I feel like a child all over again. It's strange and I don't even know why. Suddenly, the beauty of life just fills me inside out, I can feel the surge of excitement and weirdest thing is I haven't the slightest idea why.I don't know why I did it but last night I checked my cupboard to see if there's the scary boogy man. I chuckled and giggled upon finding none not like I'm expecting any though...eew..scary..It's so strange and funny, I'm like travelling on a history roller coaster bringing me back to my younger years where I fear there may be monsters creeping under my bed, hiding in my cupboard and at times I get so afraid I pull my blanket over my head to seek refuge.

Yeap, that's my security blanket that keeps me safe from monsters and boogy man, it seems like as long as I am covered within the perimeters of my blanket, I am generally well protected. Those were the carefree days where you don't basically have to be responsible for all the naughty acts or things you say. I must admit that at times, as much as the process of growing up fulfills one's life with experiences and moments, the stage of being a child is equally fulfilling, in that you basically enjoy the best moments of your life being a child and staying one.

Why do I say that? Haven't you tried retaining a part of yourself that seems so innocent, so real, so pure? Haven't you seen how much people like children because they are truthful and not deceitful, how much trust people place on children on the things they say because children don't lie, they are genuine and expresses their likes and dislikes most openly without engaging in politics. This is something we forget as we grow older, things that make perfect sense to us as a kid no longer make sense as we grow up, we find ourselves being deceitful, passive and aggressive (i.e. loaning notes to people whom we don't like but find it hard to reject), we tend not to show our true emotions and likes and dislikes.

I try so hard at times to hold myself back where I started but at times it's just so difficult. There are times where I've been so fake and do stuff which upsets me terribly as I reflect. There are times where I find myself trap in a situation where I cannot afford to be truthful and that makes me sad at times. Inquisitive is a child's natural gift, asking all the whys about the world or things which he/she never understand is what that makes them never taking things for granted, boastful for there is a lot more to life that they can never learn all about, that is what I understood as a child. I fought so hard to bring back my inquisitive mind I had back then as a child, the free spirit who never fails to ask questions to understand and I'm glad I brought it back. Adults don't ask questions as much as they used to when they were kids, they seemed to know the answer to everything and take almost anything that happen as of right that they should happen and it's not ever surprising why certain things happen, sometimes adults don't ask questions because they fear being ridiculed by their own peers but if you don't ask, you'll never win or walk out of the rat race. Bear this in mind that no question is ever stupid so long as you asked it because you are seeking for an answer to your troubled mind. It is thus important to know why sometimes, you don't just rote whatever you are supposed to learn and don't understand the true mechanics behind what you are learning, or do you? There are just so many reasons why I like being a child, but I shall not dwell on it here, you'll probably unravel the mystery one fine day yourself or when you get to read my official piece of work, that is if you too think the same way as I do.

What has flown away will never return
For it has sought a greener pasture
For it has seen the new ray of light
For it no longer needs your company

What is it then one cannot understand
that one have to cling on to his/her own beliefs
thinking what has flown away will return
when in the first place one gave it up?

To not see the beauty of what lies within your grasp
is nobody's fault but your loss
For it has always been there by your side
until it decided to bid goodbye

To not treasure what you have and pursue something else
is nothing but a foolish act
for when you turn around it slips away..

I've been thinking alot about death recently, ever since I got here. I fear death, honestly. It's not just about me feeling the pain when I go, but the people I leave behind if I should go one fine day. People like my parents who matter a great deal to me and my very close friends, which are few. I am perfectly conscious that any moment may be my last thats why I chase life doubly hard. I make moments count because everyday could be the last opportunity for us to say something, do something.

That is why I always make sure I say everything that's on my mind from telling my parents I love them to telling my friends how much I treasure and appreciate them. I don't waste my time by feeling bitter about past events that hurt me in a way or another, neither do I waste time being petty with trivial matters, I don't basically live in the past but future. I live for the future. I try making every moment meaningful, real. I try entertaining people who I care so as to make them happy. I try not to spend time pondering and wondering the 'if' situations or hoping I can somehow turn back time (although @ times I really hope I could).No, not that the thought of me dropping dead bugs me 24/7, it's not that. I am just being aware of what might happen and being conscious of it leads me to living a more meaningful life. Because sometimes you don't always get a second chance to say things you want to say, do things you want to do, be somebody you want to be. As much as dying is part of of life, so is living and living is really all about being satisfied with what you have done, not what you could have done.

It's not uncommon that I come across as aloof, arrogant, proud, unapproachable, immature, childish. I get these half the time from people who are:a) who are different from me hence the reason why they misunderstand what I am like b) judge me by my appearance & voila ici they know everything about me and basically full stop. c) don't really get the chance to know me as a person and/or know me via rumours (Half of them originate from girls, don't ask me why, this is the girl thing that guys can never understand, this is an inherent find fault factor that exists in girls) d) people who judge me almost so quickly before I can even finish saying "Hi, my name is ..."

