Whenever someone complains to me how much they dislike a particular blog, I often advice them not to continue reading it if it irritates them and like all good advices, they are often ignored. I often think people brings about trouble upon themselves and if you were to look around and observe, you will understand what I mean. I don't think of myself any different from them, I am afterall too someone who often creates problems for myself and I admit that, what I try to do is to not cause too much trouble for myself.

You may think of me as someone who is overly judgmental and yes, maybe you are right, I don't often give second chance after forming an impression. When I pick up a book by a certain author and I find that book poorly written or boring, I simply condemn the author and will not read other books written by him/her unless it is one that has earned itself a reputation or even a spot on the best selling shelves, only then will I reconsider. That is the exception to the don't give second chance principle of mine. I often find myself a very lucky person becaues I know clearly what is it that I like and what is it that entertains me and I don't make my life miserable by doing things I dislike or reading things which will put me off.

Which is why, I cannot simply understand why is it some people I know of, make things harder for themselves and then in their twisted minds, they make it seemed as though they were coerced into making their life difficult. There is always a choice in life so don't make others shoulder any part of your responsibilty. It is like how I continue reading a particular person's blog even when I dislike the style and contents but I still choose to read it out of curiosity, you don't see me complaining about how this person should write or perhaps suggests how he/she should just disappear from this literary world do you? Why complain when you choose to be curious?

Let me explain the steps of visiting a person's blog to you, in case you don't already know. First, you type the address of the blog, second, you hit enter on your keyboard and voila ici, in two steps, you reach the site. Bear in mind, you actually need to type and hit enter before you can start reading a person's blog. So how is it that people can actually say they've been coerced into reading another's blog and how can you compare a person's blog to spam mails? Help me understand will you? I am simply too dense to understand. When you choose to read a person's blog, you need to remind yourself, regardless of how senseless a person's blog may seem to be to you, you made the choice to read the blog and if you don't like it, leave promptly and never return to the same blog. If you don't like it, leave it is what I am driving at, I hope you are not too thick to understand, put your cash where your mouth is at, match your opinions with your actions, don't torment yourself by making yourself go through things you dislike, you do realise you are not very far from being a sadist if you continue this cycle do you? It is not too hard or even too late to learn how to be a man of your word, really.

This world is materialistic, no matter how you look at it, it simply is a shallow little world we are all living in. People are judgmental and they tend to impose their views on what should have been on others rather than experimenting what could have been. Wherever you are from, whichever culture it is that you have, you are judgmental and but a pathetic fool.

Whenever we first acquaint ourselves with others, we tend to ask them either about the course they are currently reading or their job positions and it is from there we start playing the judges of others' life. If you are reading law, medicine, neuroscience, sociology bla bla, you should be smart. If you were previously from a good college or tertiary institution, you should too be intelligent, somehow one way or another. If you are working as a lawyer, a doctor, a banker, a financial analyst, certainly you are expected to be a high flyer and you should have enough brains to hold on to that position of yours.

But is it all true? Are you sure all lawyers, doctors, bankers, psychologists and so on are indeed intellectual? Why are we letting the qualifications of others speak for themselves when we could have taken the time to sit down and decide for ourselves if that particular lawyer or doctor bla bla sitting right in front of you is not just booksmart but too measured in terms of ability, capable? Sure, we are all busy, we are busy all the time aren't we? Too busy to look around and appreciate the trees planted around us, too busy to do this too busy to do that, now we are even much more busier that we let people's degree qualifications and job positions fool us.

Certainly, by no means, not every single first class student of whichever discipline they graduate from are dumb, there are indeed a few of them who are indeed booksmart and simply put, they are just smart on the whole, but then again you must too realise there is another group of first class students who are merely good at regurgitating whatever they have read somewhere either from books or from others' essays. When put to the test, which might all be a little too late, that is when they have secured a job, these jokers may prove to be much worser than sometimes even a third class degree holder.

Ok a little too extreme you say, but it is true, nothing in this blue globe like thing, also known as the world is not memorizable. I tell you this for sure, nothing. As much as I like to think academics do know how to mark papers properly, I tell you, hell no, at least not those I've came across. I regurgitated quite a whole lot of rubbish from some of the lectures I have attended as well as materials from the textbook once for my non-assessed essay, which took me less than an hour to complete that 1500 words essay and I gotten a high 2:1 for that piece of work that requires zero brain cells to produce. My other fellow coursemate, who by no means is dumb, gave his all to that essay, which I must say is pretty well written as well as evidently clear that he did quite a fair bit of research and critical thinking, and guess what did he get? A mere 2:2, a pretty high 2:2 though, but what is particularly ironic is the remarks given on his essay is that his essay is too descriptive and what is written on mine is something along the lines of there is trace of critical analysis. Ha! What a joke! Ok to be honest, quite a fair bit of his essay was pretty introductory, but it is not exactly introductory without merit. He was at least working on style, something which I tend to indulge in when I can afford the time. I am in the opinion that my seminar taker should have at the very least given him the credit for his style and the analysis he did independently.

Everyone else in the same seminar group thinks that this guy is perhaps dumb or something, and that he is perhaps better off reading some other courses. But because I had the privilege of reading his essay and too gotten to know him on a personal level, I judged him differently. I know he knows his stuff, he is perhaps just not good at knowing how to present his points effectively within the 1500 words limit, that in itself, you may say is evidently destructive but hey the old english way of writing essays is to illustrate your point, which may be summarized in 5 - 6 words, in like 20 words. Yuppy, three times more. So, he's not exactly wrong either.

Had I not had the privilege to read his essay and to know him for who he is, I would probably have been one of those judgmental fools who has no regards for his brains. But reminding myself from time to time, that people with good grades are not necessarily smart, I tend to keep my mouth and mind where they are and not let them wander off too far. Of course, you may say, without prior knowledge of what the person is like, degree qualification and classification is perhaps the easiest way to judge a person quickly (but not effectively), certainly with such a fast paced society, we cannot afford to sit everyone down and understand them one by one. I agree with you totally, but if you are starting to acquaint yourself with somebody and gradually better associate yourself with them, don't let the first impressions (which you may derive from the shallow questions like, "so which sch are you from?" "oh HARVARD!" *mental note* smartass smartass right in front of me) you have get to you and let it be an obstacle to know that person on a more intellectual and personal level. I mean really do yourself a favour, you can be shallow but you can too stop being shallow, know when to stop yourself is the point I am driving at.

And oh, by no means am I trying to say people without proper qualifications are the winners in life, qualification is one thing, education is another, education opens the door of opportunities for one and education helps someone who is smart to become smarter.

Last but not least, the real battle starts at work, so whether you are a dumbass or a smartass, your employers will know, unless you get super lucky, which is not impossible you know?

I am sorry, but what has talent got to do with your disability?

A particular chinese singing competition, titled Project Superstar has made some news or rather created some topic of discussions. A particular blind contestant, Tan Weilian entered the competition and made it to the semi-finals (I think) and that sparkled off some widely debated topic, which is the reason why this guy by the name of Weilian is still in the competition. According to the majority, the reason why he is staying is because he is disabled, because he is blind, everyone is more sympathetic towards him and thus supported him in the competition because they feel sorry for him. Yes, of course, then you have people saying the reason why he is still in the competition is because he has the talent or both the talent and the sympathy votes. I feel sorry for him, not because he is disabled, I feel sorry that his talent for singing has to be viewed this way. This is a singing competition right? So why is it everyone is turning this competition to some sort of charity show? As if we don't have enough charity shows on the television set all year round.

Stevie Wonder is a legend in the music industry,he is blind yet we all still love him but you don't hear people explaining the formula of his success in the music industry as being blind, you don't hear things like people feel sorry for him that is why he is able to sell that much of singles or albums, people recognise his talents for playing a variety of musical instruments and his voice talent, so why can't people in Singapore do the same for this Weilian guy? I heard him performed like twice on the television programme and I really think he has a great voice and definitely the potential for being a superstar, ok definitely not the next Stevie Wonder since he is not a multi-instrumentalist but you get the idea.

Singers using cartoon characters to represent themselves like this Ocean guy or Zhou Hui, were both accorded recognition for solely their voice and for all you know, what happens if this Ocean guy is actually a disabled person too? Will you still say the reason why he is so successful (at least now) is because he is disabled? If people can accept internet singers' songs without first knowing who sang it and without knowing their physical characteristics, why can't we accept this Weilian guy for his talent?

People supporting Weilian because you feel sorry for him, please stop doing that, he is not sorry for himself and he is not any worse off than the ordinary you and me, stop insulting him by voting for him because you are sorry, because you simply am not by doing so. Please save your compassion for some other stupid charity shows on mediacorp.

Everyone enjoys using self-giving people but nobody hangs around with them once they are done using them. Using is the word. So shouldn't you be looking after your own welfare at a certain point in life and not be too considerate to others when nobody's being considerate to your very own existence?

A mother's plea, have you heard her loud and clear?

