I enjoy flailing myself mercilessly all around my room to the music. I feel beautiful, I feel happy, I feel wonderful. Today I'm flailing myself to Whitney Housten's I'm every woman & MJ's You rock my world. I love MJ alot, his songs never failed to get me moving. And that's good. Everytime when I feel bad or upset, I'll give songs like these a go at my hi-fi and swirl 360 degrees left and right then flail my body all around my room (I once knocked myself against the wall while doing that). I feel almost perfect when I'm doing all these movements and I am saying almost perfect not perfect. It doesn't matter if my movements are co-ordinated or not, I am not particular about all these not because I lack passion for dance or music but I don't like feeling restricted or constrained.
I enjoy freedom of movements and I usually don't give a damn if I am graceful or not, I am just into enjoying myself thoroughly if I may add. In fact, movements like these should come au naturel so as to benefit from the experience. Every session to me is a new different experience, I derive different pleasures time to time.Sometimes I club just to move my body, when I recommended this method of enjoying oneself mentally and physically to my friend, she said this "Yeah, you enjoy them because you are small and people love watching you when you do that, you have a nice frame.." That is of course not true, anyone who knows me would know I have an imperfect body. I am short and equipped with two flabby arms, some scars here and there, a tummy and I still dance. Anyone can dance to the music, it doesn't really matter how you look or how you move, anyone that laughs at you ignore them, for they lack substance and ain't worth any attention.
"I'm every woman, it's all in me...."
Wednesday, October 29, 2003
Je ne sais quoi. I'm sitting on the latch now, my room's all dark and cold. Today I don't get the privilege of falling asleep before the heater's off because I am kept awake, yes kept awake by thoughts. Lovely thoughts of how treasured I am, how loved I am and much much more. I am marvelled how most of the people I've met actually saves a place for me in their hearts when I am so ordinary and plain. I am content just by this very fact. These are the small little things in life, which I am glad for.
Saturday, October 25, 2003
Why people write? I write to empower, entertain and let people have a good laugh. I write because I wish that people derive some pleasure in reading my writing bits. I write because I want to share. But what about the other writers out there? Do they..a) write for profitb) write to become famousc) write to influence people & provide pleasureIf the writers out there fall into any of category A or B, they ain't writers. They don't have the soul for writing. But ironically, most of them gets famous and earn big bucks.
Maybe if category A writers contribute part of their royalties back to the society, they aren't such bad writers afterall, they might just have a soul. Maybe if category B writers gets famous and influence people in the positive way and empower people, they are nice people afterall. But will most of them do that? I am not saying writers should not write for a living, but at the end of the day, it's not just about earning, it's about giving back to the society of what that has been given to you, your gift to write may be god-given or acquired as time passes, I am almost certain that anyone that makes the slightest effort to write consistently can be eventually a writer, but just what kind of writer are you? Where will you stand after publishing 30 best-selling novels or what have you?
Maybe if category A writers contribute part of their royalties back to the society, they aren't such bad writers afterall, they might just have a soul. Maybe if category B writers gets famous and influence people in the positive way and empower people, they are nice people afterall. But will most of them do that? I am not saying writers should not write for a living, but at the end of the day, it's not just about earning, it's about giving back to the society of what that has been given to you, your gift to write may be god-given or acquired as time passes, I am almost certain that anyone that makes the slightest effort to write consistently can be eventually a writer, but just what kind of writer are you? Where will you stand after publishing 30 best-selling novels or what have you?
Tuesday, October 21, 2003
There's a lot of things I've been trying and experimenting of late and I really liked that. From whipping up some weird looking dishes (And yes, they are damn edible!), napping, yoga lessons, grocery shopping. And the one thing I've been doing more than any of the listed is writing. And this is something which I am awfully glad that I am doing. Mum always thought that I had talent in writing, for some strange reasons unexplained. In short, I doubted her as well as my abilities. I used to write really well but I've grown lazy over the past several years.
Then the laziness developed into fear which became a sore spot for me and I started doubting in every darn thing that I wrote and I started branching into doing some other creative stuff like painting, still arts. Then came the unanimous comment from both my mum and my art teacher, mum says I can't paint or draw, art teacher says my still paintings / drawings look as though they fly and no one can understand what I was painting or drawing. My pig looks like a cow, my dolphin looks like some shark. Everytime I draw something I have to explain to people what they are, then I started growing tired of describing my wonderful creations because I finally understood why nobody understands my drawings.
