At a certain part in your life. Probably when too much of it has gone by. You will open your eyes and see yourself for who you are. Especially for everything that made you so different from all the awful normals. And you will say to yourself, "But I am this person." And in that statement, that correction, there will be a kind of love. - Phoebe in Wonderland

Growing up these days is a hard thing to do. Especially during these times when materialism and shallowness are at their respective peaks.

When I was growing up as a child, I find that being just myself is not an easy thing to do but my parents gave me courage to be different and to be the way I was and the way I am now. They never believed that I should be like everyone else (save for the stellar results when it comes to examinations). They think it is important for me to be creative and to do things differently so long as I get the end results right. I am thankful for my parents' profound way of guiding me as such school of thought prompted me to be creative and opinionated.

I have always, in some way, been able to stand up against everyone who has something to say about me. I don't succumb to their thoughts. I guess I was born a rebel.

Just like how I wore that pair of shiny silver bow heels for my LLB graduation and how I wore that pair of dark purple gem studded heels for my mass call ceremony without caring two hoots about what others have to say. These are celebratory moments to me and what better way to express my happiness through my heels!

Some said I lack respect for the judges / court and some others said I am not treating my call to the bar a serious event.

I do respect judges and court decorum. The thing I must highlight is, I am not appearing before any judge / court to make any submission. I mean, when I was going through advocacy classes in court, I wore the proper black court shoes. Those were the times I understood court decorum must be observed.

But for my own celebratory moments, should I seriously be wearing those black boring court shoes when the judge won't even be looking at my feet?

You see, the world is full of people who enjoy telling you what you should do or what you ought to do so that you will end up like most of everyone else. But if you are like me and don't wish to be like most of everyone else, you will do things your way whenever it is possible to do so without flouting law or decorum that should be observed.

Further, somethings are not right just because everyone is doing it. In fact, it is often those times when you find yourself believing in a particular course of action and refusing to adhere to what the majority believes in makes you a lotus sitting in its purity above the mud!

Sometimes, we just need to believe in ourselves and learn how to appreciate our unique minds and thoughts and stand up for these thoughts to be the next big thing!

Everyone is different. period. I hate it when people impose their ideas or thoughts etc on me, who are these people to give me their two cents when I've never asked them for any of their thoughts etc. It's not even like their views matter that much in the first place. Low life creatures, taking a dig at others by bitching, seriously, such pathetic losers, why are they everywhere?

Some people generally wish for the worst to happen to others, some totally indulge in others' misery and then some others generally want to be better than the rest whilst not guilty of the above.

In life, no matter where you go, where you decide to work at, there will always be these few groups of people. From mothers to single women, from alpha males to the snags, they come in every form.

What matters is we do not lose heart at whatever we do and work harder albeit also smarter when others wish for your downfall but never stoop to their level and do the very same things you do not wish for them to do to you. What's so wrong about thinking along these lines?

Happy New Year folks! I know, I have not been posting since forever! But I hope to post more frequently from now on (at least I will try)! 

I'm quite glad that I've survived first year of my practice (well technically 6 months) and appreciate that there's a lot more to learn in the coming year! I love brand new years, they often give you some hope of changing things for the better, of letting you start some stuff on a clean slate and basically just a really good time to forget all those bad stuff that had happened in the past year and to move on somehow thinking things will become better (although sometimes they don't).

One will realise how insignificant and how small one can actually be in the real world where we have to start making a living for ourselves and take on responsibilities for ourselves. When you are in law school, you often think of yourself as being a free spirit, attacking arguments in every logical way you possibly can and you often think you can do more than just dreaming. Well, the downside of practice is, you soon realise:

1) you are not a free spirit, you have to somehow always cover your own ass, subject / qualify your advice / what you have to say to your clients so as to minimise liability of not just the firm but also yourself; 

2) you are not free to write in whichever way you prefer or think is best; 

3) you don't always think you can do more than what's already on your plate; and

4) the sky is not the bloody limit, the ground probably is. You must be prepared to fall flat on the ground if you push beyond the bloody ground. 

So law school and work's totally different. But well it's fine, hehe ok just a really short post which hopefully would lead to many more other posts! I don't know who else reads this blog but it's not like I write for an audience so see you guys real soon!

"Life at work is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels.
Some monkeys are climbing up, some down.
The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces.
The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but assholes."

hm...

No I'm not finished....with...

1) hippos a.k.a. hypocrites
2) unkind people who loves gossiping about others

Why is it so hard to eradicate world of these people?

I really hate associating with hypocrites, the way they fake a smile (I've tried to fake a smile but sometimes I just get so tired of doing the equivalent, feel like I'm exercising all of my face muscles just by doing that), the way they pretend to care for you, the way they pretend to do all sorts of stuff. Bitches. Seriously what's with the two faced attitude, do you even have a spine? Oh don't preach to me how we need more friends than enemies, you create your own enemies by being a hypocrite in the very first place. It is true that we can never please everyone and eventually at some point there will be people who will dislike you but is there a need to be nice to those who dislike you and then be all bitchy behind that person's back? Sister, you're just being a spineless person by being all nice and friendly when you don't want to, stand up for what you believe in and don't excuse yourself by saying this is the way to go, or this is the one way ticket to being miss popularity.

