sometimes I wonder, if the beggars on the street are sad and/or hungry everyday? To be snubbed away repeatedly many times a day is definitely a horrible feeling, especially when it is so cold out there now. Makes me wonder, if someone out there cries for help, what are the chances of them being heard and assisted? I feel really sad for these people sometimes but sometimes the reasons why I refuse to help them is because they are using these monies for drugs and other vices like drinking, smoking etc, makes me wonder again, if it is really worth empathying them. Life is such, full of contradictions.

“Some backstab each other and threaten to settle their differences with a punch”
- Thomas Boswell

For those deceitful creatures doing the above-mentioned or even people who resort to violence to resolve your issues with others, do yourselves a big favour, pull up your socks and get those stupid ideas out of your head. I really hate to say this but it has always been my favourite quote, I got it off somewhere but I just cannot remember where, here goes:

"May God be with you, because he is the only one who will be there for you at the very end"

For all the lies you've told, for all the violences you've committed against others, for all the underhanded means you've gone through just to get things done your way, you are nothing but a low class creature which I don't even have any idea why I am blogging about you this low class creature who cannot seem to see beyond that puny little world of yours, I mean seriously why should I care? But seriously, if you made the mistake and you realised it, sometimes all we need from you people is just an apology, not that we are going to be all chummy again but it is to give this entire saga thing a closure. Sometimes all we need from people is acknowledgement of fault and we may well forgive that person, I know I will but obviously, like I said I will forgive you and bear no grudges but somehow we will not be as chummy as before.

The only mistake I've made this year is to tell 2 freshmen about what happened between somebody else and myself, gee what was I thinking right? Well I guess when you are being slimed all the time, and you hear them from various sources, from different people who are not closely connected to one another, you just find the need to protect yourself and sometimes you would rather tell people about what happened first, then later when the other side of the story has been told and well sometimes you don't even get to present your side of the story.

And if you would have the brains to figure things out, yes those 2 betrayed me, how would I know that? Because I only told them and it has to be them who leaked out the information, trust me I know who I tell my stuff to and also because of some things that happened which kind of pointed out to me indirectly that I was telling them stuff. You know what, I admit I have myself gossiped about the other person but I did not say anything that was not true or put words into that person's mouth and that is all I have done. I am not hurt because of some unpleasant things that happened yesterday but I am unhappy and hurt because what I was deducing actually was true and I genuinely liked these people before until everything came out, it is hurtful, I was even having doubts as to my judgment and was thinking maybe things are not the way I've imagined them to be but sadly they are, never mind, this taught me something, do not be too eager to protect yourself, let the truth speaks for itself, I've made a mistake and I have to live with it and bear it in mind and just move on. In any case, don't worry about me, I'm happy. I'm a happy girl!

I am not trying to be different, I am different, I just am.

Alot of times, people think of me as the girl who is always trying new stuff, accepting challenges, doing all sorts of things to stand out from the crowd, they all think I am trying to be different, unique in other words. Sometimes they wonder, why can't I just be like everyone else, why can't I just be like them, but I am not them, not now, not ever, will never be like them.

I sail away from the safe harbour not to prove anything or even my self-worth, my existence is the best proof of my self-worth, I sail away from the safe harbour far too many times because I want to see what exactly lies beyond these safety limits, I want to experience life the best way I can, I want to push myself to the limit and that is life for me, sure I demand alot from my life but who doesn't? People who lack the guts to explore and test their own mettle deserves no praise, neither do they have the right to criticise and put down those who dare to dream and live a life with no regrets.

Sure, your life can be far more glamourous than mine because you've taken the well travelled path but can you derive as much satisfaction as I can? Far too many times have we seen successful people leading a empty, hollow life with zero satisfaction let alone a life filled with energy, spirit and happiness. There is one certain pleasure in life that most can't enjoy, that's the pleasure to own the freedom to be different. I don't try to be different, I just am different.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less
traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

The Bee

I was watching a film in my room the other day when I heard this annoying buzzing sound which later on progressed to some repetitive soft knocks on my window and guess what I found? A bee and what was that bee trying to do? Getting out of my room.

The bee was flying to and fro, back and forth but it couldn't get out, it was perpetually knocking itself against my window when the exit was just about 2 inches beneath it, it was in fact, flying madly and furiously towards the same invisible spot marked on the window repetitively, looking fervently for the exit but never finding it, it was really the so near yet so far kind of situation. In its state of anxiety, it was unable to see the exit had it stop where it landed after its fall (which was a result of knocking itself against the window). One headless 'chicken' except it is not exactly a chicken *duhz*

The bee reminded me of people, moving around frantically 24/7, keeping themselves busy, clouding their minds, refusing to sit down, stop, ponder and wonder, take a breather and look around before doing anything else, which I suspect is one of the reason why they are often so confused, trapped and frustrated. I think humans sometimes are like computers which are either infected with virus or are suffering from some troubleshooting errors, the way to fix your computer is to sit down, calm down, take a breather, make sure you are ready before touching the computer, only when you calmed down will you be able to go through the proper step by step procedures to fix it patiently, or alternatively you can try to fix the computer in a state of panic and end result is probably you wacking the computer and surely we won't want that eh?

So people, take a break every now and then, relax a little (not too much) and see where you are heading to before moving on eh?

People always ask me the following:-

"Livvy, why do you always have to post everything you feel or rather your opinions of whatever that happens on your blog? Why would you want people to know what you think and are you not afraid that people might see right through you when you post your thoughts all on your blog?"

I thank you lot for asking these series of questions and I would like to ensure you all that I am not opening myself up for scrutiny, neither am I allowing people to understand me as a person, as who I am by voicing out my opinions on certain issues. It is fallacious to assume that one can understand what I am like just by reading my blog, no you won't be able to figure me out just by reading my blog. Because this is my blog, I control the contents of what I would allow others to read and see, you will only see a certain side of me and perhaps just my thoughts on particular incidents but definitely not understand me.

If I would already have difficulty understanding and figuring myself out sometimes, what makes you think you can really understand me just by reading my blog. This is no crash course on what Livia is like, sorry, wrong place to start. In fact there is not actually a way to understand people completely, you may be able to predict what one will do based on similar events of the past however please note that people change as time goes by so this may not be true, in any case, please kindly bear in mind of the fact that people can project whatever impression they want you to project them as sometimes.

Those who assumes they know somebody or know what somebody will do just by their perceptions or understanding up to a certain point of what they are like are those who will never accomplish much in life, it sometimes takes a lifetime to understand 3/4 of what a person is like, so this is a big mistake, real big one, and its costly to make them so refrain from making them.

So that boys can gain more weight?