When Marie Fatayi-Williams, the mother of the missing son, Anthony Fatayi-Williams who has been missing since the latest London terror attack, appealed to the terrorists to stop the vicious cycle of killing before more mothers' hearts will be maimed by any future terrorists attacks, my heart sank. Indeed, if there is any possible way whereby one can reach the terrorists, they ought to hear Marie's plea and ingrain that in their minds for good and stop killing people's children, the children's parents, people's loved ones, for they are all innocent and has certainly no such need or whatsoever to be embroiled in this rebellion against the 'civilised world''s government, particularly the mastermind of the Iraq war, 'Bush, the Butcher'. What has the innocent public got to do with their governments' decisions?

Taking lives without even hesitating to send a message of we will continue to terror the supporters of the anti-terrorists groups as long as we live, is this an effective way of taking a stand now? Since when did violence suddenly became the only way of communication and why is it that nobody bothered informing the 'civilised world'? Who are these self-proclaimed righteous followers of their own version of the religion islam and why on earth should the power to deceide who should live be in their hands? What kind of world are we all living in now?

Life is precious, regardless of how insignificant an individual is, it is afterall life. Life is a form of common good according to Finnis and it is something which all human communities treasure and attempt to protect, this is why laws prohibiting murder are set in motion. There is so much to living, so much love to be spread around this world, so many people to help, so much knowledge to share with this world, so much more things one can do to make this world a better place, so much happy stuff to do in this life of yours, why subscribe to this new religion death and start spreading it around by slaughtering people?

That being said, my mentor from my previous work place reminded me today, what one is born to do in this life, that is to remember 'one's impact on lives will impact more lives' and continue doing what one is good at that is making this world a better place, with even the most insignificant way which one can contribute and restore the peace we once all shared and enjoyed. We must remember all the good that is done from day to day and continue promoting such good and pray that the good acts will continue for generations to come.

Is the value of life really a grand total of zero now? Why is it terrorists like Al-Qaeda has simply no regard for life? There are certainly a whole lot of other means to send the message across, why resort to violent attacks like the latest bombings in London?

Why too create more racial problems as if they are not already enough? I cannot imagine what the lives of the muslim population in UK will be leading from now on, after 911 attack, muslims in the US are watched with tight supervision, discriminated and alienated from the general population, regardless of the fact that some of them are too Americans. I reckon the situation for UK will too be the same. *sighs* I just hope the Brits will be more understanding towards the muslim population in UK, they are too victims of such a situation.

"I was thought to be stuck up. I wasn't. I was just sure of myself. This is and always has been an unforgivable quality to the unsure." - Bette Davis

If there is any category of adjectives that has been splashed to me one too many times, it would be the type of adjectives along words like arrogant, aloof and so on and so forth. But I have never been arrogant or even tried to be anything close to it, I have always been me, that is someone who is sure of herself. Since when did being comfortable with being who you are became a crime?

You may recall me blogging about a friend of mine quitting law school to join some voluntary organisations and in that particular entry, I mentioned about people having problems dealing with one's loftiest ambition or goal but what I didn't quite mention is that people in general have problems with people who are successful in life, one way or another.

It is true. Despite the fact that everyone desires success and success in life is in general encouraged, ironically, it seems that the people who are criticised and/or are hated/disliked are somehow those who achieved success in life, again, one way or another. The pretty ones, the rich ones, the ones with good jobs and so on and so forth are hated or talked about behind their backs one way or another to the extent where they are thought of as stuck-up, aloof, arrogant and a lot more of such adjectives come gushing their way, flooding them to perhaps MJ's neverland but more practically, neverend.

This I simply cannot accept. Why is it so hard to accept others' success? Why is it so hard to appreciate those who are sure of themselves when the entire world is perhaps packed with those who are either lost or confused, why condemn those who are sure of themselves, why condemn people who can act as sources of inspiration to those lost or confused souls? Are we really suffering from the "at least I am better off" syndrome, where we can only accept people who are worse off than ourselves, because this at the very least consoles our very tortured starved losers' soul / mentality.

We've been taught from young that we should all go to schools, universities and make something out of ourselves when we graduate and try to carve a niche in whichever industry we choose to work in after graduation and so why such negativity? Why are we not appreciating the value of one's success and instead we are going on a vicious rampage on these people who somewhat attained some hint of success? I mean, it is not as if these people have been trying to be something they are not but rather they have achieved the things they have set out in their life, they are who they are and they are sure of it, why get all so jealous of such people when they have most probably worked their ass off to achieve that little bit of success and why hate them for what they have or are?

When one blogger posted her nude picture on her blog, she became the subject of criticisms when all she did was to post a nude picture of herself on her blog, she was, in my own opinion, being comfortable with her own body and am flaunting what she's got, you don't get the catchy phrase of if you got it flaunt it for nothing you know? She was just sure of herself, why is that a crime? Personal satisfaction seems to bother those who don't have it.

Whenever I post about my thoughts on certain topics, people always have something negative to say about my post, there will be people emailing me criticising my style of blogging, telling me what I should be blogging, how I should be blogging to avoid being an egoistical nightmare to them all. I admit to a certain extent, I do blog for readership but must I compromise my style to some self-depreciating style to entertain those who cannot tolerate my so called egoistical entries? Get a life, I mean seriously, digressing a little, it is my blog and if you so hate the things I have to say, don't read my blog, it is that simple, I am not pointing a gun at your head forcing you to read my blog am I?

Some girls I know, had to be less than who they truly are so as to satisfy their boyfriends, or rather their male chauvisnist KINGKONG pigs' boyfriends who cannot accept girls who are better than them. Some people have to be less than who they are so as to not be viewed as a stuck up bitch or ass. So moral of the story is to stop being yourself, stop achieving success, change yourself to someone who is perhaps useless or someone lousy or get persecuted if you are not lousy enough. How much use is this to anyone really?

Somehow, I can't help but to think this world's full of sadists, sadists who derives pleasure from watching others struggle the same way as they are struggling, it is perhaps easier to connect with others who are struggling the same way as you are or with those who suffer worse fate than yours.

Trick to life?

Stay afloat, amidst all the chaos, lawlessness, uncertainties and so on.

It is those who stay afloat and thus alive that matters, not those who sunk, those will be forever buried in the sea and nobody will ever remember them, what's left of them anyway?

Can a relationship really be a relationship when the people involved in it don't actually want each other as much as they should? Can it really be considered a relationship when people somewhat settled for one another because of pragmatic reasons and not because of chemistry? Can we really call the relationship we have with others one when we somewhat chose to settle for less and that lesser of a partner is somewhat your other half in that relationship?

Some of my pretty good friends told me outright, straight in my face, without even any hint of embarrassment, that they have indeed settled for less in their own relationships. I am not saying any of them should feel embarrassed for their decisions and choices, it is afterall them who are emotionally involved with someone, not me. Their confessions struck me like bolts of lightning, for once, I was, in a very long time, dumbfounded. Utterly shaken by the actuality of reality.

For a very very long time, I've been trapped in my own utopia, a fantasy like world which I've created at the back of my head, where love without the special chemistry will simply not exist, where being just compatible (in every aspects, from intellectuality to living styles and standards etc) just won't do, something more is needed. The anxiety attacks whereby one will suffer just by thoughts of meeting that someone special or even just daydreams of that person alone, the butterflies in your stomach conjured up by accidental contact with that special someone and so on are all pre-requisites in order for someone like me to start seeing someone. Wild explosions, getting all shy and extremely happy just by one glance shot at me by that special someone is somewhat something I've always kept in my playground, my utopia. Yes, I am seeking for that adrenaline rush feeling.

Quixotical? Not necessarily, I believe such wonderment exists so long as you are willing to wait for it. That coming from me must be certainly a surprise since I am more popularly known as a pragmatist, shouldn't I be more down to earth and face reality and admit that people do settle for less when it comes to relationship. Well I do accept that, but that does not mean I have to give up my own pursuit for the knock my socks off relationship.

I don't think it is ever wrong to settle for less when it comes to relationships, however I do think one will ultimately be at the losing end if he/she decides to ever do so, for one, he/she will never be able to experience the euphoria of a blow me away relationship, and secondly you'll never know what's really out there because you are too afraid to really venture out and see if you'll ever find the legendary mermaids living under the sea and I can really go on and on about this but I'll just stop here with a thirdly, thirdly, you'll probably never feel the excitement and sparks in your relationship, for you people, it might just be a monotonous roller coaster ride.

Some ex-classmate of mine once said this to me, "I would love to meet your future boyfriend, he must be someone really special", I remember asking why she said that and to that she replied, 'because you want more out of life', that coming from someone who don't really know me that well. Makes me really wonder if I am indeed that obvious or is she a gypsy, I would really wish it's the latter, damn cool to have a gypsy friend can?

Hi everyone,

I'm taking a break from this space for about 2 weeks, will have more stuff to entertain when I am back.

Also, for people who have been accessing my blog with vivacious-oomph.com, you guys can now set the addy to gwendoliv.blogspot.com as I am no longer continuing the subscription of the web hosting.

best regards
livvy

Tony Blair's Historic Third Term - Bravo Blair! Well done!