I dislike type B & D the most. As much as they like to stereotype me as some bimbo or some brainless cute chic chick (the want you for the day but not for life) etc etc, I label them as shallow ones. You find that I hardly rebutt or refute these claims about me, the reason for not doing that is these people don't matter so why bother? Besides who I really am must have been of no importance that they can conclude so quickly what makes you think by elaborating or illustrating the murky water will turn clear? In any case, it's difficult to refute those stereotyped description of me. I used to practice the concept of 'ignore these people, time will show" But growing up changed my perspective totally, especially in political settings like office, school etc. I realised I cannot wait for time to show who I really am, as much as I like to I can't. And I am preaching it to everyone reading this entry.

When you work, you tend to get yourself tangle in a web of deceit spun by the political spider/s, when you find yourself being misunderstood, don't just sit there quietly hoping that things will turn for the better, for all you know you might be asked to leave the following day. I am not asking you to spin the same web plus more boos boos and traps, no I am not asking you to do that, how different are you from those vicious spiders then? All I am asking is for you to clarify and not sit at your desk subject yourself to such attacks, don't think about 101 things you may have done wrong to trigger this whole event, sometimes spiders don't spin web for a reason. Same goes for school, else you may find yourself the ostracized oddball subject to relentless vicious attacks. 'Sure, it's easy for you to say...' hello dear guy/gal, it's not like I am asking you to attain immortality, this is mission possible not impossible. What does it take to speak out for yourself? Isn't reputation more important than anything else? Isn't your good name worth something? All it takes is guts and guts can be acquired, when you start speaking out for yourself, demanding what's right for yourself, it should be smooth as driving a ferrari from then on baby. Take the first step, go on try it, I promise it will be fulfilling and enriching

I was sitting on the latch yesterday. Yes, again, it has now become my little den where I reflect deeply or place where I sit and consolidate all my random thoughts. But then again, sometimes I just sit there to stare back at the sky the way it was looking at me.

I thought about Isabel last night, her friendship. Her friendship is priceless and I'm so glad that I've met her. We have shared so many precious moments together, be it happy, sad, angry, worried and so on and so forth. It's not the duration that makes me treasure this friendship, it's the effort we both contributed to this friendship that makes this friendship something different from the others. She is the one friend who takes precedence over all others. (sorry not that you guys don't matter!) She is someone whom I really like to grow old to be little old ladies together with, the one whom I would reiterate those 'remember back then' moments together and put on silly big hats and get away for behaving badly in public with when we are both old. We have been through so much together, been there for one another, took turns to role-play aunty agony for one another, encouraged and motivated one another.

Sometimes it's strange to note how much she believed in me because apart from my parents there's no one else that truly believe in me at times. Not that I am not credible but it's just dreams which people chided me for having them (a portion of these people have issues which they cannot resolve within themselves and they actually chided me for having dreams which they dare not even think of, let alone take steps to achieving them). Honesty, is something I admire about our friendship. We never allow each other to wear an ugly top or dress out, if a skirt looks ugly on her, I will just say it's ugly and nothing more nothing less.

That's something you don't often find in friendships between girls. It's controversial I know but you would know what I mean if you were to look at the old pictures of you in those fashion that has gone terribly wrong dresses or tops, and you might remembered the real culprit who induced you in getting them. Get it? We are not only honest with each other in that aspect, we are sometimes terribly honest with each other as to how we feel about certain actions each has done.

We are simply not afraid to say "I'm not very happy with what you have done.." or "I am angry.." kind of stuff. Thankfully, we don't end up having cat fights, we merely discuss, get over the issues and move on. We are the true friends who change and grow with each other and learn through each other's experience, be it bad or good. We are the best friends who can share the most insignificant and best parts of our life (esp me, always repeating myself, telling the same old stories and somehow she's never sick of them or rather listening to me hehe, I'm so blessed!) with the same degree of joy, laughter and openess. We practice nothing negative like jealousy but admiration and envy.

We are the lifesavers that last for lifetime for one another and yes, I mean no expiry dates whatsoever. I was once afraid to define her as my bestest friend for fear that the magic may disappear or that she'll be taken away from me somehow (I don't know how, don't ask me) and I really don't want that to happen. But now, I have no qualms about defining her as my bestest friend. Isabel's indeed my bestest friend and our friendship will continue to grow (grow grow grow! Grow ok?) and evolve as we evolve!

Life is as good as it gets

Living in moments makes one happierNot in the sense that one should pick the best moments and live in the past but every little thing can be moments that can make you happy every now and thenI feel happy just by having a meal with my parentsI feel happy and content just by being hereI feel content and at peace when I make a good cup of teaI feel delirious when a friend tells me how much I meant T

hese are little moments in life which I chose to define as perfectI know I am one oddball, who seems to think life's a bed of roses I am what you call the optimistic type I am the carefree one But these ain't no crimeI chose to make my life a perfect one by cherishing every little thing that matters Every little insignificant thing in life is something to me subjectively I can never seem to convince anyone to accept my theory And I ain't going to try no more Life is always full of difficult situations We always have a choice, to see it in a better way...