They have all grown rusty and used to taking things for granted, used to making assumptions and hence before they even pay attention to the details I've added in my master pieces they assumed it's one of the other. Oh well...the last piece of art I've ever done was at the age of fourteen and fifteen was the age when I decided to give up arts. Age seventeen was a good age for me, creativity in writing was re-ignited, I composed a few poems during some boring lectures on computers and gadgets and some short stories during my breaks. The only thing that I have been doing more than any other stuff was creating. Creating my own written works, in which I allowed no one to criticise nor improvise. Not that I am receptive towards opinions or suggestions but I felt that as a writer or creator, you should be the only one deciding what should be in and thrown out of the windows. To allow others to influence your style of writing is to let others manipulate your work. Where then is creativity? Age twenty is the best time of my life, for now, I've been encouraged by my mum, my close friends to write and I started writing. I am currently in the midst of production of a story which I hope it will one day not just be a story, but a book, a book dedicated to my Dad, his life, his story.
At age twenty, I feel more reassured of my own natural abilities, ask me for some ideas on how a particular essay should be written, I'll have it. It just takes me 5 minutes to generate an opening paragraph and tell me how good am I? I think growing is the best part of one's life. I can feel the change in me, ideas having form of its own, ideas becoming words. My mum's words still rings in my ears every now and then and I truly believe I too, one day can become a successful writer. It just takes a little more time to catch up with what I've been missing for the several odd years and it doesn't matter when I get there, what matters is the process of getting there.
Then the laziness developed into fear which became a sore spot for me and I started doubting in every darn thing that I wrote and I started branching into doing some other creative stuff like painting, still arts. Then came the unanimous comment from both my mum and my art teacher, mum says I can't paint or draw, art teacher says my still paintings / drawings look as though they fly and no one can understand what I was painting or drawing. My pig looks like a cow, my dolphin looks like some shark. Everytime I draw something I have to explain to people what they are, then I started growing tired of describing my wonderful creations because I finally understood why nobody understands my drawings.
They have all grown rusty and used to taking things for granted, used to making assumptions and hence before they even pay attention to the details I've added in my master pieces they assumed it's one of the other. Oh well...the last piece of art I've ever done was at the age of fourteen and fifteen was the age when I decided to give up arts. Age seventeen was a good age for me, creativity in writing was re-ignited, I composed a few poems during some boring lectures on computers and gadgets and some short stories during my breaks. The only thing that I have been doing more than any other stuff was creating. Creating my own written works, in which I allowed no one to criticise nor improvise. Not that I am receptive towards opinions or suggestions but I felt that as a writer or creator, you should be the only one deciding what should be in and thrown out of the windows. To allow others to influence your style of writing is to let others manipulate your work. Where then is creativity? Age twenty is the best time of my life, for now, I've been encouraged by my mum, my close friends to write and I started writing. I am currently in the midst of production of a story which I hope it will one day not just be a story, but a book, a book dedicated to my Dad, his life, his story.
At age twenty, I feel more reassured of my own natural abilities, ask me for some ideas on how a particular essay should be written, I'll have it. It just takes me 5 minutes to generate an opening paragraph and tell me how good am I? I think growing is the best part of one's life. I can feel the change in me, ideas having form of its own, ideas becoming words. My mum's words still rings in my ears every now and then and I truly believe I too, one day can become a successful writer. It just takes a little more time to catch up with what I've been missing for the several odd years and it doesn't matter when I get there, what matters is the process of getting there.
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Research has proven that one third of our lives are spent on sleeping, the second instalment spent feeling like it would be nice to go back to bed. The last and final instalment is spent hoping/ wishing it will soon be bedtime! Yay! Now don't cheat yourselves, how many times have you wished school starts at late noon and daydream about the catnaps or noon naps while attending classes? OOPS! Waking early has become such a major problem for me of late that I have to spent some noons napping away to recover from the trauma of waking early.
Sometimes I feel so tired that I felt I have conveniently left my brain under the pillow as I pick myself up for school. I don't know if anybody actually feel exhausted at times just by waking early or is it just me but sometimes I feel so lazy that I just want to sleep in and not attend lectures. But thankfully, my conscience won't let me. So I am safe for now. haha yes for now is the word. When one is really tired, the mere thought of moving any part of your body becomes exhausting when of course, in reality doing something is less tiring than thinking about doing something. Get it? No? Oh give it some thoughts and you'll get what I mean.
My friend was telling me what an insomniac charmer he is and I patronized him by nodding my head vigorously but back at my head I was thinking if there's such thing known as insomniac charmer. How can this be possible? How can anyone be an insomniac charmer when one gets more and more tired and the things that one can talk about are probably absolute rubbish. When you get tired, you can't say anything charming, then you can't say anything interesting, then nothing is amusing and/or intelligible or mentally stimulating and finally nothing at all, because your eyeballs may just pop out if you attempt moving your mouth another inch.
There is this phrase that I've read somewhere that says "Early to bed, Early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise" and this other phrase by some writer that says the exact opposite (which I thought was real funny) "Late to bed, Late to rise, makes you unhealthy, poor and stupid" Haha There are times where you slip yourself into a nasty condition where sleeping becomes an issue for you as you can't sleep because you are so darn tired that sleeping is no longer possible! Solution: Bang your head against the wall, haha nah I am kidding, this will probably send you off your way much much earlier or to the A&E department of the hospital. So don't try it. And I mean it, don't try it. Oh why don't anyone listen nowadays? Everyone just loves practicing selective listening huh? Well your life, what can I say or do about it? Ok as I was saying you get into a nasty condition where you get too tired to sleep and the whole business of falling asleep is too much of effort and you just suffer.