Trust is defined as

"Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing"

It is probably the most important element in every relationship, betweeen parents and children, between friends, between boyfriends and girlfriends, between doctors and patients and the list goes on. And what does it take for one human being to trust another? I don't know if it is just me or everybody, but as we grow older, we find it more and more tough to trust someone, we are all, in fact turning paranoid and sometimes we doubt people's intentions when they seemed overly friendly or overly appreciative and due to some historical issues you have with someone (i.e. betrayal) you learn to trust the person alot lesser or sometimes not at all and this makes maintaining human relationships with one another much more difficult in this modern context.

Sure, it is alright to be selfish and yes let's be perfectly honest with each other, we are all selfish individuals and we all want the best for ourselves but does this mean it is alright to turn on someone, betray someone's trust in you just because it is advantageous for you to do so, to others detriment but to your advantage? I am not trying to sound noble or righteous because hell no, I am nothing like that but between people, there should be some irreducible minimum standards we should adhere to like, not breaking the trust. Sure it is just the tricks of surviving, surely you have to take care of yourself first before caring for the others, surely it is your friends or whoever's fault for confiding in you, who asked them to be so stupid?

Have you ever thought about being a credible and trustworthy individual? Have you ever thought about your reputation as a person and not just that but what kind of damage you are doing to those who trust you? Human relationships these days are like trust, breakable, fragile, sometimes you don't even know who are your friends or rather who can you call your friends, sometimes you feel like you are on a constant battle with everyone around you, constantly watching your back, you withhold frank comments, you withhold all personal information for fear of betrayal. Human tends to make things all so complicated and they just make life alot harder to live sometimes. I guess my Dad's right with his 'trust no one' philosophy, sometimes I really want to believe there are some good in people, some values in people that can make the world a better place but I am just being plain naive. Naivety brings me nothing but trouble but I blame no one for my own naivety, I have only myself to blame. Don't feel sorry for me, this is not an entry to make you guys feel sorry for me, it is just to raise your awareness about trust issues between people, if you are smart enough, you will learn something out of this. Don't write to me and ask me what happened or you are sorry to hear that because I am really not sorry that I made this mistake for if I never make mistakes I never know how to make things right.

Being Single

I'm 21 and I am single. I'm not on the prowl and believe it or not, I am happy being single, really just trust me. Recently, people around me have been posing the big 'why' question as to my status of being either single or attached and as if this is not embarassing enough, my so called chummy friends fixed me up with their supposedly good catches, oh come on people, give me some credit, surely I don't need all these unwarranted attention, shower your attention to your other half, I mean really, give me a break, my parents are not even worried about me being single and why should you? *duhz*

Sure, people at my age would already have met their special half and even the 'most disgusting ones' are attached according to my wonderful friend, Sebastian. (I'm giving you all the credit Sebas!) So what? This means I should quickly grab some random guy or in fact any guy friends of mine and seal their fate? Hell no, sorry as much as you think I should, I rather leave everything to fate, chance and opportunity.

Being single's definitely not a crime and I am enjoying every bits of freedom it entails and everything about being single right now, at this point in time, there is really nothing but all good fun! Someone told me we are all on the search for this mysterious object known as love but are we all really searching for love? There may actually exists two main categories of people, those who are on the prowl, thus constantly on the search for love or those who are not on the search for love but will not reject it if it comes along, so which category do you belong to then? For me, I believe I fall very much within the latter category.

Loneliness, age is catching up on you etc etc are simply not reasons to hook up with someone. Come on, have a little pity on the person you are flirting with, don't hurt people and waste his/her time and most importantly your time, surely you have better things to do! And if the right one's not here yet, it means you'll have to wait and hold out there alittle longer, besides all good things are worth the wait. A relationship, in my own opinion (of course you are entitled to your own so long as you don't impose yours on me) is pretty much an investment of your care and concern, patience and emotions, if you are not ready for it, you shouldn't get yourself committed because end of the day, you might just hurt yourself or others and feel get all guilt-ridden for hurting someone who is truly a gem.

Relationships these days have become so commercialised in the sense you actually have fixed a list of expectations and le désir, you meet A and you start checking against your list if he/she is of marriage material, are you both from the same social status, are you guys compatible generally on the whole and if most of the answers are positive, I'll consider and give A a chance. You see what happen to those fairy tales love stories like Cinderella and Snow White & seven dwarfs, do we even heed the implied advice given by Snow White when she sings her "Some day my prince will come, Some day my prince will come ...." no, we don't! WE tend to check our status of being single or attached against the social timeline when one should be getting ready to commit him/herself to someone, we escalate friendships and transform them to relationships thus killing every magic touch to the word 'romance'

Hey you know what, love is not a commodity, you don't get it off shelf the supermarkets after selection and comparison as to which is healthier for you, low carb etc etc, just let nature takes its own course and relax, if you are destined to be a damn bacherlor or spinster, you will be one even if you are attached now at the end of the day! So screw the social perceptions as to when you should find someone to be faithful to and really compel everyone else to see the world and how things work for you in your eyes.

ok I've digressed a little, getting back to my point, I'm perfectly normal and am not a gay, I'm single and I'm loving it so please leave me alone and don't ask me or your friends who have been single for awhile, as unfortunate as you think we are, we are actually enjoying ourselves and the reason why we might be single is perhaps because the right one is not here yet and we are still waiting for him/her to sweep us off our feet and perhaps only then we'll be willing to shack up and walk in sunsets with Mr/Ms the one for me.

Part II

Then came work, (most of us might have worked either part time or temporary during the holidays to earn some extra pocket money) you meet people who are also known as your colleagues at work and inevitably, through sheer proximity, the immense common source of pressure you guys faced complemented with the daily 8 hours or more made these people your friends for the moment till you quit. But of course, not everyone makes friends for the moment, some manage to maintain the friendships even after leaving the work place. Which sets me thinking, what is it that make someone your friend/s?

Moments spent together are perhaps one of the requirements on your 'checklist', for Isabel and me, it was the years we've spent debating and discussing issues pertaining to our lives and our direction for the future, the things we both like to do, the times we've spent laughing ourselves silly and crying ourselves silly all these and so much more, we are much more fortunate than the others because we have found each other and somehow she's my soulmate, we are also much more fortunate because of all the amazing times we've spent going on and on about things we've talked about endlessly without getting bored of one another. It's perhaps the 'X' factor that kept us together, chemistry that is. But are these all?