I woke up this morning checking the results of the election, feeling all so pleased and happy that my favourite politician, Tony Blair has won the third term of the election. This is no mean feat, afterall no labour party has ever won three consecutive election term.

Now all of you who are unhappy about this result and who might too think at the same time I have gone mad supporting someone who advocates war and all that, hold that thought now. I for one am not a supporter of war. One thing I dislike about this entire election is the focus on what Blair has supposedly done wrong in participating in the war, I mean who are you to justify whether the war is right or wrong? I don't agree with the justification made by the British government however I believe the war can be justified based on the premises that Saddam's regime is one that is repressive, oppressive and causes nothing but hardship to people. Do any of you have a single clue as to what the sons of Saddam and he himself has committed against their own subjects? Sure, you are right to say, this is still wrong because how can countries just intervene when a regime is repressive, shouldn't we all just mind our own business? Ok valid point made and for one, I do agree US politics are ever so nosey with other states' affairs but still I support the war in the name of greater good, compassion for humanity, in spite of all the lawlessness that went on in the regime for awhile. I am no massacrer and no butcher, mind you.

Another thing I hate about what some of the Britons have said about supporting any other party except for Labour because "we should send out a clear indication that this country has no tolerance for massacrer". Gosh people, you sure understand your electoral power placed firmly in your hands but do you actually know how to use it? By supporting other parties by which you have no intention of doing so but the reason why you voted for them is all because you disagree with Blair's views on iraq war is being plain childish, stupid and abuse of your own electoral power which the politicians try so desperately to woo. Do you know that this single day is the only day by which you can exercise your powers as a citizen effectively and vote for whichever party that will effectively be the government in power. Why are your views that myopic people? Iraq war is a thing of the past that happened and yes you are entitled to your views that it is morally wrong and you don't like it, but don't vote for other ineffective government just to spite Labour. Consider properly as to what is it about Labour you don't like and what is it that you like about Labour, weigh all the pros and cons up, consider the past achievements and promises made by the party, consider their current manifestos and then decide. By doing so you would have given yourself enough credit to moan and groan if the taxes do inflate in near future when you clearly voted for a party that advocates no inflation of taxes. I mean, come on look at the bigger picture, not just an angle of the picture.

Another relevant point with regards to this election, which I particularly find distasteful is some of the Britons' laziness to vote, if you don't bother voting for the party which its manifestos supports better NHS services and that party don't win the election, should nothing be done about NHS services, can you then still complain? Moan and moan is what everyone else is doing and what they only know how to do when they don't even bother contributing their own votes to make their stand and expect things to go their way, what kind of warped logic is this man? You believe in something, you go out and advocate it, you want something, you go get it, you do nothing and expect something to happen your way, fat hope is all I have to say.

Another distasteful point of this elections is the abuse of ethnicity as well as religion. Many has claimed that Iraq war is not just a war but a war on muslims, give me a break. COME ON, what the hell is wrong with your puny brains, it has nothing to do with ethnicity and religion, it was a war supposedly declared against "weapons of mass destruction", stop abusing religion and ethnicity. That was a war against Iraq, a war against weapons of mass destruction, THIS is an ELECTION, where people should not go on a rampage and scath bitterly at Blair over the iraq war, surely the issues Labour party is set on sorting out are something of current interests and something which matters more and what is it with you people for crying out disrespect for ethnicity and religion when there are already legislations set up to protect you? This reminds me of Omarosa in the Apprentice, yes the black woman who cried discrimination when none of such issues arose during the show, I am sure all of you will agree with that if you've watched that season of the Apprentice.

On an ending note, I am so pleased with Blair's triumph! Me likey! Let's hope for better NHS services and oh to a better chamber of House of Lords whereby 92 of the remaining hereditary peers will say bye bye to their posts! *Celebrates* Ahahaha, maybe i should go set up a Blair fansite

He made me realised how important it is for one to stay true to oneself and how much I've been trying to be someone else whom I think is much better than my real self. I guess to a certain extent, I really don't want to be labelled as arrogant and stuck up like the past but to another extent that actually is a good thing and that is being myself I guess. I was not born to be arrogant or even aloof, I just am not exactly that friendly but I've been learning how to be friendly and I guess my attempts have somewhat been too over the top.

I guess I should start being the real me all over again, don't want to give the wrong impressions again. I need to start reverting back. I can still be friendly but not so friendly and accessible anymore. I don't want to be everyone's best friend.

I should not be sorry that I am no longer the other person whom I thought I can become, friendly, approachable and accessible to everyone. I should start living my own life as I've always wanted to and avoid all social stigma or even expectations to enjoy my lifelong roller coaster. Why is it so hard to practice what I preach sometimes, I really wonder. I should not be ashame to be myself, else things are just going to get harder for me.

Sometimes when something good happens to us, we need to believe that we deserve them. Yes, it is hard isn't it? Especially when you think so lowly of yourself and constantly beat your inner self up. Trust me, we all have such moments, by that I mean every single one of us breathing and walking on this blue planet. Surely there is something good inside of you anyway.

If you don't believe that you are well worth the good thing that comes your way, nobody will believe you are worth it. Only by believing that you do deserve the good thing will you truly own that moment and validate your self worth. As I always say, existence of oneself is more often than not the true validation of self worth. Love yourself, in every way, pay no attention to what people have to say about you, you need to show them the way to look at you and how to respect you, starting with your very self.

I know whenever things go wrong, friends who care wants to be there for me and every now and then they would like to fix me and pick up the broken pieces I left behind. I appreciate all of that, however one thing everyone needs to realise is I don't need anyone else to fix me, I basically fix myself, growing dependent on others is simply not the way to live. I am a soldier, I fight all the time, yes there may be moments when I felt completely lost, confused, upset and even beaten but I never give up, there will always be something somewhere worth fighting for, yes somewhere. I might say 101 things to make myself feel miserable but that does not mean I will ever give up, if I do, I make sure it is for the right reasons.

I had a miserable day yesterday but when a new day starts, I am all ready to start a new battle again. I am unbreakable, nobody can break me, for I am a soldier who lives my life the way I want to and yes discourage me all you want, make me feel miserable but don't just stop there and think yes, I've beaten her inside out, she's given up. No, I am terribly sorry, don't think of me that way, don't insult me for who I am that way, I will somehow fight my way back and you can be sure of that. Sure I might have tons of bruises here and there, whimpering as you thrust another blow at me, but that is all temporary.

I don't know how relevant is this but anyway, Sebas and I had a long chat the other day over the phone, debating about what I've been doing for the society which I'm currently involved with, he like everyone else thinks that I have been wasting a lot of my time to put things together and perhaps I did waste some time on the society but it was what I needed to do. I for one, don't believe in the theory that there will always be someone there to do the job, if everyone were to think that way, then where the hell is that someone who is supposed to be there doing the job?

The world is a place full of irresponsible individuals who are basically selfish and cannot be bothered to do their job and these people are the slackers and when they don't do their job, someone else might have to do them because it might be a team project or something which involves other people, slackers slack because they know they can and why are we encouraging them to slack by doing their share of work? Simple, because it concerns us too, if they don't get the job done and we don't cover them, consequence will most probably end up with you being affected, which is why you do the dirty job for them. Smart asses? Maybe. Me the fool because I cover their asses, uh uh, I don't think so, I am only doing it because it concerns me, if it doesn't, I say good luck to them all and live my life as per normal, no time for such losers anyway. Think of me as the fool who dedicated her time to the society, think of me as someone who is stupid but hey, I don't care, I do what I have to do and that is what I've always been taught, responsiblity. Sure what kind of responsiblity are we talking about when you are covering people's asses. Well look at it this way, the world's full of slackers, if you can't seem to find ways to get them move their butts then instead of thinking of you being the silly fool covering their ass, just think of them as losers by birth who can never seem to get things done and sadly, in the long run or the long marathon also known as life, you will be the one who reap the most benefits out of everything. Words of comforts? Nah, it is just practicing what I always preach, if you don't like something, change it, if you can't change the way you think about it.

They say whatever campaigns that politicians are running, no matter how good they look on the surface, no matter how much good they seem to be doing to us or even just other less well provided for people, they are nothing but shams and too one of the means to achieve the end-results, to receive as many votes as possible. Ah yes, the clever politicians who has been playing the game of manipulation and temptation, by doing something or by giving us something that we want, they get their votes. It does not take a genius to realise, while they were campaigning for the good of mankind or what have you, they are actually one step closer to achieve what they have set out to achieve. They are the despicable scums dressed in suits and earning high salaries who carefully blindfolded us, citizens, so skillfully that we thought it was night when it was just the blindfold doing the trick.

"Scums", you say, everything is not about the people but themselves, they are all trying to achieve their own objectives through us, but then again so what? Who in the world can say that they have never done anything with a cleverly hidden agenda? I say, nobody. We've been busy catching the dirty politicians playing the game but isn't this a game we all play too? Isn't this just an issue of how good you are at hiding your secret agenda? Food for thought?