Sometimes people can have 8 or 10 hours of sleep and still feel tired when they wake and they will then spend the next few minutes either cat-napping or feeling how nice it would be to go back to bed again, but don't get cheated, I mean seriously research has shown that 6 hours of sleep per day for a grown adult (Please don't get me to define what I mean by grown adults, ask the researchers) is grossly sufficient and 8 to 10 hours of sleep is therefore more than enough (or is it?) Sometimes I feel having a nap is like a tiredness enhancer that sends you fleeting moments of pleasure for napping but wake up 2 or 3 hours later with a cramp, dry mouth (not to mention stinky breath), wobbly legs, puffy eyes sitting in the lecture theatre wondering if you are dead!
(Resources for this material came from G Browning's Article)
Sometimes I feel so tired that I felt I have conveniently left my brain under the pillow as I pick myself up for school. I don't know if anybody actually feel exhausted at times just by waking early or is it just me but sometimes I feel so lazy that I just want to sleep in and not attend lectures. But thankfully, my conscience won't let me. So I am safe for now. haha yes for now is the word. When one is really tired, the mere thought of moving any part of your body becomes exhausting when of course, in reality doing something is less tiring than thinking about doing something. Get it? No? Oh give it some thoughts and you'll get what I mean.
My friend was telling me what an insomniac charmer he is and I patronized him by nodding my head vigorously but back at my head I was thinking if there's such thing known as insomniac charmer. How can this be possible? How can anyone be an insomniac charmer when one gets more and more tired and the things that one can talk about are probably absolute rubbish. When you get tired, you can't say anything charming, then you can't say anything interesting, then nothing is amusing and/or intelligible or mentally stimulating and finally nothing at all, because your eyeballs may just pop out if you attempt moving your mouth another inch.
There is this phrase that I've read somewhere that says "Early to bed, Early to rise, makes you healthy, wealthy and wise" and this other phrase by some writer that says the exact opposite (which I thought was real funny) "Late to bed, Late to rise, makes you unhealthy, poor and stupid" Haha There are times where you slip yourself into a nasty condition where sleeping becomes an issue for you as you can't sleep because you are so darn tired that sleeping is no longer possible! Solution: Bang your head against the wall, haha nah I am kidding, this will probably send you off your way much much earlier or to the A&E department of the hospital. So don't try it. And I mean it, don't try it. Oh why don't anyone listen nowadays? Everyone just loves practicing selective listening huh? Well your life, what can I say or do about it? Ok as I was saying you get into a nasty condition where you get too tired to sleep and the whole business of falling asleep is too much of effort and you just suffer.
Sometimes people can have 8 or 10 hours of sleep and still feel tired when they wake and they will then spend the next few minutes either cat-napping or feeling how nice it would be to go back to bed again, but don't get cheated, I mean seriously research has shown that 6 hours of sleep per day for a grown adult (Please don't get me to define what I mean by grown adults, ask the researchers) is grossly sufficient and 8 to 10 hours of sleep is therefore more than enough (or is it?) Sometimes I feel having a nap is like a tiredness enhancer that sends you fleeting moments of pleasure for napping but wake up 2 or 3 hours later with a cramp, dry mouth (not to mention stinky breath), wobbly legs, puffy eyes sitting in the lecture theatre wondering if you are dead!
(Resources for this material came from G Browning's Article)
Saturday, October 04, 2003
Moments of Life
Haven't been blogging for awhile since I've reached Manchester, been really lazy. Yeah lazy and no other cheap excuses. I felt an urge to blog today when I got out of bed and had this inspiration to write on this particular topic which I would like to name it Moments of Life. Moments of life, be it happy, painful, sad, hard moments, they are temporary and not eternal. No, moments don't enjoy what we call longevity.
Sometimes we just like to embrace the happier moments and chase the painful ones away. But hey, you know what? You can feel happy forever by choosing moments that mean something to you. It's not a difficult concept, pain is inevitable but not suffering. It's always a matter of choice. I am not a preacher or what have you, but life's all about being practical. Although at times, I daydream and hallucinate (ooh scary) and let my imagination go riot, I am still a very pragmatic person. It's like the classic cliche modified by my good old self (which I have fallen hopelessly in love with) that goes if you don't like something, change it, if you can't change it, change the way you think about it and make things happen for you. This is the benefit of being intellectual. You identify problems that's affecting your life, get to it, take charge and solve it. Easier said then done? Well sometimes this invites heart ache, heart-wrenching moments but again they are like moments, temporary and will, i mean WILL go away. So you decide what you want to remember for the rest of your life and hopefully, you can choose the best ones to remember and be happy!
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