Let's backtrack a little and reminisce. When we are young, we are all on a clean slate, we are generally more open to making friends with anyone and I mean anyone or even anything, a barbie, a toy car, a pet dog or fish can too be your friends. There is simply no friends-to-be checklist nor is there any expectations set to call someone your friends. But as you grow older, you start developing a certain form of attitude towards life, start pontificating abit more about life, your experiences start shaping you and with each passing year, we become more focused on our interests, ideologies and thus form our own school of thoughts, anyone who don't share your ideas and philosophies of life just don't 'click' with you and you are certainly not interested to know more about what people who are different think, you understand your needs in a friend and start zooming in for friends who share the same interests, same beat pounding on political issues and in short people who are like you. Sometimes because you make friends based on interests like the sports you fancy and the cars you fancy, you tend to get disconnected with these friends after awhile because these people are replaceable, why? Common interests such as kind of sports one play, the passion for cars and hobbies like shopping and dining are commonalities which are not unique and hence people are dispensable once again, there is really nothing to hold the friendship. Sometimes such friendships die after awhile because they got too boring and you need something refreshing, so 'bye bye old friend, here comes a new blood'. And perhaps this is one of the reason why it becomes harder to find new friends and build friendships on an intense level because we have all continued on to our own individual paths and set a certain expectations for our friends-to-be, with the 'those who don't meet the requirements need not apply' kind of attitude, is it really possible to build friendships on an intense level?

People who have known each other for a long time share an amazingly rich history are likely to stay as friends because of the thick context given to the friendship built over the years and it is simply difficult for new friends to jump in to such situations because they cannot understand the 'recycled' jokes that are forever funny, the idiosyncracies, the quirky ways which are deemed funny and not weird because they have not been there then and somehow its never easy to make this new friend see the full picture for he/she has been missing in action through the years the old friends spent, and sometimes people get lazy and they just don't want to repeat their stories like some mindless broken record player that goes on and on and this is also perhaps one of the reason why people like you and me find it hard to make new friends.

Effort is another factor which is not too difficult to understand, it is easy to be friends with anybody when you see them every now and then, be it in school or at work so on and so forth, but it is never easy to remain as friends once you leave school or the same firm. Effort is also a vital ingredient in keeping friends around you close to your and their hearts, you may miss out on the thick context of friendship based on rich history part and find it hard to befriend such new friends but with a little more effort to start building your new history and initiatives to understand a person, you may just find your new great friend. Everything starts out somewhere. I do not think people can be friends and stay friends without making any efforts to keep it alive and going. Quite honestly, very minimal efforts are required to make friends when you are in school or in the same department as someone, like i've said earlier on, it is inevitable your co-workers transform to your friends due to the sheer proximity and time spent everyday together, likewise same theory apply for school, these are perhaps your convenient friends.

What I've blogged today might sound a little depressing but look at it this way, this is the harsh reality of life, try viewing this as the great Tapestry of Life which is made up of many single thread that gets woven among and around other threads and somehow one way or another gets cut. Signing off on a brighter note, there are always exceptions, sometimes a thread is woven in the tapestry till the very end of it's used up. :)

Friends - Part I
I think one really needs to talk to someone to start disliking them or if one can afford the time one should understand someone before he/she dislikes someone. I think accounts from another person's or in fact rumours and gossips about someone's half the time never true, of course the old saying "There's no smoke without fire" is somewhat profound and sound but don't forget malice is everywhere and people who practice malice are found almost everywhere. Best bet is to really have a chat with someone and feel the vibes see how he or she is like before passing off judgmental remarks like "He/She is a bad person because A told me so or I heard something like that about him/her"

Had it not been the chance both my best friend and I took, to chat with one another and see how one another is like, we would have missed one another in school and never be where we are today, our relationship wouldn't have progressed till today. I think like most others, we have all been victims of malicious gossips and too many times we have both heard bad things about one another and don't ask me how and when we just started giving one another dirty looks as we passed one another until one fine day we were both placed in the best class in the school. Well I remembered vividly how we've met and became friends, it was during one of the PE lessons (PE = physical exercise) and there was then 3 of us, we decided to skip that tortuous lesson and to avoid attending make-up PE lessons from the then PE instructor we had to hide ourselves in the toilet and we stayed there chatting for one entire hour. That was how our friendship began and I'm glad we've met.

I think in a way, my life is alot better since I met her and another friend of ours, I never had any faith in friendships, never had anyone to confide in, never had someone whom I can trust and having betrayed one too many times, I just got sick of the idea of friendship. To me friendship was then just another word that's devoid of its meaning and I just am afraid of having friends, no matter how sincere I am to others, no one really appreciates me. I'm not saying Isabel's some kind of superwoman who changed my life dramatically or whatsoever with a flash of lightning bolt, but she's been an amazing friend, with time on our side, she showed me how I can place my trust in her, how I can confide in her my silliest moments without her being judgmental, how I can rely on her in moments when I'm troubled or when I'm in need and so on and so forth.

It's been a swank-ilicious (That's my equivalent for superlicious) whooping 6 years coming 7 years and we are still the best of friends! I think we have worked our asses off to really keep the friendship going, there's really no magic formula as to how we kept the friendship alive and still going but just loads of love, respect, trust and honesty. (I pray and I pray may we grow old to be funky old ladies together, who will go around wrecking havoc in town wearing those big weird hats scaring the bejesus out of everyone and get away with all that crap cos we are cute little old ladies, too hot for the authorities to handle, I pray and I pray very very hard!)

I don't know if it's just me or everyone, but I do feel that the older I get, the more I value friends and this concept of friendship. Indeed, what makes you form a friendship with someone and what don't is the mind-bogging thing which somehow I can never quite figure. A lot of my friends say its the 'click' factor, it really depends if you can click with someone and also fate for people who are equally as superstitious as me who believes in chances, luck and fate. ok I don't attribute everything to fate and chance but for human relations I really like to relate fate with it.

Back in school, friendships came as of right, they came naturally, you and your friends will form your own cliques and hang around at the various spots in school spending time eating, gossiping (casual gossips), laughing at one another's weird behaviour like farting or burping, hanging out at someone's place to watch some movies, studying together, in fact almost anything under the sun that's doable, you guys will just do it, in packs.

...Part II will be back soon...

dear all,

pardon me for my long absence, I've been caught up with some stuff lately and haven't really had the time to post, please check this space after this weekend.

Thanks.

Sometimes growing up can be quite a pain. You tend to lose quite a fair bit of things in the process of growing up. Yourself, your friends, your faith and trust in people, contentments of life are just a few of the things you lose along the way. Somehow like that is not enough, life somehow always gets a little too complicated, you begin to feel insecure and wonder what you will become or rather who you will become in 3 or 5 years time, you start wondering where you'll stand on the social ladder ten years down the road, you worry unnecessarily.
 