Conceited, contemptuous people who takes relationships for granted ought to know something, relationships between human beings are never constant, neither is it always there, it can be broken as easily as it was first built.

Nobody waits around for people indefinitely, people linger around a while longer after break ups but that does not mean they will always be there for the heart breakers at the end of the day. So contemptuous people, whoever you are, who has nothing but excessive high regards for yourself who thinks that your ex lovers will always be there for you when you are ready, please pull up your socks and wake up and get this straight, you are replaceable and base on the fact that you only allow yourself to make the decision to get back when you are ready or work on the relationship when you are ready, you are hardly worth the wait and don't even think about it for even 1 second, you just need to know that someone as selfish and self-absorbed as you don't deserve whatever you expect.

I just learnt that if someone trusts you, they trust you, if they don't, every negligible thing that you have said or done, which might be completely innocent but it all became so not innocent because opportunists who are there to discredit your character and personality turned things around, or added their own unjustified interpretation of what your actions meant and turn that someone against you. Basically in short everything will discredit you if someone don't trust you.

Yes maybe sometimes we will all doubt the supposedly trusted ones at a certain point based on hearsay, but at the end of the day you need to evaluate what kind of person that person who tells you about what your trusted friend has said or done is, you need to ask yourself how much do you trust that trusted friend of yours, is it enough to give him/her enough credit to trust that he/she will never say or do anything like that? If still in doubt and provided that trusted person is important enough, you probably might want to go to him/her and talk things through and see what he/she has to say before disposing them conveniently.

If the informer is some kind of double-faced whore, don't even bother about what they say really, if right from the start you have doubts in that same person, don't bother trusting him/her, because at the end of the day, the only fool will be you and your trusted friend, not them.

When you and I were babies long time ago, did we ever give up learning how to walk? Did we ever stop grasping the technique to walk like our parents? Sure, we crawled before we walked. We might have stumbled here and there, went all wobbly and fell so many times that our butts were sore but we never stopped trying did we? Yes, we were brave little beings when we entered the world, yes, just by the very fact we never stopped trying and that got us all walking around, progressing eventually to running around.

But are you still the same old you now? Well, probably not, we stopped trying a lot of different things as we grow older. Was it the naivety instilled in us then that kept us trying, was it the same set of ignorance that kept us going? I think so. It seems like as we grow older, we tend to be less courageous, we tend to restrict ourselves to trying new things, we tend to hold back a little because we need to establish what we are doing is normal so as to guarantee ourselves that we won't be laughed at if we attempt this. Of course, some of us are risk takers but like I said, its some, not all. So what is it that stole our courage away? Awareness of society's perceptions of what is normal. Perhaps it is too because, giving up without attempting is sometimes the safest option, at least you didn't try and fail and allow everyone to laugh at you but what happens if you managed to pull it off, irrespective of the consequences, you are a winner by attempting and if you pull yourself together and attempt the walk again, people will somehow never look at you the same way again. They know for a fact that you are one hell of a person, you believe in your convictions, you either give up after trying because you know its impossible, or you continue working on it till you succeed, either way, they would admire you for the strength they lack in, that is to try.

Then again there is this category of people who give up before they even try, because they received feedback from the vast majority that their ideas will never materialise because they said so and trust me half of the population let these people get to them and they give up before even trying. Well these people are certainly weaklings, yes of course, there is a fine line between striving for the impossible and the possible, but who is to say what you are attempting is impossible until you tried that out? Ignore those idiots who tells you, it is impossible because based on their experiences, that can never happen. Well to hell with them, a long time ago, people told Richard Brandson that his dream to launch Virgin Galactic is impossible, did he bother about what was said? No and in fact, he is in the midst of preparing launching Virgin Galactic in the next 5 years. Now how's that?

Criticisms, critcisms and more criticisms are what people have to offer, day and night, all year round, 365 days, 24/7, everyone just knows how to criticise without offering solutions. All they ever know is judge, judge, judge and give more and more of those useless advices, advices and more advices and all those weak people ever do is take in all that is said and stop trying. Somehow these people's calling is just to heed the advice from the supposedly wise majority and give up, they are unexceptional, and did I mention, great followers? This is too what sets entrepreneurs/leaders and employees apart. These people lack the mental fortitude to press on in whatever they believe in and hey when you believe in something, give it at least a shot, that is the least credit you can give to your own ideas and dreams.

Nobody will be there to tell you what gives you great success, you have to work hard towards it and oh yes find it first. Be innovative, creative, be different because that is what sets you apart from the rest of the pack. Nobody can predict what will happen in life and nobody should ever have a right to tell you what you should do with your life or plans you have in life, just who the hell do they think they are?

My ex hallmate, despite being naughty and crazy the way she is, she is unique and she don't really give a damn as to what people think about her. For that I respect her for who she is. She chose to do textiles and designing regardless of what others have told her like how she can make a better living after university if she was to choose a business degree or anything that is in demand but textiles and designing? What can she do with it? Well lots, if you were to ask me, she has the talent in designing clothes, talent in art and basically that is her strength, why is it that everyone don't see that and they try to make them see the world from their perspective rather than trying to see the world from her views? If she has a talent in art and designing, she could jolly well carve a niche and get a hell of a career out of designing, for all you know, she might even be the next Marc Jacobs (the female version though). She exudes differentness, a sort of charm that you don't find in everyone these days. Everyone from long long time ago wanted to be different individuals, they have their own sophiscated thoughts and ideologies, but now? Everyone is just so mainstream, adhering to society's views and the general crowd's ideas and opinions, compromising their convictions to normalcy, giving up when people tells them what they are going to embark on is impossible, giving up without even trying.

Answer, strangely, your very self. Because you allow, what the society perceives as what is normal, get to you and because you never give more credit than you actually are worth to yourself, how can you ever live a life that is fulfilling and belongs to you? Put it simply, you are living a life that is defined by people to be a life, rather than living a life that you define as life and your life that is. How much is the life defined by all others but yourself worth at face value? A grand total of, ZERO, yes repeat after me, ZERO, again let's do it together one last time, ZERO. Somebody please help me understand how not to look down on these people who lack the mental fortitude because seriously I cannot comprehend what kind of life that is. Sometimes I get so sick of seeing people compromising their views just to so call fit in when there is no such "in" for them to fit into. Striving for normalcy is sometimes just dumb, you are who you are and don't try to change the fact that you are different, you cannot just live your life like every dead dictated zombies in this pathetic world. As if a material world is not sad enough, a pathetic world where you are trying to be everyone else is just inexplicable state of hopelessness.

My advice to you all? Never stop trying. Never stop believing in yourself. Live a life not just live. Don't be afraid to be different. Live a life for yourself, not for others. Attempt on what you think is possible and screw everyone else's views, they don't matter anyway. It's hard but you'll enjoy it.

When I was young, I was kind of always hanging out with lots of boys of around my age who lives down the block or in the same block. We do silly things like catching worms, climbing trees all sorts of funny and sometimes dangerous stunts, I enjoyed them anyway.

I remembered playing tug-o-war with a boy when I was 9 years old, he was a neighbour's friend's son. It started out as a friendly match kind of thing, but it turned ugly when I won the one on one tug-o-war against this boy because he pushed me because he lost. I refused to be treated badly and I know for a fact that if I allow him to push me like that, he will continue to bully me. Hence I pushed him harder and made sure he fell to the ground with just one push. That sent him crying and into his mum's arms, whining and moaning about how I bulied him.

Then when I was 15 or 16, back in secondary school, during a confrontational session about some stupid girl problems, which are strangely never found in boys' relationship with one another as friends, someone wanted to stand up for this girl and threatened to wack me if I continue to talk. Instead of shutting my trap, I took one step forward towards that girl till her face and my face were just 6 inches away and I told her "Go ahead". She flung her bag on the table and attempted to hit my face but instead I was the one who managed to slapped her real hard and dodged her attempt. She cried after that, but do i really care? No. Because the concept of life is, you never allow someone to pick on you, not especially in front of a crowd, because the rest of the pack will just all take their turn and have a go at bullying you.

These 2 incidents not just showed me how I must retaliate when treated badly but too taught the two that in life, you can always pick on someone but just remember that someone may not let you get away with it and sometimes, more often than not, they will kick your ass back and shut your trap and keep you where you really belong.

Reflections

This is something new I am attempting to do for my blog, I've decided in order to prevent repeating myself over and over and over again, I decided to keep track of what I post by taking note of what I've been posting and perhaps do a reflections entry every time I feel like it's about time to. So regulars who have been reading my stuff will just probably have to bear with such entries.