Then there is another sort of idiots that run around the world gossiping about everyone they possibly can and why? because they are inferior deep down inside and have to gossip about others to put others down. Sure everyone gossips but malicious gossips are definite no-no's who gave you people permission to go around and gossip about what is not true or gossip about what you'll deny if confronted and what's with this large scale gossip? Low life.

Then there's another sort of bitches that should just get the hell out of my face, those who gets all jealous about you (for whatever reason) and then gossip about you, treat you like some sort of enemy or regard you as some sort of person who is undeserving of whatever you have by gossiping about you when it all started from the bitch's jealous feelings about you. What's worse is when you've actually been there for these bitches before, sometimes I really dislike you, you're horrible and disgusting and yet I have to face you now and then...sickening..

ARgghhh...irritated

Feels like my whole world is crumbling down when I am sick.

I have been rather ill the past few weeks but I've been holding it in, going in for work, pushing on every single day. I know the quality of my work have slipped because I am taking way too much time to do my work and I really feel bad about it.

Then last night, body gave me a stern warning that it is tired of pushing itself to the max, my head was spinning really badly last night to the point that I was near fainting. At that moment, I asked myself, whatever for am I pushing myself so hard for? Had I stayed home previously and just fed on drowsy medicine in the day and night, I would have recovered in no time, but yet I choose to only take the medication at night and thus slowed down my process of recovery.

Doctor said I was hyperventilating and really should not stress myself and my body out, if I am sick I should just rest and not push on to the extend that I hyperventilate and let my fingertips and toes turn all numb and cold, she said if this continues it is only sooner or later that I will pass out one day and may just damage my organs? Problem is when I push myself (supposedly so), I don't feel the strain, perhaps like what my friend said, you think you're not but your body is feeling the strain.

At the crucial moment just before I thought I was going to pass out, I asked myself why am I doing what I am doing, I didn't study to get a law degree to push myself that hard that my body can no longer support the mind and is rebelling against it.

A fellow colleague told me, health is the most important, if you don't take care of yourself, nobody will. And that is just so true, so after this chain of medical leave, I am so going to take care of myself. I must not give priority to work. New year resolution number 1.

Through work, I realised, those who are weak often give up, those who are more than weak never give up.

The very day you give up, is the very day you're defeated.

I've been brought up to believe that good will always triumph over evil and I still believe in that.

"Happiness is as a butterfly which when pursued is always beyond our grasp, but which if you will sit down quietly may alight upon you." - Nathaniel Hawthorne

I get so tired of people lying to me and finding out they lied.

Liars are toxins in my system, I need to purge each and every one of you out of my system because you're all hurting me.

"I work for money, you want loyalty? Go get a dog" - Quote of the day!!!

"Had to move on because you've moved on, there's nothing left to hope for, nothing left to embrace"

Someone said that to me, not too long ago, sometime this year, when he was feeling the hurt the most he called and conveyed this message to me. I know this is way too long overdue but here goes:

To him: I am truly sorry, still am and I just want you to know that.

If I can turn back the hands of clock, I wish we've never met, that way, things will be a lot easier for you and you will probably be a lot happier for that many good years of your life.

From the bottom of my heart, please always be happy, you deserve to be happy.

Some people don't solve problems, they just magnify them and make matters worse.

I need problem solvers, not problem whiners.

Have you ever really loved a woman?

I don't particularly like the scene where Mr Big marries another woman instead of Carrie Bradshaw from Sex & the City but somehow that episode has a lasting impression at the back of my mind.

I remember how I used to watch Carrie and felt uber sad for her when her only constant in her almost perfect life was to wait for Mr Big, a man who is often unable to return her feelings in the way she had hoped he would, a man who often disappoints her time after time, a man who eventually broke her heart when he chose to marry someone else instead of her.

She understood almost immediately that she was never meant to play a significant part in his life when he chose to marry the other woman because he truly loves her. She knows Mr Big loves the wife when he chose to play Bryan Adams' Have you ever really loved a woman on the wedding day.

I can only imagine her hurt then. I enjoy Bryan Adam's Have you ever really loved a woman the most among his other great hits. That is the one song that speaks volume of what a man is really like when he really loves a woman. Sometimes it is not what a man says that touches us, the emotional creatures the most, it is what they do and what they are willing to give up for you that touches us the most. Words are cheap, in fact according to my mum, free. They hold no real meaning until the maker of the statement or the person giving those words fulfill them or materialize them.

In fact, I don't see honouring one's words as something that is just part and parcel of a relationship but rather it is part and parcel of every relationship you share, be it the relationship you share with your family, the other half and your friends. We should always honour our words and if we can't honour them, then don't utter them, why build other's expectations to only let them down in the end?

A relationship if taken seriously, can be fortified 100 times if each party to the relationship makes the effort to do more and say less, makes the effort to build expectations only if they are willing to materialize them and because only when you truly mean it, we will know for actions will show.

There will always be temptations around, it's a matter of knowing and wanting to resist them or not.

Lying doesn't solve anything. Lying is not a solution. Lying is just lying.

I want to be fun again. Someone help me?

I honestly think that Victoria's Secret should invite Nelly Furtado to their show this year to perform Maneater on the show as those gorgeous models strut the walkway!

"She's a maneater, make you work hard, make you spend hard, make you want more of her love...."

Parfait song! What say you?

"You can't just go around breaking hearts just because you can" - Anonymous friend