You start realizing what an ugly world you are living in, you find people whom you once called your friends turned against you, you find friendship is but a word like trust, both of which are devoid of meaning and all emotions, you start understanding how selfish people are, you start seeing the nasty side of life. Welcome to the dark side.
 
You find great difficulty making more new friends as you grow older each year, you find it difficult to build that connection, you even find great difficulty keeping your friends. Friends whom you have kept so close to turned out to be the ones who have gone on a rampage to backstab you furiously, friends whom you have lost touch with make a reappearance in your life and you realised these are actually your real friends, the real ones who really matter. (I will do another posting on this in the next few days)
 
You get your heart broken by some flirts who are playing the field or even worse you find no one decent to date, you find yourself single and very available but there's no one there for you, no one at the receiving end. Sure bachelors and bachelorettes are now trendy, who needs a partner when you are young, hot and have tons of friends who will hang out with you at pubs and clubs? Haha, reality then begin to set in, your friends are all getting attached, one by one and before you know it, you are the last one left. You are then left with no companionship other than your mug on your desk and you wonder why, why is this happening to you when you are actually attractive or appealing in terms of looks and/or personality.
 
You look at your certificates and medals on the walls and shelves and you feel no satisfaction, you find yourself feeling hollow and empty inside out. You start looking for a job and realised you are either underqualified or overqualified and you are not getting the plush job you were once promised if you get your first class or second upper class degrees, you start wondering why in the world did you worked your ass off back in school to get a job that's not paying you well or a position which you are dispensable, the company will not crush or crumbled without you. You felt you are no longer important. Or you finally gotten the job and pay you wanted, 2 years down the road you are retrenched because you are overpaid with your experience and standing in the company, in other words, your job has been replaced by some fresh graduates who can too perform your functions at a cheaper rate, once again welcome to the club of dispensables, where old things never go, new ones never come, everyone is dispensable.
 
Sometimes I wonder why life has become so complicated and confusing, sometimes I wonder if I'll ever feel bitter at how complicated life has become, sometimes I just wish I can revert back to the days where Barbie dolls are the coolest toys on earth, where sharing a packet of sweets with the person beside me will make her my friend and we'll have loads of fun together.
 
But would you rather live in such simple, naive and uncomplicated life or would you rather gather what you learn everyday into the ever growing encyclopedia of ways of dealing with life and people? Would this simplicity guarantee happiness? Would this life free from complications be a fulfilling, enriching one which I will reminisce over and over and over and again and again? Would there actually be any memories or things which I can reminisce about? Maybe not, because missing out the huge part of growing up, that huge part of dealing with complications with life (no matter how traumatic and tough it may be), that part of life which I will learn alot of things, gain a lot of knowledge and so on and so forth, will give me nothing to recollect about! Nothing! So being the sick psycho if you would so desire to call me, I will actually miss the bumpy ride I'm currently on, I will actually miss everything I have learnt and sought after, I will even miss my mistakes, no matter how painful some has inflicted.
 
You might have wished for the hands of clock to turn back at times so that you can erase those painful memories, those moments when you have felt utterly disappointed with people and life, moments when you felt lost and confused and so on. But did you know, these moments are whatever that shaped and made you who you are today? Somehow life's a mixed bag of issues, most of which are complicated and frustrating, somehow everyone who's reading this knows somehow we'll all make it, we'll all be able to pontificate upon life and share the experiences and bumpy rides we have had been on with our children, nieces, nephews so on and so forth and as we do that an euphoria of mixed emotions will emanate and we'll know our life has been well lived. Life is sometimes but a wealth of knowledge and mixed bag of emotions eh?

Chain letters
 
This is one reason why I admire this guy so much. This is what he wrote
 
"Friends and acquaintances alike,Hope you people are having a good day.I'm just thinking out loud here, so forgive the irrelevant ramblings. Recently, I noticed a trend in the bulletins and that is, the number of chain-letters (or chain-bulletins) has increased. One of these is some Latin mumbo-jumbo prayer that supposedly bestows death if it does not get circulated. Day after day, someone posts a bulletin with the same subject: "he died", until this seems to be the predominant topic. It is a little amusing though, I must admit and the hilarity is that the so-called curse might be something out of a Harry Potter movie/book (correct me if I'm wrong).My concern is not so much the posting of chain letters but more so the motivation behind such posts. These letters have been designed to scare and by the looks of it, they have succeeded in instilling fear amongst us.I am not going to demand that these chain letters stop being posted since it is not in my capacity to do so (i.e. there should always be freedom of expression), and I am aware that anything is possible (so why take the chance of not sending it out, right?). However, I do think it's worth considering this: In our lifetimes, we would come across many things that scare us. Sometimes the threat is real and sometimes it is perceived. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I am exempt of fear. There are times when I too feel the very fear that strikes at the depths of your heart.But whatever the threat, I put forth that if you have faith and believe that ultimately good triumphs over evil, then there is really nothing to fear. Going by the number of chain-mails I failed to send out, I'm probably supposed to have been killed more than ten times over (either that, or I should have turned into a rubber-necked chicken). But alas, it was not meant to be.Personally, the two main reasons why I do not circulate chain-letters are: (i) I don't believe in them; and(ii) The curse has to end somewhere. If people keep sending them out, they're only going to be keeping the "curse" alive, and worse still, they are "cursing" their friends...at least send them to your enemies for crying out loud (kidding).That being said, if at any time, out of fear, you feel that you absolutely must post a chain-letter you can forward it to me via email/msn/friendster/etc. and I would do a raindance and dispel whatever curse there is. Perhaps, I'm lucky to still be alive, some may think. I guess, it's because I merely refuse to die...not yet anyway...haha.The other kinds of bulletins which I find more annoying are the ones that are in poor taste. These are worse than the chain-mails since in this case, the sender seems to take a delight/pleasure in the subject matter. In the news, we hear about how terrorists have been going aroud beheading people. I think it's absolutely tasteless to post a bulletin circulating videos of the actual beheading of victims. Violence in movies is one thing. Brutality in reality is another. Then again, this is my opinion and to each his own. Of course, if the face of the person on the video is someone you know, would you be able to sleep at night?I think I'll end here before I step on too many toes. In any case, thank you for your time and have an eventful day.
 
Best Regards
xx"
 
Gosh don't you just love him? Ok I'm in awe and am very charmed! HAHA The name has been changed to xx to protect the innocent! HAHA

Someone wrote me an email asking me if it is actually ok if she paraphrased some works of mine and post it up her blog.

Guess what was my reply? I said "Sure, go ahead. So long as you don't paraphrase the entire article and you add in new issues or include your own personal experiences now and then, I'm perfectly fine with that."