Past few months, have been nothing but jam packed with negative emotions, I have been on a palpitating and overwhelming emotional roller coaster ride, some very strange thoughts about life will possess me every now and then and realisation of such shocking, stark naked facts and truth can be sometimes that scary and this feeling is not something one would like to really experience. It has been a dolorous period. I bitched about plastics, I questioned about almost everything, I then continue moaning and moaning about how I feel and finally the long awaited moment has arrived, I am all ready to move on. Moving on are probably the two of the most frequently used words by me, I like to move on and it's like my pet phrase kind of thing. I have had ups and downs, I have been vulnerable, I might have been browbeaten by my thoughts, but hey on the bright side, I have survived them all. You know how it is like with life, sometimes when we are going through some difficulties, no matter how upset or worried we may feel, somehow a part of us know, we will get through this and we always do, don't we? I think moments of desperations and helplessness are somehow very enlightening experiences, only having countered them will you be able to say "hey look, I am proof that everything is possible!" How cool is that? Simply love this concept. At the end of the day, what kept me going are my parents and my positivity, somehow I can manage to make everything seem not so bad. That's perhaps the best gift I've ever had.

So who's google-ing / yahoo-ing you now?

What do you do when you need to look for a long lost friend these days? Well you can either log on to your friendster account and search for that person or just go googling or yahooing that person on the www. Unbelievable? Well folks, I've just been googled & yahooed not once but thrice this year. What on earth? Seriously, I have no idea how people can actually go about googling and yahooing for some people and the best part is they actually manage to find that person through their BLOG! My gawd, what have I exposed myself to man, I mean really, I didn't even include any surname of mine while signing up for this blog and I used pseudonymous name like gwendoliv and strangely type out my full name and there my blog is, the very first link on the search page of yahoo.

No wonder all that warning for people who badmouth their employers in their blogs should becareful as for all they know, one fine day their employers may just chance upon their blogs and give them the sack (Well in the olden days, the relationship between employers and employees are that of master and servants and the servants lived with the employers until they are given the sack to pack up and go when they are dismissed)

It is just not very encouraging sometimes knowing how vulnerable I actually am on the net, how exposed I am actually when I post an entry or create something on the net but then again I chose to expose myself by creating this blog, so well, no complains or whatsoever. It just scares the bejesus out of me sometimes knowing that someone out there on the world wide web is yahoo-ing or googling me but then again I'm not the sole object that orbits around people's world.

Tommorow always come but will everything remain the same tommorow? Things changes, all the time, if there's any more useful thing I've ever learnt is the only one constant in life is changes. We all know life's unpredictable, nothing stays the same but yet we still enjoy taking things, in particular, people for granted. We never know how to treasure people around us until they are gone and when they are gone, we try to make things up but sometimes we all know somethings are very breakable and fragile and once broken, it's as good as destroyed forever.

I think relationships between people are that fragile and that easily breakable. A friendship I have once treasured a lot was gone because I got sick of proving to my friend I was her worthy and true friend who will be there to catch her when she falls, I got sick of waiting for her to see I am worth it. I moved on with my life without her and then voila ici! One fine day, she was enlightened, she seemed to have understood the special bond we once shared was so unique and something she should have learnt how to treasure before I decided to move on, but like I said, I have then moved on, it was all too late, it is difficult sometimes to really mend the broken mirror when there's so many cracks on it or even if there is just one, its bad enough. I know that as much as I enjoyed the times we have once spent together and all the happy memories we have given one another, I know things will never be the same again. I've tried to put all the negative things I felt about her behind me, behind us, but its not possible, for somehow the pain inflicted was then too much for me to bear, it is still now, it's like how I think back and remember those happy times we've once spent doing crazy things, driving each other bananas, all the petty fights and naturally the pain and hurtful choice she made over someone else and how she has once taken me for granted, will all too be remembered. It is hard for her to comprehend why I am not willing to really put myself out there for her again, because she don't know how much she once meant to me and how much hurt I've felt before finally moving on.

I don't think anyone on this planet, in their right frame of mind would appreciate the fact that they have all been taken granted by someone, be it a friend, the special someone, anyone actually. Somehow I think the younger me has always been placed in such situations of allowing people to take me for granted because of my niceties. I used to be always there for people around me and that was stupid. I figured people enjoying treating people as insignificant when they are always there for them and why should I be the fool who's always willing to welcome people into my open arms when they are in need? Hence, I morphed into someone else, I no longer want to be there for people for all times, I don't get anything out of all these, sadly as much as you all like to criticize me for being such a meanie, just ask yourself, will you want to get yourself in a relationship, be it between friends or bgr kind of relationship knowing that you will be the one giving and never receiving? There we go! It's not wrong to be considerate to yourself, for in this world, by being too considerate to others' feelings will do you no good at the very end of the day if that person don't reciprocate, we have to right our own injustice by being considerate to our very selves. People like you and me need to understand, tommorow always comes but no one thing stays the same tommorow, the sun may have been up today but it does not necessarily mean the sun will rise tommorow, someone might be waiting for you today but just tommorow, he/she might have just decided to give up the wait and move on for something worse or better, your friend today might be your foe tommorow, such is life, full of changes. Pity your soul if you lose something the very next day, pity it only when you never treasure it.

I think changes are good sometimes and I really welcome them sometimes despite they might sometimes be too radical for my own good, sometimes I feel almost sad that things have to turn out the way they did and such invokes powerful perplexing and sorrowful thoughts. But then again, this all teaches me how to really cherish every moment of my life and the people around me and sometimes just reminiscing the times we've spent are sometimes good enough, these will be memories stored in my heart, for le coeur, qui est la source de la mémoire (the heart is the source of memories) Will you survive changes? Yes you will, what don't kill you, only makes you stronger.

Never settle for the path of least resistance

I'm down to my last paper, which is the employment paper and well am kinda looking forward to it in a good way, I just want to sit for it, ace that paper and move one step closer to what I've set out to accomplish. I sound really positive, don't I?

But just yesterday, the 'me' whom everybody knows just wasn't herself. I was defeated or rather I felt defeated and I felt I've wasted my parents' time and I haven't been doing what I can, that is to excel. My own laziness almost caused me a huge price to pay. Why was I feeling that depressed? Well, it all boils down to this paper called EC Law paper which I had to take as a mandatory requirement. I didn't put any effort into trying to learn what EC Law is about until it's too late for my own good, which is during the christmas break. I went back home for about a month or so and during the first week I actually sat down and studied EC Law and remarkably I understood what the big fat green textbook more commonly known as craig and de burca was saying and I was actually interested in the subject but due to the flu I've caught, I kind of stopped at chapter 2 of that big fat daunting green book and because time was passing by so quickly and because tommorow ALWAYS come and my first paper was the one subject I enjoyed quite a fair bit and was also the paper which I want to get my 2:1 for that, I kissed EC goodbye and wave a warm hello to this other purplish blackish textbook better known as hanbury and completely abandoned EC.

Was planning to cover EC within 2 days after my first paper for its due 2 days after the first, bad planning, terribly bad. I fell terribly tired and sick on the first day thus didn't accomplish much save for touching the bit on free movement of goods and the second day I got up at 6am and from the moment my eyelids defied gravity and the moment I wake up, I started studying like a mad woman from 6am to 1am, taking 1 hr break for lunch and 15mins for dinner and perhaps 45 mins running around my tiny little room to stretch abit. You see the golden rule about revising is, you have to REVISE not START LEARNING and the thing about leaving things to last minute is you usually screw them up and yesterday was the worst day of my life.

You see the thing about me is I am usually very lazy when it comes to studying and I've always maintained that attitude towards my academic all the way till one year after my O levels, for some strange reason I actually pulled my socks up and was somehow enlightened by how much potential I have in me to accomplish what I want, the only condition is if only I TRY. So yes, back to yesterday, yesterday I was cramming perhaps 6 weeks of EC stuff into my head and because I gotten so tired by the time the clock strikes 9pm, which is actually my bedtime, I started tearing. Yes, I felt as though I am going to fail this paper because I simply cannot remember what I've covered, I looked at past year papers at least 10 times and started crying and I said to myself, I am not going to make it this time. I then questioned myself why didn't I take the advice of this lecturer of mine back in some institution in Singapore, why don't I just go to some lousy university and 'be the star of the faculty' (yes in his own words) and graduate with a first class degree, why do I even think I can excel in a top 10 law school in UK? WHY? WHY? WHY? I hated myself for making that decision and that was at 9.10pm, this is actually not something new, I've said this a million times to some other friends when I complain how bad EC is and blah blah but I forgotten how enjoyable I found it a read when I went back and sat down, put aside the discriminatory feelings I have for that big fat textbook and just sat there sipping a cup of tea, enjoying the read and I forgotten the reasons why I chose to put the 4 top law school choices on my ucase (ok let me be honest, I did include 2 average universities as safety nets), because the Livia then believe in herself, because people who love me and knows me the best believe in me and I told myself then, life's all about trying so I applied and received the said offers, one of which is the institution which I am currently in. I made the choice to enter a good law school because I believe I can, because I have the potential, because I dream, because I have such dear wishes I want to carry out, because if I have to go to some lousy law school and excel in that, there will then be no pride or self-worth value for myself. There will then be nothing to feel proud of. I wanted challenges and here it is staring right at me. I gave myself 2 tight slaps and I continued the battle and I must tell you, from that point onwards, I somehow, quite strangely understood what I've studied so far and remembered what I've covered back home. I thought about my parents, my father and my mother, the more I think about them, the more resentment I have, when you compare both my parents and myself, they put me to shame, my father for one, is a very determined and strong person, he has a strong conviction in whatever he believes in and he will never give up till the result or outcome is finite, he for one is one such man who will fight till his very last breath and my mum on the other hand is one who is never afraid to try anything new, never afraid to fall down and pick herself up and learn whatever she was trying to learn all over again (ok this is a little like my dad too, no wonder they are so compatible) and me? I am just one spoilt brat who just crumbles when everything seems too much for me to take. (Ok although I've sat for my EC paper and the outcome of it is still unknown, I am still pretty happy that I gotten my act altogether and fought till the very end, its like they always say, its the journey that matters)