My friends said I must be nuts to allow someone infringe my copyrights but no, I don't think so. So long as she don't paraphrased the entire article and she introduce new perspectives of hers and/or her own experiences which she can relate to what I have came up with, that is perfectly fine, there is certainly no infringement of my rights. Words unlike designs are not exactly some intellectual property which you can protect but stories are. However if someone were to paraphrase some portions of my work and relate them to their own experiences, that's not copying!

A lot of writers out there don't come up with original stories or phrases or even the sentence structures themselves. Some writers research for materials and used those materials as their resources for their writing bacon bits, some writers write their fiction and/or non fiction stories based on their experiences and sometimes they based it on what they have read and so on and so forth. If I were to read a book about self-enrichment today and extract certain underlying issues or principles and incorporate them into my writings, that's not copying either, and sometimes I can take it further one step by interpreting it my own way and explain it to people, is that copying too?

I think it is perfectly ok to base your writing bacon bits on what others write sometimes but use them as a guide not copy wholesale, give some thoughts to what people write and learn from them, that's how I improve, I read newspapers columnists' articles, story books and so on and so forth. I use them as a guide as to how to improve my style, how a morale lesson learnt from someone's experience can too be my resource for my writings. Sometimes we need to learn from others in order to improve...

I think the hardest part about making mistakes is that part about forgetting the shame, the guilt, the regrets, learning from your mistakes and finally moving on.

Half the time I remember the shame, the guilt, the regrets but quite often I left that part about remembering and learning from my past mistakes. Sometimes confronting with one's past can be both challenging and arduous but it is something I need to do every now and then so that I'll be reminded of the pain, hurt and sometimes anger I caused to others or felt because of my mistakes.

"Sure, everyone makes mistakes but that is perfectly alright so long as you learn from your mistakes."

Gee I wonder who said that, you know the thing about life is, it is not a testing or sounding board where you get a solution via the trial and error method. There are always consequences when you make a mistake and half the time your mistakes affect others around you and sometimes causes hurt and anger.

Ok so now what? Can we actually prevent making mistakes? I think yes, not always but sometimes yes, learn from others' mistakes and listen to what your elders have to offer and stop, really just stop thinking all about yourself, the world revolves around everyone, everyday, it is not just about you. I think half the mistakes I've made in my life are all due to my self-centeredness, sometimes we need to be considerate to others, which is why I think we should stop thinking all about ourselves, not stop thinking for ourselves neither is it stop thinking about ourselves, do you get it?

Sometimes not everyone gets to further their studies or gets the chance to even study, Miriam was one such unfortunate soul. She never had the opportunity to complete primary school and like all others, she started applying for jobs and found one as a waitress at a 6 star hotel’s restaurant.

It was a tuesday and she was taking down the customers' orders and on that day she served this family of 8, all are well-dressed and supposedly well educated and repeated their orders:

"Dear Sir and Mdm, so I repeat your order, you would like to have .........and an ice cleam..." Before she even finished her last sentence which was "Is that right?" the entire family started laughing and rolling their eyeballs and finally one said this "Excuse me, but you can't even pronounce ice cream? Or do you not know the word is spelt as CREAM and not CLEAM?" A second round of laughter accompanied that sentence.

Miriam blushed for awhile and then replied the following:

"Sirs and Madams, I never had the privilege to complete my primary education but that is ok, I have no one else to blame. But I think if you are that educated, you should correct my pronounciation and not make me your jester. If this is what education has to offer then I am glad I had none. Now ice CREAM it is." and she walked off

When we talk about educated folks, be it the yuppies or the Chinese educated generation people, what comes to our minds are those people who are well-bred, know all the etiquettes and dos and don’ts and basically are the polite ones. Ok maybe not all are that polite but generally there are quite a handful who are polite and wouldn’t do senseless stuff like laughing at others’ inadequacies i.e. what the family of 8 did to Miriam.

I think being smart the way you are is not a right but a gift and this gift does not entitle you to laugh at others inadequacies. Sure this may be some joke or something that’s just fun to you, but give it some thoughts and think about the damages you can inflict when you laugh at someone’s faults or weaknesses. Nobody wants to be stupid or vacuous, everybody would like to be talented, intelligentsias etc. Greatness comes from the willingness to help and teach those who are not as educated as you are, those who care not as well-read as you are, and intelligence is exhibited when you teach.

A boy I know of, Carlos is one such great guy who looks good on the outside and inside, well-versed in many languages and well-exposed to the world, this guy does not put on airs when it comes to meeting people and making friends, he don’t laugh at others inadequacies neither is he selfish when it comes to sharing his life experiences and correcting others’ mistakes. And for that I do think he lives a really rich life, it is all these little things that sometimes matter.

Another boy I know of, Sebas is another one such paragon of greatness, like Carlos, he is well-read and well-traveled oh did I mention this guy is rich too? Yeap a rich boy who knows nothing about putting on airs when it comes to meeting people who are less well-off and ignorant. Instead of making fun of these people, he teaches them. He once told me this “I think we are all smart for a reason, I may sound ridiculous but what if we are made the way we are so that we can help people?”

And I kinda think he’s right. I do think people who are better equipped with knowledge should help those who are not, its just like how the rich (if they have conscience) should help the unfortunate but then again you don’t have to be rich to help the unfortunate, you can just contribute a little of whatever you can to help the unfortunate. Ah well I may not sound convincing, you must be thinking why we should help others or teach others, what do we get in return but damn it people, sometimes we don’t have to do something to benefit ourselves and in any case I think laughing at someone’s inadequacies may well just be a shield, to prevent others from seeing your weaknesses, you amplify on others weaknesses but I would like to question your integrity as a person and quite honestly, I don’t see beauty from within but just pure ugliness behind that face of yours which might look angelic, decent or what have you.

I was busy snapping pictures at KL airport the other day when this cleaner lady came up to me and asked me the following:

"Eh there! Snap there lah girl! There's nothing over here! What is there to see? Crazy girl..." I responded with a shy smile and chuckled a bit, may she's right, I might just be a little crazy..*winks*

This was what I snapped




If you guys were to click on the picture, you'll see something's in the picture, something besides the tiling and decoration that's worth snapping...You see the deal is you'll always see something if you choose to.

The cleaner lady, with no offence, is just one of the many others who only notice what they want to and what they think are important and sometimes spot the differences only when it concerns them or when they get a prize for looking.

People these days seemed to be so busy and preoccupied with their lives that nothing else matters these days except for work and big hoo-ha headline news of tragedies, they no longer appreciate and acknowledge the little things that happen in the environment. A walk or trip on a bus or train represents no more than a way of getting somewhere, an airport is nothing but just an airport with nothing interesting to snap at since it looks the same all the time and unless there's people in it, there is really no picture of the site which you cannot get from the magazines or websites.

It is often too easy to take everything for granted, to not see the little things that used to matter due to one's hectic schedule but if you were to really start paying attention to the little things around you and continue looking at your life this way, you can be sure your life's so much richer than the rest...

Money is not everything but nobody can ever survive without money. Notice the word used, it's survive not live. You don't need money to live a fulfilling life or even just your life, but you definitely need money to survive. You don't need to let money dictate your life and teach you how to live, sometimes you really need to make things work for you not the other way round.

Sometimes I think money gives one the best of both worlds but sometimes I think they don't, as much pleasure as it brings, along comes with bitterness and tragedies. Sometimes people are just not content.

I think the hardest thing for most is to be content and happy with what you own and possess today, everyone is trying so hard to get the things they desire most which is probably why they never get to really live a life but just to survive and yes eventually live a life but a bitter one, one filled with so much of unhappiness and one that is constantly after something relentlessly not knowing when is enough. Life's a constant battle but why make it one that's only after money and not how to live a life of your own? Satisfy your basic needs and wants, sure by all means but also learn how to be content. This way your life would be much more happier and blessed.

Hello women, god made us the way we are for a reason.

I think in today's modern society, women are trying too hard to succeed in a men's world but hello! Who said it must be a men's world? The world belongs to everybody, too long have we been trying to prove to our male bosses that we are as capable as the men, as efficient as the men and we deserve the equivalent treatment and pay like what our male counterparts are getting but my point is what for?

Men are sometimes unforgiving judgmental idiots who labels women as weak, disabled and incompetent before or without even giving them a chance to try it, come on men we deserve more credit than that, surely god created us for a reason other than soothing your ego. And my dear female counterparts, god made us the way we are for a reason, we don't have to try so hard to succeed in a men's world.

No doubt we have our differences in terms of physical built and strength, we still don't have to succeed in their world, do things their way to show we can and we have the potential to do so, we can do things our own way and achieve the same results and still be a winner who saves the day so what is this stupid damn thing about playing the game by men's rules, nobody can define how to play a corporate game or what have you and I mean nobody. So please don't belittle yourself and insult your fellow women folks by doing things men's way or try so hard to succeed in men's world.

P.S: Not all men thinks the same way as those mentioned above and there are always exceptions, there are some decent men who respect women and these men are just so adorable aye?Men who are offended by my post or guilty of the above i.e judgmental fools, get out!

For fame?

A boy I know asked me if I blog because I want to be famous. I was puzzled and troubled when he posed that question to me. I may have started a blog because I like to share my writing bits with friends or people who enjoy my style of writing, I may have continued blogging because I derives satisfaction knowing how my writing bits motivates some people and it actually entertains people. But for fame? That is just so off.

I cannot comprehend why he actually asked that since he is some sort of buddy and he should know what I am like, to blog for fame? How is that remotely possible? I mean yes, some people write because they want to be famous or for attention, but me? Well I may want recognition for my works but being recognised and being famous is two different things. I never dreamed about being famous or wanted to be famous, I just write because I like to and I like to share bits and pieces of the moments in my life with people because they may just entertain people and somehow I hope my writing bits motivates people and bring some optimism to people's lives, showing them how their lives can be too a better one by looking at it from a better and different angle but definitely not to be famous.

Forgive me if I sound pompous but quite honestly, I don't blog to be famous or for attention, believe it or not, I can't handle attention, too much attention sometimes make me uncomfortable and it makes everything seemed so contrived. Yes, some years later, I would love to write for a living that is when I accumulated enough wisdom to write and entertain people, yes sometime soon, I would love to publish a book about one man's courage and strength and that man is my Father, yes sometime soon I would love to do some freelance writing to earn some of my travelling expenses, anything else but not for fame.

I just realised he removed me from his friendster list of friends and I guess that means we are friends no more. Must be my cold turkey treatment, but can you blame me? Well I think not, that is just someone who ain't worthy of my friendship. I wouldn't want to put you all through the trouble of reading what happened, you guys just need to know I gave the cold turkey treatment, deleted his numbers from my mobile, deleted him from my icq and msn messenger and soon he got the message and deleted me from his friendster, possibly msn messenger and icq.

In a way, this depicts the cruel and harsh fact that friends do come and go and yes I mean DO. Someone whom you may be sharing a nice ice cream sundae at some cafe today may be your 'friend no more' tommorow. Sometimes people leave and they stay that way and you remain forgotten. I think the best way of dealing with such situations is to forget that person too, there is not really a point to get all upset and spend some time pondering and wondering what actually happened or what caused it. Sometimes no reasons are needed to end a friendship. There is really no cause for concern, if someone can just take you off their list of friends without finding out what exactly is going on.

What you can perhaps and want to do now is to treasure your friendship today, remember not to take the person for granted, treasure every moment you guys shared and make the best out of the period of time when you guys are still friends, this will prevent you from having any cause for regrets in future, no 'if only' or 'how I could have done things differently' kind of issues, just sweet memories packed in a box, opened occasionally to remember and relive those moments, to relive that experience. I do that sometimes to remember people who have once been my friend and what hell lots of fun we once shared when we were friends and that made my life so much simpler, no cause for complications and so many more reasons to be happier...

Food for thoughts?

I guess I worried a little too much the day before. I guess this is what happens when you compare and contrast, you lose sight of who you are and the many wonderful things you can do and accomplish. Somehow the grass is never greener just of different shades that's all, this is what I've come to understand. Someone once said that to me and I guess I brushed away that too quickly and forgotten all about it. It's a simple phrase really, but it speaks volume.

I guess comparing and contrasting are healthy once in awhile to pump the adrenalin, to get you going, to motivate you, but it's not everything. One should not let it consume him/herself completely, moderation is the key. So glad I've figured things out. Sometimes all I need is time to reflect and remember who I am and what I have done and what I can accomplish. Oh well we all get silly moments where our minds are clouded. :)

I have just seen the most wonderful place today and I would like to share it with all of you. Castles can be built in the air afterall. Imagine the impossible, create your own world and enjoy it. One day, just one day, I'll be there, experiencing the greatness of seeing this fantastic castle with my very own eyes. Chicken Soup for the Soul perhaps?

Schloss Neuschwanstein, Germany


Now all credits are given to the following website:
http://www.ringlord.com/people/walrus/neuschwanstein/#ImageGallery

A boy I know of is quitting Yale Law School, yeap you've got it right, it's Yale, one of the most prestigious and top leading law schools in the States. So what exactly is he going to do then? Volunteer work. Yes, this friend of mine is giving up his law degree for his passion, passion to help people, passion to make a difference in people's life, not just his, of course he will eventually feel the difference in his anyway.