The mere thought of falling short of two very important people's expectations, well not really expectations but convictions in me just made me terribly upset and I know that if they've heard all that rubbish I've said, they will be disappointed in me so I told myself, do not disappoint people whom you love and hold so dearly to your heart, you are just not making things work for you, please concentrate and please fight till the very end, only then will you not be sorry. A good scolding I gave myself sent me back in the arms of that big fat daunting green textbook and well it now seems to me that in life, you can only set out to be the best and you will be the best if you believe in yourself, if you always take the route that's well-travelled by all others, you'll be like everyone but you are not everyone, you enjoy being irreplaceable, not interchangeable, you have to 'never fear those mountains in the distance, never settle for the path of least resistance, living might mean taking chances but they are worth taking' and this is what I've finally understood and will live with for the rest of my life. I hope the rest of you who once fell in the arms of despair will find this encouraging, nothing's impossible, not trying means everything's impossible. I guess its true that we all have our moments of desperation, helplessness and mixture bag of emotions of nothing but negative emotions but hey you know what, heck those, face them head on and fight bravely, it is then when you discover your own strength (something I heard somewhere but cannot remember where) and oh 'give faith a fighting chance' and good luck everyone in whatever you all do.

Dear friends and people who are reading my blog,

My site's still on hiatus, I am writing just to make an appeal to you all to make a generous donation to the victims who were struck by the tidal waves that hit asia, the regions which many call their home. Every little bit counts, we all can make a difference, many times we feel sympathy and pity for people who have been hit by natural disasters but don't just feel sorry, do something. Provide some assistance to them and make a difference, at the very least, you know you have helped someone who needs assistance badly and together we can create miracles, be the pillar of strength for these people, let them know someone out there on this blue planet actually cares for them. I think the best gift now which we can all give is money, nothing else really matters, please donate generously, pool some money together with your friends and family, make donations to the Singapore Red Cross Society or American Red Cross Society, Oxfam etc today. Do your bit. I know I have contributed, what about you?

Hi everyone,

here's wishing you all a merry christmas in advance and well I'll be taking a break (once again) from this space till mid-jan when my exams are over. Have a good holiday.

cheers
livvy

Networking - a really good tool

I was just chatting with a friend of mine the other day and we were just talking about the number of job opportunities one can get with his/her 2:1 or 1:1 and somehow we digressed and chat abit more about networking, tool or dirty act?

I think at a certain point of our life, we all feel networking is some kind of underhanded, despicable, morally wrong thing to do, I know I did but not anymore. Stop whining there like a baby crying out loud the words "it's unfair" incessantly, life's never fair, too bad cry baby. Everything you do involves people, knowing how to network (i.e. who to approach to ask for help or even get things done your way) is what makes the world go round. Networking, aka the ability to pull strings is quite actually a privilege, you sometimes gain such privilege or priority in life from the relationships your family members formed with others, you sometimes gain such privilege from the relationships you yourself established with others and technically, there's some effort involved, its just a matter of direct (your own connections) or indirect (through your family members), nothing to go hopping around like a mad rabbit. Life's a bitch but I love living it.

Theme of the month - Plastics

A not so shocking discovery, PLASTICS ARE EVERYWHERE and by that I don't mean our good ol' Ah lians or Ah hueys who are somehow by far better than the average plastics because, they simply don't pretend, they ask you the damn question of "Kua simi Kua" (literal translation: What are you looking at? It can also mean "What's your problem")

You see alot of Singaporeans I know of, including my friends, think ah lians and plastics mean the same thing but behold! THEY ARE NOT THE SAME. Plastics are people, typically girls, who goes around trying to be everybody's best friend (when they are not) and they are also the most odious bunch of people who are not only two-faced (somebody please hand them the oscar award man) but also damn good at backstabbing, they might well too be the one causing all the gossip uproar in your little community of friends. Right, as I was saying, the two are not the same, you see ah lians and ah hueys (we call the young one juvenile delinquents but the old ones gangsters' girlfriends) sometimes do have better personality than the PLASTICS because there is no need for them to pretend to be what or even who they are not, they can even trash things out with you should you offend them and well simply don't have the time to play the game of "who is Miss Popularity" or even the time to go around backstabbing you.

Plastics are the conniving ones, they scheme and plot against you, oust you out of their community or even your community, when you offend them. Sophiscated wackos? Well maybe so, but they probably spent half their time plotting and the other half executing the plans that the plans they had come up with had to work? Sometimes I really pity the plastics, they can be all shiny and attractive, but do they own a soul? Probably not, they might have given their soul away when they swore to their sisterhood of plastic-ship that they will be plastics till the very end and nobody can rip the plastics apart because they were never ever together. Ask me if I envy their popularity, absolutely not, why would I wanna envy people who firstly, don't have a soul, secondly, feels lonely and empty inside out and ever so insecure about themselves that they have to make others look bad in order to soothe their ego and thirdly, people who don't have any real friends around? Would I rather have a plastic as my friend, well absolutely not, who needs plastics when you can have mattel's barbie and ken?

Haha I am going nuts...

Ever wonder why people simply enjoys putting you down?
Ever wonder why people don't tell the truth about how they feel?
Ever wonder people likes to play the game of deceit?
Ever wonder why people spread insidious rumours?
Ever wonder why people create conflicts between people?
Ever wonder why you stop trusting people?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you lost an emotional bet?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you lose friends because of misunderstandings or rumours, which you don't even get to defend yourself?
Ever wonder what are you ever gonna do if you lose the courage to stand tall and continue fighting for what you believe in?
Ever wonder what's going to happen if you stop believing in what you used to believe?
Ever wonder what the hell is going to happen to you emotionally and physically when all you've held dear to your heart's all shattered?

on a break for a week.....

"There are days when I feel the best of me is ready to begin
And they're days when I feel i'm letting go and soaring on the wind
Cause i've learned in laughter or in pain how to survive" - Jaci Velasque, On my Knees

This is what I truly feel right now. I am all ready to stop crying, pick myself up and move on. Really, I am willing to put all that has happened behind me and just move on. It doesn't matter who once did me wrong, who once betrayed my trust, who once manipulated me, who once duped me, they are all over and I am glad I am still me, still here as me and even though there are days when I've broke down and cried because I couldn't take it anymore but those are just moments when I felt vulnerable and miserable but there's more to life and living. I don't just want to survive, I want to live, I crave to rise above all difficulties and I will keep on fighting and when you feel someday you have nothing to hold on to, just remember you have yourself to take care and account to, and for that I'll keep on fighting.

Today was a really cold and foggy day, it is one of those days which you would just like to stay in or hop on a bus to thaw yourself since its so freaking cold and I absolutely hate the idea of walking around when its so cold and guess what, there are still beggars on the street asking for spare change (that is a nicer way to beg for money I guess).

Sometimes I wonder, if the beggars on the street are sad and/or hungry everyday? To be snubbed away repeatedly many times a day is definitely a horrible feeling, especially when it is so cold out there now. Makes me wonder, if someone out there cries for help, what are the chances of them being heard and assisted? I feel really sad for these people sometimes but sometimes the reasons why I refuse to help them is because they are using these monies for drugs and other vices like drinking, smoking etc, makes me wonder again, if it is really worth empathying them. Life is such, full of contradictions.

“Some backstab each other and threaten to settle their differences with a punch”
- Thomas Boswell

For those deceitful creatures doing the above-mentioned or even people who resort to violence to resolve your issues with others, do yourselves a big favour, pull up your socks and get those stupid ideas out of your head. I really hate to say this but it has always been my favourite quote, I got it off somewhere but I just cannot remember where, here goes:

"May God be with you, because he is the only one who will be there for you at the very end"

For all the lies you've told, for all the violences you've committed against others, for all the underhanded means you've gone through just to get things done your way, you are nothing but a low class creature which I don't even have any idea why I am blogging about you this low class creature who cannot seem to see beyond that puny little world of yours, I mean seriously why should I care? But seriously, if you made the mistake and you realised it, sometimes all we need from you people is just an apology, not that we are going to be all chummy again but it is to give this entire saga thing a closure. Sometimes all we need from people is acknowledgement of fault and we may well forgive that person, I know I will but obviously, like I said I will forgive you and bear no grudges but somehow we will not be as chummy as before.

The only mistake I've made this year is to tell 2 freshmen about what happened between somebody else and myself, gee what was I thinking right? Well I guess when you are being slimed all the time, and you hear them from various sources, from different people who are not closely connected to one another, you just find the need to protect yourself and sometimes you would rather tell people about what happened first, then later when the other side of the story has been told and well sometimes you don't even get to present your side of the story.

And if you would have the brains to figure things out, yes those 2 betrayed me, how would I know that? Because I only told them and it has to be them who leaked out the information, trust me I know who I tell my stuff to and also because of some things that happened which kind of pointed out to me indirectly that I was telling them stuff. You know what, I admit I have myself gossiped about the other person but I did not say anything that was not true or put words into that person's mouth and that is all I have done. I am not hurt because of some unpleasant things that happened yesterday but I am unhappy and hurt because what I was deducing actually was true and I genuinely liked these people before until everything came out, it is hurtful, I was even having doubts as to my judgment and was thinking maybe things are not the way I've imagined them to be but sadly they are, never mind, this taught me something, do not be too eager to protect yourself, let the truth speaks for itself, I've made a mistake and I have to live with it and bear it in mind and just move on. In any case, don't worry about me, I'm happy. I'm a happy girl!

I am not trying to be different, I am different, I just am.

Alot of times, people think of me as the girl who is always trying new stuff, accepting challenges, doing all sorts of things to stand out from the crowd, they all think I am trying to be different, unique in other words. Sometimes they wonder, why can't I just be like everyone else, why can't I just be like them, but I am not them, not now, not ever, will never be like them.

I sail away from the safe harbour not to prove anything or even my self-worth, my existence is the best proof of my self-worth, I sail away from the safe harbour far too many times because I want to see what exactly lies beyond these safety limits, I want to experience life the best way I can, I want to push myself to the limit and that is life for me, sure I demand alot from my life but who doesn't? People who lack the guts to explore and test their own mettle deserves no praise, neither do they have the right to criticise and put down those who dare to dream and live a life with no regrets.

Sure, your life can be far more glamourous than mine because you've taken the well travelled path but can you derive as much satisfaction as I can? Far too many times have we seen successful people leading a empty, hollow life with zero satisfaction let alone a life filled with energy, spirit and happiness. There is one certain pleasure in life that most can't enjoy, that's the pleasure to own the freedom to be different. I don't try to be different, I just am different.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less
traveled by, And that has made all the difference." - Robert Frost

The Bee

I was watching a film in my room the other day when I heard this annoying buzzing sound which later on progressed to some repetitive soft knocks on my window and guess what I found? A bee and what was that bee trying to do? Getting out of my room.

The bee was flying to and fro, back and forth but it couldn't get out, it was perpetually knocking itself against my window when the exit was just about 2 inches beneath it, it was in fact, flying madly and furiously towards the same invisible spot marked on the window repetitively, looking fervently for the exit but never finding it, it was really the so near yet so far kind of situation. In its state of anxiety, it was unable to see the exit had it stop where it landed after its fall (which was a result of knocking itself against the window). One headless 'chicken' except it is not exactly a chicken *duhz*

The bee reminded me of people, moving around frantically 24/7, keeping themselves busy, clouding their minds, refusing to sit down, stop, ponder and wonder, take a breather and look around before doing anything else, which I suspect is one of the reason why they are often so confused, trapped and frustrated. I think humans sometimes are like computers which are either infected with virus or are suffering from some troubleshooting errors, the way to fix your computer is to sit down, calm down, take a breather, make sure you are ready before touching the computer, only when you calmed down will you be able to go through the proper step by step procedures to fix it patiently, or alternatively you can try to fix the computer in a state of panic and end result is probably you wacking the computer and surely we won't want that eh?

So people, take a break every now and then, relax a little (not too much) and see where you are heading to before moving on eh?

People always ask me the following:-

"Livvy, why do you always have to post everything you feel or rather your opinions of whatever that happens on your blog? Why would you want people to know what you think and are you not afraid that people might see right through you when you post your thoughts all on your blog?"

I thank you lot for asking these series of questions and I would like to ensure you all that I am not opening myself up for scrutiny, neither am I allowing people to understand me as a person, as who I am by voicing out my opinions on certain issues. It is fallacious to assume that one can understand what I am like just by reading my blog, no you won't be able to figure me out just by reading my blog. Because this is my blog, I control the contents of what I would allow others to read and see, you will only see a certain side of me and perhaps just my thoughts on particular incidents but definitely not understand me.

If I would already have difficulty understanding and figuring myself out sometimes, what makes you think you can really understand me just by reading my blog. This is no crash course on what Livia is like, sorry, wrong place to start. In fact there is not actually a way to understand people completely, you may be able to predict what one will do based on similar events of the past however please note that people change as time goes by so this may not be true, in any case, please kindly bear in mind of the fact that people can project whatever impression they want you to project them as sometimes.

Those who assumes they know somebody or know what somebody will do just by their perceptions or understanding up to a certain point of what they are like are those who will never accomplish much in life, it sometimes takes a lifetime to understand 3/4 of what a person is like, so this is a big mistake, real big one, and its costly to make them so refrain from making them.

So that boys can gain more weight?

Trust is defined as

"Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing"

It is probably the most important element in every relationship, betweeen parents and children, between friends, between boyfriends and girlfriends, between doctors and patients and the list goes on. And what does it take for one human being to trust another? I don't know if it is just me or everybody, but as we grow older, we find it more and more tough to trust someone, we are all, in fact turning paranoid and sometimes we doubt people's intentions when they seemed overly friendly or overly appreciative and due to some historical issues you have with someone (i.e. betrayal) you learn to trust the person alot lesser or sometimes not at all and this makes maintaining human relationships with one another much more difficult in this modern context.

Sure, it is alright to be selfish and yes let's be perfectly honest with each other, we are all selfish individuals and we all want the best for ourselves but does this mean it is alright to turn on someone, betray someone's trust in you just because it is advantageous for you to do so, to others detriment but to your advantage? I am not trying to sound noble or righteous because hell no, I am nothing like that but between people, there should be some irreducible minimum standards we should adhere to like, not breaking the trust. Sure it is just the tricks of surviving, surely you have to take care of yourself first before caring for the others, surely it is your friends or whoever's fault for confiding in you, who asked them to be so stupid?

Have you ever thought about being a credible and trustworthy individual? Have you ever thought about your reputation as a person and not just that but what kind of damage you are doing to those who trust you? Human relationships these days are like trust, breakable, fragile, sometimes you don't even know who are your friends or rather who can you call your friends, sometimes you feel like you are on a constant battle with everyone around you, constantly watching your back, you withhold frank comments, you withhold all personal information for fear of betrayal. Human tends to make things all so complicated and they just make life alot harder to live sometimes. I guess my Dad's right with his 'trust no one' philosophy, sometimes I really want to believe there are some good in people, some values in people that can make the world a better place but I am just being plain naive. Naivety brings me nothing but trouble but I blame no one for my own naivety, I have only myself to blame. Don't feel sorry for me, this is not an entry to make you guys feel sorry for me, it is just to raise your awareness about trust issues between people, if you are smart enough, you will learn something out of this. Don't write to me and ask me what happened or you are sorry to hear that because I am really not sorry that I made this mistake for if I never make mistakes I never know how to make things right.

Being Single

I'm 21 and I am single. I'm not on the prowl and believe it or not, I am happy being single, really just trust me. Recently, people around me have been posing the big 'why' question as to my status of being either single or attached and as if this is not embarassing enough, my so called chummy friends fixed me up with their supposedly good catches, oh come on people, give me some credit, surely I don't need all these unwarranted attention, shower your attention to your other half, I mean really, give me a break, my parents are not even worried about me being single and why should you? *duhz*

Sure, people at my age would already have met their special half and even the 'most disgusting ones' are attached according to my wonderful friend, Sebastian. (I'm giving you all the credit Sebas!) So what? This means I should quickly grab some random guy or in fact any guy friends of mine and seal their fate? Hell no, sorry as much as you think I should, I rather leave everything to fate, chance and opportunity.

Being single's definitely not a crime and I am enjoying every bits of freedom it entails and everything about being single right now, at this point in time, there is really nothing but all good fun! Someone told me we are all on the search for this mysterious object known as love but are we all really searching for love? There may actually exists two main categories of people, those who are on the prowl, thus constantly on the search for love or those who are not on the search for love but will not reject it if it comes along, so which category do you belong to then? For me, I believe I fall very much within the latter category.

Loneliness, age is catching up on you etc etc are simply not reasons to hook up with someone. Come on, have a little pity on the person you are flirting with, don't hurt people and waste his/her time and most importantly your time, surely you have better things to do! And if the right one's not here yet, it means you'll have to wait and hold out there alittle longer, besides all good things are worth the wait. A relationship, in my own opinion (of course you are entitled to your own so long as you don't impose yours on me) is pretty much an investment of your care and concern, patience and emotions, if you are not ready for it, you shouldn't get yourself committed because end of the day, you might just hurt yourself or others and feel get all guilt-ridden for hurting someone who is truly a gem.