His decision shocked his parents and close family friends, everyone thinks he is making the biggest mistake in his life, but is he? He's a very bright and intelligent boy who happens to not only ace all his papers but excels in whatever he's set out to do and his lecturers and peers all think he's insane or probably had too good a life to throw away anyway. He's making a very tough decision in his life and there is no one there to walk him through this supposedly rough patch he chose.

I admire him for staying true to his passions and dreams, how many of us can actually do that? Living your dreams and passions is a whole lot of hardwork and this is perhaps the reason why most people don't live up to theirs anyway. When the whole world is questioning your decisions, your judgement, your ideas and your sanity, you need tons of courage, faith and hope to pull everything off. I don't, in my opinion, think that he's wasting his life away, I think helping people, making people's day and making a difference to people's lives is what he really wants to do, that is his definition of a fulfilling life not some life which he spend endless hours behind that neat, sleek desk. Look at all those starlets or stars in Hollywood or Bollywood, some made it as superstars and some didn't but who is to say those who didn't failed in life? They have for once, truly lived and that is sufficient. Who is to say my friend here's going to waste his life and become the biggest joke and failure in this modern contemporary world? I don't really know what is failure anyway, in the truest sense, it doesn't mean you failed because you don't measure up to what society demands from you.

It's not easy sometimes to make such tough choices and a decision may not be wrong just because everyone else don't understand, you are not everyone else, you are you, master of your own fate and you decide what your life journey should be and if living your dreams and passions is what you set out to do, that is your fate. People have been telling him that his life could be alot better, but that's all beside the point isn't it? His life is already tres tres bien, grand in its own way. For what can be measured to the greatness of such kind acts that comes from the heart, for what can be compared to the smile you've brought to someone who's never probably had a home or family? I never seemed to understand people, they can sometimes find great difficulty dealing with people's success and on the other hand have a hard time handling people's loftiest ambitions, not to mention great great difficulty dealing with people who cannot quite make it up on the social level (ok sidenote). But to each his own, everyone has their own dreams and passions to live and ultimately the only question that really matter is "What if I don't try?" and not "What if I am making the biggest mistake in my life?"

You go guy! Go for it! Don't grow old with regrets!

I suppose I am a hard nut to crack when it comes to friendships these days, the only certainty about friendships is nothing's for certain. I felt terribly let down by the recent turn of events, all the backstabbing saucy stuff, it's not like I have high expectations of my friends or something but whenever someone betrays my trust I see that as a let down of their potential and failure on my part of judgment.

Of course, different categories of friends require different levels of expectations, but at the very basic level, all I expect from someone is sincerity. Sometimes I wished for a little more, which is a simple straightforward theory that goes "Hang around me if you feel comfortable, if not the door's always there for you" but these days who shows their likes and dislikes openly? As much as you hate to be involved in politics, you are just involved somehow one way or the other, you patronize people with the regular "Oh Hi! How have you been" (passionately) even when that someone annoys you. Let's not include the superficial friends known as acquaintances because quite frankly all of us patronize these group of people half the time, let's just narrow down the discussion to friends, people who have the potential of becoming your good friend.

I am but a straighforward person, if I dislike someone I'll just make it known to that person, either by declaring it or through showing it (sometimes it takes awhile to show though). If someone's worth my attention, I will probably go tell him/her what exactly's about him/her I dislike or annoys me, alternatively I'll walk away from this so called 'friend' eventually or though I am not too sure if this is the right thing to do. The very last thing I will do is to go around gossiping about this person whom I dislike, for what does that make me of a person anyway? Sometimes people don't realise I don't exactly need them around, I don't need all that hypocrisy, if you don't like me just go, why put up a false front and go around pretending you are my friend, you like me half the time? Why be aggressive and passive at the same time?
I don't need such company. There's nothing I can do to anyone if they choose not to be my friend, so what is it that these people cannot see anyway, it's not like they get a million dollars for sticking around with me anyway.

I would very much appreciate if someone were to come forward and tell me what exactly is so irritable about me rather than going around spreading rumours or gossips about me. These people are just total let downs, I shan't waste my night dwelling on this.

P.S: I wrote this partly because I need to channel my negative emotions somewhere and partly to send the message across to the people reading my blog, who I believe are mostly my friends, it's never too late to tell me or confess whatever you said about me, I will respect and be thankful for your honesty and I promise no hard feelings.

I remembered how happy I was when people gave me a chance to fill in the position of Chief Editor for the society and I promised myself to contribute whatever I can. This is my committment. Then I was given the duties of webmaster reason being I have a blog and the blog shows my efficiency in web-building, but this is not true, for all web-bloggers you will know what I mean but still I accepted the job, treated it as a challenge and an opportunity to learn something new, it was a challenge back then.

Today I was introduced as Chief Editor and Webmaster of the society, I felt proud with the former being mentioned but somewhat awkward when the latter position was mentioned. I would have felt equally proud if I had been able to carry out my duties, I planned to do up the website during this space of free time but things always don't go the way we plan, do they? I cannot use yahoo page builder due to the advertisements popping out every now and then but that's ok, he said he will teach me how to do up the thing or provide me with frontpage software to solve this issue. After a few failed attempts to reach him, I wrote an email to get him to give me a clear indication with regards to the website issue, I really wanted to know if he is still going to teach me or not, if he is not, then I will want to do the website using yahoo page builder and if that's not allowed I will then not want to assume this responsibility, how can I go around telling people I am also the webmaster when I've not done anything to deserve such title? I am not attributing blame or trying to push someone else to do the job, I am merely stuck in the middle, seeking for clarity.

I hate leaving jobs undone, especially when it affects people not just myself. Responsibility is but a simple word, explained by oxford dictionary as duty resulting from your work or position, it is a liability and it is a duty, people who don't know their responsibilities deserves no respect from anyone, nor are they fit to tell people what to do. Without responsibility, people's commitment to the results of their work will diminish, responsibility builds trust, good relationship between teamplayers and irresponsibility not only cause inconvenience to others but diminish your credibility, to succeed in life is to be accountable for what you have done and what you have not done. To be irresponsible is bad enough, to create excuses or to simply shift the blame to somewhere else makes you lesser of a person, failure to take on responsibility in early stages of your life will only help you in your future career as a irresponsible parent and /or as a slacker. Somehow it's not a hard concept to understand.

I remembered how happy I was when people gave me a chance to fill in the position of Chief Editor for the society and I promised myself to contribute whatever I can. This is my committment. Then I was given the duties of webmaster reason being I have a blog and the blog shows my efficiency in web-building, but this is not true, for all web-bloggers you will know what I mean but still I accepted the job, treated it as a challenge and an opportunity to learn something new, it was a challenge back then.