Relationships these days have become so commercialised in the sense you actually have fixed a list of expectations and le désir, you meet A and you start checking against your list if he/she is of marriage material, are you both from the same social status, are you guys compatible generally on the whole and if most of the answers are positive, I'll consider and give A a chance. You see what happen to those fairy tales love stories like Cinderella and Snow White & seven dwarfs, do we even heed the implied advice given by Snow White when she sings her "Some day my prince will come, Some day my prince will come ...." no, we don't! WE tend to check our status of being single or attached against the social timeline when one should be getting ready to commit him/herself to someone, we escalate friendships and transform them to relationships thus killing every magic touch to the word 'romance'

Hey you know what, love is not a commodity, you don't get it off shelf the supermarkets after selection and comparison as to which is healthier for you, low carb etc etc, just let nature takes its own course and relax, if you are destined to be a damn bacherlor or spinster, you will be one even if you are attached now at the end of the day! So screw the social perceptions as to when you should find someone to be faithful to and really compel everyone else to see the world and how things work for you in your eyes.

ok I've digressed a little, getting back to my point, I'm perfectly normal and am not a gay, I'm single and I'm loving it so please leave me alone and don't ask me or your friends who have been single for awhile, as unfortunate as you think we are, we are actually enjoying ourselves and the reason why we might be single is perhaps because the right one is not here yet and we are still waiting for him/her to sweep us off our feet and perhaps only then we'll be willing to shack up and walk in sunsets with Mr/Ms the one for me.

Part II

Then came work, (most of us might have worked either part time or temporary during the holidays to earn some extra pocket money) you meet people who are also known as your colleagues at work and inevitably, through sheer proximity, the immense common source of pressure you guys faced complemented with the daily 8 hours or more made these people your friends for the moment till you quit. But of course, not everyone makes friends for the moment, some manage to maintain the friendships even after leaving the work place. Which sets me thinking, what is it that make someone your friend/s?

Moments spent together are perhaps one of the requirements on your 'checklist', for Isabel and me, it was the years we've spent debating and discussing issues pertaining to our lives and our direction for the future, the things we both like to do, the times we've spent laughing ourselves silly and crying ourselves silly all these and so much more, we are much more fortunate than the others because we have found each other and somehow she's my soulmate, we are also much more fortunate because of all the amazing times we've spent going on and on about things we've talked about endlessly without getting bored of one another. It's perhaps the 'X' factor that kept us together, chemistry that is. But are these all?

Let's backtrack a little and reminisce. When we are young, we are all on a clean slate, we are generally more open to making friends with anyone and I mean anyone or even anything, a barbie, a toy car, a pet dog or fish can too be your friends. There is simply no friends-to-be checklist nor is there any expectations set to call someone your friends. But as you grow older, you start developing a certain form of attitude towards life, start pontificating abit more about life, your experiences start shaping you and with each passing year, we become more focused on our interests, ideologies and thus form our own school of thoughts, anyone who don't share your ideas and philosophies of life just don't 'click' with you and you are certainly not interested to know more about what people who are different think, you understand your needs in a friend and start zooming in for friends who share the same interests, same beat pounding on political issues and in short people who are like you. Sometimes because you make friends based on interests like the sports you fancy and the cars you fancy, you tend to get disconnected with these friends after awhile because these people are replaceable, why? Common interests such as kind of sports one play, the passion for cars and hobbies like shopping and dining are commonalities which are not unique and hence people are dispensable once again, there is really nothing to hold the friendship. Sometimes such friendships die after awhile because they got too boring and you need something refreshing, so 'bye bye old friend, here comes a new blood'. And perhaps this is one of the reason why it becomes harder to find new friends and build friendships on an intense level because we have all continued on to our own individual paths and set a certain expectations for our friends-to-be, with the 'those who don't meet the requirements need not apply' kind of attitude, is it really possible to build friendships on an intense level?

People who have known each other for a long time share an amazingly rich history are likely to stay as friends because of the thick context given to the friendship built over the years and it is simply difficult for new friends to jump in to such situations because they cannot understand the 'recycled' jokes that are forever funny, the idiosyncracies, the quirky ways which are deemed funny and not weird because they have not been there then and somehow its never easy to make this new friend see the full picture for he/she has been missing in action through the years the old friends spent, and sometimes people get lazy and they just don't want to repeat their stories like some mindless broken record player that goes on and on and this is also perhaps one of the reason why people like you and me find it hard to make new friends.

Effort is another factor which is not too difficult to understand, it is easy to be friends with anybody when you see them every now and then, be it in school or at work so on and so forth, but it is never easy to remain as friends once you leave school or the same firm. Effort is also a vital ingredient in keeping friends around you close to your and their hearts, you may miss out on the thick context of friendship based on rich history part and find it hard to befriend such new friends but with a little more effort to start building your new history and initiatives to understand a person, you may just find your new great friend. Everything starts out somewhere. I do not think people can be friends and stay friends without making any efforts to keep it alive and going. Quite honestly, very minimal efforts are required to make friends when you are in school or in the same department as someone, like i've said earlier on, it is inevitable your co-workers transform to your friends due to the sheer proximity and time spent everyday together, likewise same theory apply for school, these are perhaps your convenient friends.

What I've blogged today might sound a little depressing but look at it this way, this is the harsh reality of life, try viewing this as the great Tapestry of Life which is made up of many single thread that gets woven among and around other threads and somehow one way or another gets cut. Signing off on a brighter note, there are always exceptions, sometimes a thread is woven in the tapestry till the very end of it's used up. :)

Friends - Part I
I think one really needs to talk to someone to start disliking them or if one can afford the time one should understand someone before he/she dislikes someone. I think accounts from another person's or in fact rumours and gossips about someone's half the time never true, of course the old saying "There's no smoke without fire" is somewhat profound and sound but don't forget malice is everywhere and people who practice malice are found almost everywhere. Best bet is to really have a chat with someone and feel the vibes see how he or she is like before passing off judgmental remarks like "He/She is a bad person because A told me so or I heard something like that about him/her"

Had it not been the chance both my best friend and I took, to chat with one another and see how one another is like, we would have missed one another in school and never be where we are today, our relationship wouldn't have progressed till today. I think like most others, we have all been victims of malicious gossips and too many times we have both heard bad things about one another and don't ask me how and when we just started giving one another dirty looks as we passed one another until one fine day we were both placed in the best class in the school. Well I remembered vividly how we've met and became friends, it was during one of the PE lessons (PE = physical exercise) and there was then 3 of us, we decided to skip that tortuous lesson and to avoid attending make-up PE lessons from the then PE instructor we had to hide ourselves in the toilet and we stayed there chatting for one entire hour. That was how our friendship began and I'm glad we've met.

I think in a way, my life is alot better since I met her and another friend of ours, I never had any faith in friendships, never had anyone to confide in, never had someone whom I can trust and having betrayed one too many times, I just got sick of the idea of friendship. To me friendship was then just another word that's devoid of its meaning and I just am afraid of having friends, no matter how sincere I am to others, no one really appreciates me. I'm not saying Isabel's some kind of superwoman who changed my life dramatically or whatsoever with a flash of lightning bolt, but she's been an amazing friend, with time on our side, she showed me how I can place my trust in her, how I can confide in her my silliest moments without her being judgmental, how I can rely on her in moments when I'm troubled or when I'm in need and so on and so forth.

It's been a swank-ilicious (That's my equivalent for superlicious) whooping 6 years coming 7 years and we are still the best of friends! I think we have worked our asses off to really keep the friendship going, there's really no magic formula as to how we kept the friendship alive and still going but just loads of love, respect, trust and honesty. (I pray and I pray may we grow old to be funky old ladies together, who will go around wrecking havoc in town wearing those big weird hats scaring the bejesus out of everyone and get away with all that crap cos we are cute little old ladies, too hot for the authorities to handle, I pray and I pray very very hard!)

I don't know if it's just me or everyone, but I do feel that the older I get, the more I value friends and this concept of friendship. Indeed, what makes you form a friendship with someone and what don't is the mind-bogging thing which somehow I can never quite figure. A lot of my friends say its the 'click' factor, it really depends if you can click with someone and also fate for people who are equally as superstitious as me who believes in chances, luck and fate. ok I don't attribute everything to fate and chance but for human relations I really like to relate fate with it.

Back in school, friendships came as of right, they came naturally, you and your friends will form your own cliques and hang around at the various spots in school spending time eating, gossiping (casual gossips), laughing at one another's weird behaviour like farting or burping, hanging out at someone's place to watch some movies, studying together, in fact almost anything under the sun that's doable, you guys will just do it, in packs.

...Part II will be back soon...

dear all,

pardon me for my long absence, I've been caught up with some stuff lately and haven't really had the time to post, please check this space after this weekend.

Thanks.