Today I was introduced as Chief Editor and Webmaster of the society, I felt proud with the former being mentioned but somewhat awkward when the latter position was mentioned. I would have felt equally proud if I had been able to carry out my duties, I planned to do up the website during this space of free time but things always don't go the way we plan, do they? I cannot use yahoo page builder due to the advertisements popping out every now and then but that's ok, he said he will teach me how to do up the thing or provide me with frontpage software to solve this issue. After a few failed attempts to reach him, I wrote an email to get him to give me a clear indication with regards to the website issue, I really wanted to know if he is still going to teach me or not, if he is not, then I will want to do the website using yahoo page builder and if that's not allowed I will then not want to assume this responsibility, how can I go around telling people I am also the webmaster when I've not done anything to deserve such title? I am not attributing blame or trying to push someone else to do the job, I am merely stuck in the middle, seeking for clarity. I hate leaving jobs undone, especially when it affects people not just myself.

Responsibility is but a simple word, explained by oxford dictionary as duty resulting from your work or position, it is a liability and it is a duty, people who don't know their responsibilities deserves no respect from anyone, nor are they fit to tell people what to do. Without responsibility, people's commitment to the results of their work will diminish, responsibility builds trust, good relationship between teamplayers and irresponsibility not only cause inconvenience to others but diminish your credibility, to succeed in life is to be accountable for what you have done and what you have not done. To be irresponsible is bad enough, to create excuses or to simply shift the blame to somewhere else makes you lesser of a person, failure to take on responsibility in early stages of your life will only help you in your future career as a irresponsible parent and /or as a slacker. Somehow it's not a hard concept to understand.

I named him Brave-Be. The name should tell you he's brave but it is not that I admire, it is his will to survive, the willingness to learn how to survive and that is something that's worth admiration or commendation. He's my Dad's pet, one of the four lobsters he kept.

I didn't really paid much attention to Brave-Be till one day I found one of his claws ripped and he on the other hand was busy defending or ducking away from Bully, one other lobster among the four which is slightly bigger. At first, Brave-Be lost only one of his bigger claws, few days later he lost all of his remaining hind legs and Bully didn't stop bugging Brave-Be, my first reaction to this was rather instinctual, I wanted to help this poor fella. I placed my hand in to separate Brave-Be from Bully and Brave-Be just ducked away, the same way he ducked away from Bully, so plan A didn't work and I went on to plan B. Plan B was to put Brave-Be at the other side of the tank camouflaged with all the rocks and shells in the tank, but Brave-Be did not stay there for long, the minute I placed it there and was about to take my hand out, it moved away.

And I figured the best way of helping him was perhaps to let him figure things out on his own. So I spent the new few days observing Brave-Be. That little fella was hell of a erm lobster, instead of hiding or retreating, he just sleeps in the open (with no stones, no shells, nothing) and whenever Bully starts poking at him, he tries to fight back and when he can't he just retreats to somewhere where Bully cannot squeeze through because of his sheer size as compared with Brave-Be.

Despite him being small and perhaps a little lost and confused, he never succumbed to Bully, he learned how to survive on his own and with every new thing he does on his own just makes him stronger and more useful, guess nature always has its plan. Every fight he put up against Bully was in fact of much courage and bravery and in my opinion he has done pretty well, even much better than me offering my help. Sometimes the best way for one to survive is to figure how things work in life on their own.

Brave-Be made me realised he's no different from any living creature, he's like one of us too, learning how to survive, facing another day on his own, day by day, night by night. It is of course easy to take the easy way out, to be rescued, to be guided, to be taught but sometimes it is really through the bumpy ride one has to take in his/her life, the moments which one feels scared, lost or confused that really teach one how to go on living, how to, survive. Although Brave-Be didn't really make it (he died) but the story of this little lobster brings clarity and which is why his death's not tragic but hopeful.

To be nobody but yourself,

in a world which is doing its best, night and day,

to make you everybody else,

means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight;

and never stop fighting.



E.E. Cummings

I believe at one time or another each of us was told something, by somebody, somewhere. I had my hair cut recently and my friends who seen me with that either through the photograph or in person just complimented me. It's a bob and I once kept that hairstyle quite some time ago but some friend of mine said it looks ugly and I never went back to being a bobbit (haha ok whatever).

But this time I clearly just want my hair cut to a bob (not because I wanted to look ugly or what), because I desire a change, somehow. I know of a friend who rebonded her hair because everyone said she looked fabulous with straight hair and trust me ever since then she never went back to curly. I then know of a guy who started wearing bermudas because his friends said he looked cute in them instead of the good o jeans and since then he never looked back at jeans, not even one glance.

Then somehow my friend's new boyfriend said he liked girls with natural curls because they look so pretty and she went back to curly, everyone just said she looked great and not dead as before. And then the guy stopped wearing bermudas because he started his first job after graduation and fridays are normally the 'let your hair down' day where you don't need to wear formal office wear just casual jeans with a chic shirt's good enough. His colleagues said he looked so so so charming, yes so so so charming and he just grinned ( and called me and informed me I was right all this while, DUHZ!) and wears jeans more than his berms these days.

I guess everyone at certain point of their lives were told of one thing or another, something they aren't or can't do and they just listen more than what they should or even think about what was said. We might be receiving a million compliments or positive things but somehow it's always the negative things that we hold very dearly to (don't know why). But I personally felt that at some point, we should really ask ourselves if those comments or ideas we have received and are holding on to are indeed true or fits our view perfectly like a missing puzzle.

All that should be based on experience, time, growth and perspective and that's I guess the beauty of growing. It makes you more aware of who you are and what are your thoughts and what makes you happy. Happiness is derived from the ability of being able to decide for yourself and not let social stigma or others' perceptions or opinions affect you. Comments, opinions or perceptions are all subjective and attributed mainly to the environment, experience of one goodself which might be again different from yours.

It's like arts, they are all subjective and nobody, really nobody have a right to decide if a piece of work is really good or not, there shouldn't be a fail for arts, I sometimes doubt how art teachers manage to allocate marks based on their subjectivity (no arts's not objective) and perceptions. I would say the answer to the questions posed with regards to the truthful comments or opinions put acrossed to you by somebody's often a 'no'.

And Winston Churchill ( I cannot remember if it's him, but should be) once said the formula for failure's to try please everyone and since people will comment anyway why don't you just let loose and do whatever you want and whatever that you really think makes you a happier person? This will not only give you freedom but really sense of power because you decide what you want and not someone who is busy keeping up with what people want from you. Really I honestly think so

I'm sorry for the long absence (mugging for exams!!), catch me in a few days time.